


Fix You

by USS_Entercries



Series: To Leap Without Looking Into Another's Heart [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, Aw cuddles, But no, Fluff, Gah angst, I tried therefore no-one can judge me, It's my first long Khirk fic I tried, Jim gives Khan a blowjob because he thinks Khan pities him, Jim gives Khan a blowjob to make him happy, Jim wants to surprise Khan, Khan wants to surprise Jim, Kissing, Licking, M/M, Marcus is a bastard, Oral Sex, Possessive Khan, Sex, Slowburner, Smut, So many feels make it stop, So much angst, Spooning, Star Trek: Into Feels, Violent Khan, Vulnerable Khan, Vulnerable Kirk, Well - Freeform, and be happy about, are you sobbing because I'm drowning, because they want to surprise one another, but one is a little easier to understand, neither of them will, oh boy does Khan want to surprise Jim, oh such fun, one of these surprises would not go down well, saying that, so much feels and angst and hurt and smut and fluff, they hide it and think they can do it by themselves, they wouldn't be having any of their problems if they just spoke to each other, while the other will go fucking ballistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2017-12-16 02:03:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 53,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/USS_Entercries/pseuds/USS_Entercries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Instead of the media focusing on Khan Noonien Singh's punishment, they focus on the amount of corrupt members of Star Fleet. As Khan is merely a side-story, it means Jim can say a word at his trial and only receive confusion from his family instead of the entire public.</p><p>The more they talk, the closer Khan and Jim get. Jim can't help but be overwhelmed by the super-human and Khan is constantly surprised by Jim. In their own way, they work, which is more than can be said for their plans...</p><p>Khirk longshot. Explicit in later chapters.</p><p>Comments are always welcome and appreciated, cookies for all who leaves kudos<3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I've had this idea floating about in my head for the past few weeks, and now I've found a way to make it work, I'm really excited to write it and produce a Khirk fanfic that isn't just one chapter long. I really hope you guys enjoy it, and I hope it works out as well as what I'm thinking it will in my head.
> 
> I know everybody says 'Fix You' by Coldplay works for every ship, I heard it after seeing Star Trek: Into Darkness and immediately thought of Khirk (seriously go look at the first two verses). It's what inspired this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “An increase in doubt coming from other people would mean an increase in doubt in one's self. Not to cause you to lose self-confidence Captain, however if we inform the right people of this idea, you will eventually back down and realise how illogical the thought is.”

Kirk knew it was a mistake. He knew he was being an idiot, like always. He knew that following his 'gut instinct' had got him into trouble so many times before, and it was about to again.

He just couldn't get this idea out of his head.

Kirk itched his eyebrow, going over his plan several times, pushing himself to do it and telling himself 'DON'T YOU DARE. It's a no-win scenario.'

But Kirk didn't believe in no-win scenarios.

***

Three hours later, leaving the office of the newly appointed director of Star Fleet, he itched his eyebrow again, before leaning against a wall and running his hands over his face. 'What have I done?'

Precisely at that moment in time, Spock came round the corner. If anybody could second-guess Kirk's actions more than Kirk, it was Spock.

“Captain, I must repeat to you my lack of comprehending your consistent use of humour.”

“What are you talking about Spock?” Kirk asked, peeking through his fingers that were still covering his face.

“Doctor McCoy has just informed me of your illogical attempt to, to use his words, ‘Rescue Khan’. When I asked him to explain this obvious joke, he told me to ask you.”

“Damn it, Bones, I should know better than to trust you by now.” Kirk frowned before dropping his hands from his face. “It's no joke.”

“I do not understand.”

“There is no joke. What Bones told you was the truth, and he will pay for telling you later.”

Spock took a moment to think. “Considering what Doctor McCoy informed me of is true, it was only logical for him to refer to me as a good source of judgement.”

“And why is that?” Kirk asked, intrigued by Spock's cockiness.

“An increase in doubt coming from other people would mean an increase in doubt in one's self. Not to cause you to lose self-confidence Captain, however if we inform the right people of this idea, you will eventually back down and realise how illogical the thought is.”

Kirk sighed. “Spock, I can't leave him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Could you leave me?”

“That is irrelevant.”

“If I did what he did, could you leave me, without trying to help?”

“You and I have known one another for three years now, developing a bond that you and Khan could not have developed in the limited time you did see one another. Not to mention the fact that these few moments you did see one another were overshadowed by more pressing matters of hostility. Our connection is what would make it impossible for me to leave you.”

Kirk smiled at the compliment slightly. “Spock, what if this was me?”

“I do not follow.”

“What if, one day, somebody holds you against me? My crew, my family, taken and used against me to make me do something I know I shouldn't do, but I can't resist doing knowing your lives are at stake.”

“You are hoping that in showing Khan understanding, if the events were flipped, someone would show the same courtesy to you.”

“Exactly.”

“You are agreeing with Khan.”

“I don't agree with it, for god's sake Spock, he killed Pike, I could never agree with the person who did that! I am simply understanding why he did the things he did.”

“You... Understand him, Captain?”

Kirk paused. “I understand him completely. I can't say what I'd do if my family was used against me. All I know is I wouldn't go to the extremes Khan did.”

“That is obvious Captain, he has a mind-set that causes him to think and act this way.”

'Exactly Spock! He can't be solely blamed for what's happened.' Jim clapped Spock on the arm. 'I knew you'd come round to the idea.'

“Captain, that does not mean I agree with this super-human joining us on a five year trip into deep space.”


	2. Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, Captain. Why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”

Kirk looked around him, wincing the cold design of the room, the entire building really, that he was in. There were three metal walls and one glass wall which had a door in it, a metal table and two metal chairs either side. Basically, it was cold and detached. ‘To represent the detachment between the prisoner and guest? Harsh.’ He mentally slapped himself. ‘What did you expect? Rainbows and kittens? This is a prison for the worst people Star Fleet has ever seen, not the best.’

His thoughts were interrupted as a prison guard rapped on the glass wall, before holding up two fingers. Kirk nodded in reply, understanding that Khan would be here in two minutes.

Khan. Here. In the same room. In two minutes time.

Kirk leant forward in his chair and linking his hands before placing them upon the table. He expected himself to feel out of his depth, or nervous, or angry, yet he felt… Relieved?  
Yes, relieved. Relieved that finally Kirk was going to see Khan, to inform him of what had happened since he was arrested, to tell Khan that Kirk was going to testify for him, to do the right thing.

Ever since Khan had got arrested, Kirk hadn’t felt right about it. He knew how the trial was going to go, he knew Khan was going to get sentenced to death, and that didn’t sit right with him. Khan didn’t deserve death. If you asked Kirk, Khan didn’t deserve to be severely punished at all. Yes, he deserved something, some form of punishment for his actions, but nothing like what everybody was talking about.

‘Nobody understands him.’ Kirk whispered, shaking his head slowly. The entire world was too scared of Khan to try and understand him, too scared of the unknown, too scared of something different. Kirk was disappointed. It was the 23rd century and people still hadn’t learnt to accept difference. Really, when it came down to it, Khan wasn’t that different from them. He priorities family more than anyone Kirk had ever seen before, and he was protective to the point where a father would be jealous. Khan was just… Extreme. Kirk shook his head at himself, sometimes forgetting that the person he was defending was a murderer.

Kirk looked up as he heard voices. Walking down the hall was Khan, not to mention the nine guards surrounding him. Kirk brought his hand up to his mouth, a frown appearing on his face as he tried to summarise the expression on Khan’s face. It was guarded, as always, with a hint of being… Pissed off?

As one of the security guards opened the door to the room, Kirk stood up and moved round the table in the centre to shake hands with the guard. “Thank you for letting me see him.”

The guard looked at him uncertainly. “You sure you want to do this?” He asked.

Kirk nodded once before smiling, knowing what the guard meant. Everybody knew the story of Khan by now. “Do I want to talk to the man who killed countless people, including the man who I saw as my father? Yeah why not.”

The guard frowned at him, before letting in the rest of the group.

As Khan went to sit down, Kirk quickly looked him over, noticing the faint black eye and the several bruises on his arm. Kirk returned back to his seat as the guards left the room, sitting down opposite Khan. He was about to talk when he noticed one of the guards was stood in the corner. “Can you leave us to talk in private?”

“I’m instructed to stay in the room.” The guard looked at him almost apologetically.

“You think I can’t handle this guy? I beat him up on Kronos so hard he couldn’t hit me back.” Kirk joked. When the guard continued to stand in his spot, Kirk sighed before saying, “Look, if he tries anything, you guys will be in here before he can blink. There’s a guard down the corridor who can see us, nothing’s going to happen to me.”

The guard wavered for a second, before nodding and leaving the room.

“Now,” Kirk said as he leant back in his seat casually and placed his arm on the table. “How’s prison?”

Khan studied Kirk’s face, unsure of the topic of conversation. “You came all this way, to ask the person responsible for the murder of ‘the man who I saw as my father’ how the prison is?”

Kirk shrugged.

Khan reeled off, “Four metal walls, a toilet, a slab of metal to sleep on. Food is pushed through a hole once a day, normally the food giving the amount of nutrients needed for one to live blended together to form a barely solid meal and a metal cup of water. Couldn’t be giving the prisoners a glass now, could they? They might do something… Dangerous.”

Kirk looked down at the table, the word ‘Dangerous’ spoken in Khan’s voice, echoed in his head until he thought ‘We all know how dangerous you can be.’ A slice of the grief he felt every day for Pike resurfaced momentarily, before he pushed it back down to join the rest of it.

“Now, Captain.” Khan’s voice caused Kirk to look back up; meeting the eyes of the person he had so many conflicting feelings for. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”

Kirk ignored the question for the moment. “Spock told me what you did. He told me that as soon as Uhura mentioned that you could save me, you jumped up, offering to help in as many ways as you could. Why did you do that?”

Khan cocked his head to the side. “Answering a question with a question is rather childish, Captain, but if that’s how you want to play it.” Khan paused thoughtfully before asking, “How are you finding the isolation from your so-called ‘family’?”

“What?” Kirk asked, surprised.

“You being here, I can’t imagine it is something many would agree with. Going by our… History,” Khan said with a small smirk, “I cannot imagine that the people you hold most dear to your heart would agree. You either told them all, taking a chance that someone would support you with your decision, or,” Khan’s serious voice became light, “Told nobody and isolated yourself from your family whilst you dealt with whatever plan you’ve got formed in that head of yours.”

“Who says my family wouldn’t agree with me?” Kirk replied.

“I doubt your ‘family’”, Khan sneered, “would understand the basic feelings of another, never mind complicated. They’re all too wrapped up in themselves to understand anything that doesn’t involve them.”

Kirk bit on his retort, looked down and mentally counted to 10 as he calmed down, before he looked back up. He met Khan’s glare, both wanting to stare the other man down.

It lasted two minutes, before Kirk sighed and leant back in his chair. “This is getting us nowhere.” Kirk muttered as he ran his hand through his hair.

Khan followed the movement of Kirk’s hand before he looked down at the table, mentally telling himself to be careful of what he said. He didn’t want to upset James.

“What happened after my arrest?” Khan asked, trying a different way to talk to James.

Kirk looked up at him, surprised again by the super-human. “Since you were arrested? Lots. You’ve missed out. Wait, haven’t they been keeping you up to date with this stuff?” Kirk asked, a frown settling on his face.

“I haven’t spoken to another human since Doctor McCoy took my blood.” Khan stated, causing Kirk to stare at him in disbelief.

“Don’t the guards talk to you?” Kirk asked, before he mentally shook himself again. “Ignore that, I keep forgetting where I am.” His frown reappeared as he muttered “I thought someone would have spoken to you.”

“I see no-one to speak to. The system is built so we have no reason to leave our rooms, and therefore no way to speak to other prisoners.” Khan again stated. “Why are you so bothered by this?” Khan asked, leaning forward in his chair so scrutinize Kirk’s response to the question.

“I don’t know.” Kirk answered honestly, his facial expression mirroring his thoughts. His expression changed as he said “Maybe because…” before he sighed. “I don’t know, ignore me. I’m going crazy.” He rubbed his hand over his face before he mirrored Khan’s position, leaning forward in his chair. “Anyway, since you were arrested Star Fleet’s been cracking down on the corrupt members, trying to weed out everyone involved with Marcus.”

“Interesting.” Khan replied, surprised. “I didn’t expect Star Fleet to have reacted like that. I would have thought their first reaction would have been to sweep this under the carpet.” 

He watched James’ reaction, unsure if his comment would anger him.

To his surprise, Kirk laughed slightly. “You know, Bones had the same idea. He thought Star Fleet would blame you for it all, send you back into cryogenic sleep, and never mention this again. Focus on the future so much that everyone would forget about the present.”

“Me and the doctor agree on something.”

“Don’t tell him that, he gets uncomfortable enough when Spock agrees with him.” Kirk smiled.

Khan returned the smile before asking “How many people have they ‘weeded out’?”

Kirk itched his eyebrow subconsciously, looking at the table again in thought. “I’m not sure. They haven’t put a number to it. They’ve announced everyone who wouldn’t surprise you, a few who would, and I’m sure they’re keeping everyone big who was involved on the quiet.”

“They won’t want the world to know exactly how far the corruption got.” Khan murmured, looking away from Kirk and into the distance of his thoughts.

“Exactly.” Kirk’s gaze snapped up from the table at Khan’s comment. Kirk looked at the man before him, slowly taking in his gorgeous black hair, his endless blue eyes and, of course, his beautifully sculptured cheekbones. Kirk couldn’t figure out what it was about Khan, but Kirk felt drawn to him. Something he wouldn’t admit to anyone, something he could only just admit to himself. Ever since Pike died, Kirk had hated Khan, and despite the fact that Kirk could understand why Khan did everything he did, a part of Kirk would always hate Khan. Saying that, Kirk was drawn to Khan, craving Khan’s presence, his touch, his kiss…

The feeling of Kirk staring at him broke through Khan’s recollection of the past. Khan purposely trailed his eyes up Kirk’s body until he met his gaze. Kirk’s mouth opened slightly as he took a deep breath in, the intensity of their stare causing his heart to flutter. Kirk broke away from the look, a blush creeping up his face. He was acting like a school girl with a crush. His eyes flickered to Khan, lasting long enough to see the smirk on Khan’s face.

“I came to see you today to tell you that you’ve been given a trial.” Kirk said quickly. He risked another look at Khan, this time seeing a frown upon that normally guarded face.

“I am not to be put back in the cryogenic tube?” His confusion filtered into his voice.

“If you were going to be frozen, they would have done it straight away. They kept you alive until I woke up from my coma to make sure my body accepted the blood and I recovered healthily. After that, someone fought for you to have a trial. They were expecting it to be hard, but it was easier than expected.”

“You.” Khan said softly.

“What?”

“You fought for me to have a trial. Don’t try to pretend with me, Kirk, I know when you’re lying.” Khan’s voice softened again. “Why would you want me to have a trial?”

“So you can be treated fairly.” Kirk said with a hint of anger in his voice.

“I’ve struck a nerve.” Khan said smoothly as he leant away from Kirk slightly. “What aren’t you telling me?” His eyes narrowed as he stared at Kirk.

“They were going to sentence you to death without listening to anything you had to say.” He admitted, the anger clear in his voice and facial expression. “They weren’t going to give you a trial, or a hearing, or even a chance to defend yourself. What type of establishment is that?”

“A corrupt one.” Khan stated. “You’ve caused the corrupt to be seen, to come out from where they were hiding. James Tiberius Kirk, I don’t think you realise what damage you’ve done.” Khan raised his eyebrow, impressed. The confused look on Kirk’s face confirmed that he didn’t know what Khan was talking about, so Khan explained after sighing. “Whoever you spoke to obviously wasn’t corrupt. They listened to the words of a boy with a conscience, and that’s weighed on their minds until they’ve decided to do as you’ve asked. This will have upset whoever didn’t want the trial to happen. You’ve upset the balance.” Khan smirked.

“The only reason they don’t want a trial is because they know they won’t win.” Kirk stated confidently.

“And you’re to be…” Khan narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out James. “My lawyer?”

“If only.” Kirk scoffed before continuing. “They won’t let me, something about me not being trained as one.” He shrugged lightly.

“You would have made a poor lawyer, I’d stick with the Enterprise if I were you.” Khan said with humour, causing Kirk to smile.

They looked at each other with amusement, the atmosphere between them friendly. Khan looked in wonder at Kirk; from the first time Kirk looked at Khan, Khan knew this human was different from all the other lesser-beings. As Kirk had continued to surprise and impress Khan, Khan couldn’t lessen the feelings of wanting Kirk. After two months of being locked in a cell to reflect upon everything that had happened, where he went wrong, who was to blame for what, his family, his feelings, Kirk, Khan had decided that Kirk was his, and he was going to get Kirk.

Kirk leant forward in his chair, again breaking off Khan’s thought track, and looked at Khan seriously. “I’m going to speak in your defence, and I’m going to make sure you receive a fair punishment. You’re not being treated like a villain.”

Khan repeated Kirk’s words in his head. “You don’t see me as a villain, Kirk?”

Kirk looked at him straight. “No, I don’t. I think you’re a criminal, and a murderer, and you deserve to be punished. What everybody seems to be overlooking is the fact that the things you did were… Justified.”

Khan’s eyebrow raised again. “You’re going to stand in court and justify me killing countless people, one of those people being who you saw as your father?”

Unable to supress the urge, Kirk stated “His name was Pike” through gritted teeth as the grief resurfaced. Khan noticed the way Kirk’s eyes had took a shine to them as he spoke.

“I don’t believe this will help.” Khan began. “However, I want you to know that I’m sorry for your loss.”

Kirk looked at him in surprise.

“Saying that, I would do it again. My family comes first, Kirk, something which you can empathise with. You’ll understand how nothing would stop me from doing what I thought would save my family.” Kirk nodded once, convincing Khan to carry on. “I don’t regret my actions, but I am sorry they caused you pain.”

Neither of them moved for a moment. Khan was looking at Kirk, and Kirk was looking at his clenched fist on the table. Then, Khan lifted one of his hands from under the table and slowly placed it upon Kirk’s fist, his eyes watching Kirk’s face while he did so to monitor Kirk’s reaction. Kirk looked up at Khan, his jaw still clenched and his eyes still shiny.

“It hurts.” Kirk whispered through clenched teeth. “And it doesn’t help that the person who caused this pain, is someone I can understand.”

Khan frowned at these words. “I assumed I would be too advanced for you to understand.”

Kirk shook his head slightly. “That’s it, Khan. You think you’re so much better than us for us to understand, yet I can understand everything you did. I can accept it, justify it, my god I can agree with it, to a certain degree. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“You understand the sacrifices you would for the people you love.” Khan said simply.

“Always.” Kirk replied.

While they were talking they’d failed to realise that Kirk’s clenched hand had loosened, turned over and gripped Khan’s hand. They’d both began to hold onto the others hand tighter and tighter as they talked, as if they would never let go. It was only when Khan’s hold had tightened to a painful extent on Kirk that Kirk broke away his eye contact with Khan and looked down at where the pain was coming from. Khan followed Kirk’s gaze, and immediately loosened his hold, but didn’t let go. They looked back up at each other, unsure of what to say.

Looking at Khan’s hand reminded Kirk of how Khan had looked when he walked in. “Tell me about the bruises.” He said as he used their joined hands to turn over Khan’s arm. Khan let him, knowing full well that the bruises would be gone and there would be nothing for him to see. When Kirk realised this, he looked at Khan’s face, his eyes narrowing. His other hand came up and he gently touched below Khan’s eye.

Khan raised his eyebrow yet again. “Looking for something?” His voice sounding bored.

“You had bruises on your arm, and a black eye. That wasn’t even an hour ago.” Kirk looked at Khan in amazement. “Your cells regenerate that fast?”

Khan sighed at how oblivious Kirk was. “They were gone before I’d sat down. The guards play a game where they try to leave bruises on my skin. Whoever’s marks last the longest gets bought drinks all night.”

Kirk’s face twisted in disgust. A part of his mind reasoned with the guards’ actions, remembering how many people Khan had upset, how many lives he’d taken, how many families he’d torn apart. Kirk couldn’t fully blame them for letting their anger out on the man who caused it all. “Have you ever hit back?”  
“I wouldn’t give them the pleasure of a reaction. It wouldn’t be a good fight anyway.”

Two guards came into the room, their expressions showing how they knew what Khan had told Kirk, and they were not impressed.

“Oh gentlemen, are you going to beat me extra hard tonight?” Khan asked, his voice mocking and his mask back on to hide any emotions. Kirk hadn’t noticed Khan had been showing him his emotions until he hid them again.

One of the guards muttered something as he took a step towards Khan.

Kirk stood up quickly. “One more minute.” He asked loudly. “One more minute and I’m done.”

The guard’s steps stopped as he turned to look at Kirk. He nodded, “One minute, then I’m taking him back to his cell.”

Kirk had barely sat back down in his chair before Khan had grabbed one of his wrists, pulling Kirk closer to him. “I’m supposed to be defending you.” He snarled.

“What?” Kirk asked, surprised at Khan’s sudden anger.

“I don’t need your help, I can defend myself.” Khan replied sharply.

Kirk became angry in return. “Then defend yourself at the trial. Let’s see how far you get without me.”

They stared at each other in anger until Khan looked down at his hand still gripping Kirk’s wrist. He huffed out a breath before he whispered angrily “I don’t have enough time to fully explain it now.” He laced their fingers together. “Since you sabotaged my aircraft and in turn my chances of killing Marcus then, you have been mine. Do you understand?”

Kirk stared at him blankly, trying to take in what Khan was saying.

Khan squeezed Kirk’s hand as he heard the guards coming back. “James, you belong to me and you are mine to defend, not the other way around.”

The guard came in, followed by all other eight guards, they moved towards Khan. Kirk pulled Khan closer by their hands, asking “Is this a joke?”

A mixture of a frown and an expression of confusion appeared and disappeared quickly on Khan’s face before he whispered quieter than before “I love you, James, and I will have you.”

The guards pulled Khan up, leading him out of the room, leaving James T. Kirk staring after them with an expression of bewilderment, confusion, surprise and a little bit of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited and edited this chapter to death, I still can't decide if I like it or not...  
> My worry is that they're out of character, which if they still are, I'm really sorry, but I made myself post it before I deleted it and made a vow to never write Khirk again


	3. Mr Singh's Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How can we condemn a man, for acting in a way that he can't control, for acting in the exact way he was engineered, by us, to act?"

“I want you all to place yourself in Mr Singh's shoes.'” Kirk began his testament, standing confidently before everybody in the court room, looking round to meet everyone's gaze. “Khan Noonien Singh, is a genetically modified human, created to have a better mind-set than all of us ever could. He was created to think in ways that we can't, that we will never be able to.”

The Judge interrupted Kirk. “Mr Kirk, are you just going to stand there and compliment this murderer, or can you actually get down to defending him?”

“Yes, your honour. I was just building up the facts.” Kirk smiled cheekily before he continued. “Yes, he thinks and acts more brutally, more violent, and more forceful. And yes, he thinks and acts in such a way we wouldn't dare, even if we did think of it.

“Yet how can we condemn a man, for acting in a way that he can't control, for acting in the exact way he was engineered, by us, to act?”

Kirk saw the Jury pause for thought; actually the entire court room took a moment to think about that.

Kirk waited before he carried on, looking around at the small room. It had been a closed case, as few people as possible were allowed to witness this trial. “Now, I want you to imagine what you'd do, if your family was used against you. If everybody you loved, was taken from you, and used to blackmail you.” Kirk turned to look at Khan. “Is there anything you would not do for your family?

“Khan Noonien Singh was woken up, and told to make weapons that would cause a war. The only reason this dictator obeyed these commands was the fact that if he didn't, everybody he thought of to be his family, would be killed.

“Mr Singh asked for help from Mr Harewood. I believe the only thing Mr Singh deserves to be punished for was using blackmail against Mr Harewood, as he used what was being used against him, despite knowing how much it hurt. Mr Singh saved this man's daughter, and in return Mr Harewood blew up the public library.

“Now, Mr Harewood agreed to this, because it would save his daughter. He risked the lives of everybody in that building, for one person... His little girl.

“Khan Noonien Singh had 72 lives to save. 72 people who were his family. If Mr Harewood did everything he did for one person, and we forgive him, can we blame Mr Singh for doing what he did for 72 people?

“This man is guilty of destroying countless lives, I won't deny that. This man is guilty of going to extreme lengths to protect those he loves, extreme lengths he is engineered to take. I'm not asking you to forgive this man for what he did. I'm just asking you to consider the facts that led him to do what he did. I'm asking you, when you decide if this man deserves to be punished, to think about how far you would go to protect the ones you love. Ask yourself, can you truly blame him?”

The room was silent. Khan was staring at Kirk in a way that Kirk couldn't figure out what it meant, he only knew it made his stomach flip.

Kirk quietly said “Thank you” before stepping off the podium and making his way back to his seat.

As he walked past Khan, Khan's arm shot out and grabbed Kirk's wrist. He said “Thank you”, his appreciation leaking into his voice, and looked at Kirk with an expression that conveyed his surprise and gratitude at what Kirk had said.

“Don't thank me yet, that might not have made any difference.”

“I don't care if they listened to what you said, I did. You are a good man, James.” Khan stated as he let go of Kirk's wrist, his fingers lingering across his skin.

Kirk sat in his seat next to Bones. “What do you think?” He whispered.

“Remind me to employ you as my defendant if I ever end up in here.” Bones replied through the side of his mouth, never turning his face away from the judge.

Kirk smiled in response, a rare compliment from his best friend. He had told Bones his plan, but only Bones. Khan had been right at the prison with what he said about Kirk isolating himself from his family, Kirk couldn’t have told them without them wanting to stop it, not because they wouldn’t understand the ‘complex feelings’, but because they want to protect Kirk as much as possible. Today was the first time he had seen everybody in a month, and the first time any of them found out Kirk would even be here at the trial. They didn’t see him until they were sat down, as Kirk had been one of the first in.

Now, Kirk looked round at the small court room, catching the eyes of the few people he loved that were allowed in the courtroom. Uhura smiled at him, a sign that what he said was good, that what Kirk was doing was good, that he was doing the right thing. Kirk smiled back at her, knowing full well that he’d have to speak to her later about it. Spock nodded from his seat next to Uhura, with an expression that told Kirk he would be explaining his actions after the trial. Kirk would talk to them both together, it’d be easier that way.

Kirk imagined what everybody else’s reaction would be; Scotty would call him crazy, Sulu would just go along with it, and Chekov… Chekov would probably nod and smile and ask if Kirk was okay.

“Has the Jury reached a verdict?” The Judge’s voice rang out in the court room.

“Yes your honour.” One of the Jury members said as they stood up to give their verdict to the Judge.

The court room waited in silence, everybody stealing glances between Kirk, Khan and the Judge. Kirk was staring at Khan, his hand subconsciously clenched, doubting what he’d said was good enough. Khan turned around to look at Kirk, not smiling or frowning or showing any emotion on his face, just looking, yet it made Kirk feel reassured. When Kirk nodded at him, Khan turned back around, and they both looked up at the Judge.

“Khan Noonien Singh, the Jury has found you… Guilty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for this ending...


	4. Punishment Delivered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You were genetically modified, by us, to be a certain way, and now we want to sentence you to death for being this way? I refuse to order your death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed at my grandma's for the weekend ~ Negative side, I couldn't update this before now, I'm sorry ~ Positive side, my writer's block has gone and I know how this is going to end (I may have written the last two chapters already but shhh)

Kirk began shouting as he stood up. “No, your honour, Mr Singh is-“

“Sit down Mr Kirk, before I have you thrown out.” One of the guards in the room took a step closer to Kirk, reinforcing the Judge’s words. “Now, Mr Singh, you have been found guilty of the charges brought against you. Something which Mr Kirk,” The Judge looked up at Kirk sternly, “Also agreed with. You are a murderer. This is a fact.

“However, what Mr Kirk said in your defence is true. Perhaps slightly exaggerated, but still true. You were genetically modified, by us, to be a certain way, and now we want to sentence you to death for being this way? I refuse to order your death.”

At the Judge’s words, everybody in the court room perked up intrigued.

“Khan Noonien Singh, I am offering you this just once. You are free to go, however” The Judge paused to let the weight of the word sink in, “for the first five years you are to report back to Star Fleet every month so they can monitor what you’re doing. If there is any sign that you have commit a crime, planning to commit a crime or even thought about committing a crime, you will be imprisoned, and the full consequences to be arranged later depending on the circumstances on which the crime was commit. Do you agree with the circumstances of your release?”

Everybody held in a breath as they waited for Khan’s reply. “I agree.”

“Good. Now get out of my courtroom before I change my mind.” The Judge ordered tiredly. As the few cameras in the room started taking pictures of Khan, the Judge rubbed the centre of his forehead with the palm of his hand. This was the biggest case he’d ever had, and that certainly brought along a lot of pressure. Despite all of this, he knew not many people were watching the case, which meant he could give a little lee-way to Khan and receive no rebuke. What Kirk had said weight on his mind, that along with that damn video… The Judge shook his head, dispelling the memory.

Kirk, Bones, Uhura and Spock were stood outside the court room doors, huddled together in a group whispering. As Khan approached them he caught the last part of their conversation.

“Captain, are we sure your judgement hasn’t been adapted by Khan’s blood? The possible side effects caused by your transfusion haven’t been fully explored.” Spock suggested.

“This is nothing to do with his blood. Why do you always have to assume the worst?”

“Because he’s a pessimistic hobgoblin.” Bones muttered as he crossed his arms, moving to stand next to Jim.

Kirk glanced at Bones before he sighed. “Spock, this was something I was thinking before the transfusion. Everything I said in there is what I would have said with or without his blood inside me.”

Uhura narrowed her eyes at Kirk’s words. “Is there something else going on here, Jim?”

“Yes, me and Khan are secretly planning to destroy Star Fleet and run off, claiming all the planets in the sky as ours.” Kirk said with a smile.

“Did you not think to inform me of these plans?” Khan asked as he stood next to Kirk. The atmosphere had become tense as soon as Khan had opened his mouth, now it settled around them like an uncomfortable cloak. Uhura shifted slightly to the left to allow Khan to stand in their circle, moving closer to Spock. Spock was looking at Khan, his expression showing nothing. Khan nodded at Uhura for moving, met Spock with an icy glare and turned to Bones. “I must thank you for what you did.”

“I did it for Jim, but you’re welcome. At least you had the decency to thank me for it.” Bones threw a glare at Jim, to which Jim rolled his eyes.

“You’re so dramatic, Bones. You know, Khan, you’re lucky with what you got, and with the lack of people in the courtroom. I’m surprised there wasn’t a crowd shouting for your head on a platter.” Kirk said as he scratched his eyebrow subconsciously in thought.

“I agree with the Captain, I was inclined to think there would be a group of photographers, at least out here, waiting to report on your sentence.”

“For God’s sake, look at the bigger picture. Everybody has forgotten about Khan because the corruption of Star Fleet has taken over the front page.” Bones turned from Spock to Khan. “The Judge could have sentenced you with anything. If I were you, I’d thank you the Gods you got what you did.” Bones said with a huff.

Khan frowned. “Forgotten me? Are your attention spans that miniscule?”

“Why don’t you get your head out of your ass and take a look at what’s really going on? We’ve got bigger problems than where you’re going to sleep for the rest of your precious existence.” Bones snapped.

There was a tense moment of silence as Khan and Bones glared at each other. Khan was obviously bristling from the insult, whereas Bones was glaring at him just like he would anybody else; it didn’t matter who he was talking to, Bones didn’t take crap from anyone.

Spock interrupted their glaring contest. “Speaking of sleeping arrangements, Doctor McCoy, where will you be staying?” He turned to look at Khan.  
Kirk blinked at that. “Where did you sleep before?”

Khan’s face snarled in distaste for a moment, then it was gone. “During the first few months of being awoken, I slept in the room they ran tests on me in. Once Marcus had me building his weapons, I slept on the floor of the room I’d been working in that day.”

The group were quiet at that for a moment, all mentally arguing if Khan deserved it.

“I suppose, you could stay with me until we sort something else out.” Jim offered, his voice conveying how he knew what reaction that suggestion would get.

Bones, Uhura and Spock all began protesting, talking over one another so much that Jim couldn’t understand what they were saying if he wanted to.

Jim rolled his eyes, catching a quick glance at Khan. Khan was looking at him, his expression slightly surprised and more-than-slightly happy with the suggestion, highlighting to Kirk that his idea would turn out to be either really good, or really bad.

He supposed he’d find out later.

“Khan’s staying at mine. He has nowhere else to go and this is convenient. Spock, tell me this isn’t logical.”

Spock shifted slightly, his wanting to warn Jim being overshadowed by the need to confirm Jim’s theory. “The Captain is right, it is the logical solution, although there are other possible solutions.”

Kirk smiled at them all. “That settles it, Khan’s staying at mine.”


	5. (Half Of) The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can cut yourself on a shard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I want to apologise for the gap between updates. It's been a busy week, and even if I could have found time to squeeze in some writing, I've had a headache that made it impossible to concentrate. I get headaches all the time, trust me when I say this has been AWFUL.
> 
> Secondly, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I've been excited writing it and I really want you all to like it.
> 
> Comments are always welcome, I like to know where I've gone right/wrong so I can make the next chapter even better. Thank you all for staying with me :3

Kirk looked over at Khan as they walked into his apartment. He still had a lot of questions, a lot of explaining to do and a lot of feelings he needed to sort out before he attempted anything else. The way Kirk felt towards Khan was confusing to begin with; of course he hated the man who killed Pike, but mixed in with that hatred was an admiration for everything Khan had done. Khan’s actions proved he held family above everything, and would do anything to protect them, no matter what the cost. Kirk couldn’t help but relate and admire that. The majority of people say they’d do anything for their family, but Khan actually did it, and he did it with no limitations. Khan really would do anything for those he loves.

Just to make the hatred, admiration and understanding even more confusing, Kirk liked Khan. He liked Khan in a way that shocked him into thinking he didn’t, because he couldn’t, just couldn’t like Khan.

But he did, and every time he saw Khan, all those feelings came to the front of Kirk’s mind. Holding Khan’s hand had felt so right, it wasn’t until after that Kirk realised it was wrong.

Then when Khan had grabbed Kirk’s wrist at the trial, Kirk was too overwhelmed with the thought of it being right to remember how wrong it was.

Overwhelmed. Khan overwhelmed Kirk, a man who, despite having countless one night stands and meeting beautiful men and women every day, had never been overwhelmed before. That scared and excited Kirk.

The way Kirk looked at it, he needed to figure out what he was doing. Kirk wasn’t an indecisive person, he picked a path and put in 110% until the end, and only then would he looked back and reflect on if it had been the right path. Khan made him indecisive, and the indecisiveness was making Kirk agitated.

“James?” Kirk gritted his teeth as Khan’s voice rolled over him. Khan’s voice made Kirk’s stomach do backflips, but he ignored that, because Khan’s voice would make anybody’s stomach do backflips.

“Yes, Khan?” He closed the apartment door, turning to face Khan.

“Something is bothering you. I’m inclined to think it’s my presence.” Neither were a question, Kirk noted. Khan took a step closer to Kirk. “Does my presence bother you?” His voice became silky.

“If I’m honest, it’s not your presence that bothers me, it’s how I react to your presence.” Kirk replied before thinking. As he realised what he just told Khan, he frowned and went to walk past him.

Khan’s arm shot up, his hand landing next to Kirk’s head on the door, stopping Kirk’s movement. His other hand went to Kirk’s hip, pushing him back until he was against the door.

“And how,” Khan began as he took a small step closer, until there were centimetres between their bodies, “Does my presence make you feel?”  
Kirk’s breathing increased as he tried to control the way his body reacted to Khan’s closeness. He automatically leant up to kiss Khan, before he realised what he was doing. He needed time to figure out if this was something he wanted to happen. He didn’t stop their lips meeting, instead he placed a light kiss on Khan’s lips, then moved back far enough to whisper against Khan’s lips “Let me show you the apartment,” desperate for a way out of this until he sorted out his thoughts. The fact that he was running from this surprised him, when did James T Kirk ever run from sex? But it was who the sex was with that made him want to run. 

Khan had other ideas. He growled at Kirk’s words before he moved to decrease the space between their bodies, pushing his body against Kirk. He grinded into Kirk shamelessly as he took over his mouth, claiming it as his own. It wasn’t until Kirk leant into him to deepen the kiss that Khan leant away, a smile growing on his face.

“I hope you appreciate how long I’ve waited to do that.” He said as he took a step back, leaving Kirk too shocked from what had just happened to move. Khan took in Kirk’s flushed cheeks, his heavy breathing and hand that was half-reaching for Khan, smirking at how flustered Kirk had become after so little contact. He held up his hand to meet Kirk’s, linking their hands together. “Before this becomes anything more, we have other things to do. Didn’t you say something about showing me your home?”

“Yeah. Right. Apartment. Okay.” Kirk muttered as he began to walk around. He stopped, looking back. “This isn’t my home, the Enterprise is my home.”

“Interesting.” Khan said as he walked up to Kirk, his movement causing Kirk to continue walking. “I was under the impression humans nowadays believed a building they owned was their home.”

“Home is where my family is. My family are on the Enterprise.” Kirk stated. 

Khan knew it was as simple as that. It didn’t matter where you were, it mattered who was around you. He ‘hmm’ed in agreement. 

“Anyway,” Kirk continued, “the Enterprise is more beautiful than this place.” Kirk grinned at Khan.

“Why do you think I based Vengeance on your ship?”

Kirk visibly swelled with pride at both the compliment and the ‘your ship’.

As they walked around, Kirk explained all the electrical equipment, conscious of the fact that he was giving Khan a lot of information at once.

“Sorry.” Kirk said when he had finished showing Khan around. They both sat down on the couch in the centre of the room on the opposite ends but facing one another.

“For what?” Khan asked, surprised and curious.

“It must be a lot to take in, all of this.” Kirk waved a hand to indicate his apartment. “Times must have changed a lot since you were last…” He faded off, unsure of how to describe it.

“Alive?” Khan offered. “Yes, things have changed in ways I never thought they would. Change is expected over 300 years, however it’s the small things that have changed that bother me. It’s the small changes that make it a different world.”

Kirk nodded, thinking. “Do you think you’ll be able to live in our world?”

“Your world.” Khan said sharply. “This is not my world.”

“It is now.” Kirk responded positively. “It’s your world just as much as mine. ‘The world is your oyster.’”

Khan chuckled. “The false-pretence of freedom. It’s pitiful how you all believe you are free to do as you wish.”

“Don’t start with the world-domination speech, I don’t want to report you to Star Fleet.” Kirk joked as he pointed a finger at Khan, eyebrow raised.

Khan wrapped his hand around Kirk’s pointing finger. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?”

Kirk instantly looked down at Khan’s words. “That’s a story for another day.” He said with a false merriment as he stood up, walking into the kitchen. “Drink?”

Khan watched him move, analysing the normal human that had captured his interest. James was confident, sometimes over-confident. Khan could imagine how he was on nights out. But Khan saw through this confidence, because underneath it was a little boy that had had something missing as a child. Something necessary. Something that meant James would always be a little bit vulnerable, a little bit broken, if he let you see it. James wasn’t going to let Khan see it, not tonight, but one day he would.

“Please.” Khan said as he realised James was still waiting for an answer.

“What do you want?” He asked as he bent down to look in his fridge. Kirk could feel Khan checking out his body, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t stretch slightly under  
Khan’s gaze.

“Whatever you have to offer.” Khan replied softly, the sexual undertone making Kirk’s stomach flip. Countless thoughts filled Kirk’s mind of what he’d like to offer Khan, before he dispelled them, taking two beers from the fridge.

“Try this.” He said, throwing a bottle in Khan’s direction as he made his way back to the couch.

Khan cracked the bottle cap off of his drink and took a sip, unaware that Kirk was staring at him.

“Wow.” Kirk whistled as he leant his bottle in Khan’s direction. “Who needs a bottle opener when you’re around?”

Khan took off the lid without responding, only looking at Kirk.

Kirk coughed awkwardly, deciding to bring up the subject that had been at the front of his mind ever since Khan had brought it up. “Okay, I have to ask. What did you mean with what you said at the prison?”

“Which part?” Khan asked, feigning innocence.

Kirk laughing in disbelief. “Don’t play cute with me.” He said whilst shaking his head.

“You find me cute, Captain?”

Kirk laughed again. “Oh yeah, cute as a kitten.”

Khan chuckled slightly, enjoying the moment of amiability as he knew the atmosphere was about to become more serious. He sighed slightly, unsure of how Kirk was going to respond, before saying “You are mine, in every way.”

Kirk’s laughter drained from his face as, as Khan had thought, the mood changed. Kirk could hear the honesty ring in Khan’s voice; the honesty, the seriousness and the possessiveness. Khan had almost growled his possession. As Kirk stayed silent, processing what Khan had said and how he said it, the tension grew to be palpable.

“Do I not get a say in this?” Kirk joked, trying to lighten the mood. “What if I don’t want to be yours?”

“Oh don’t lie to me James, we both know you want this.” Khan snapped, Kirk’s words putting him on edge. Khan had assumed Kirk wanted him, the way Kirk reacted around Khan proving so; however Khan had heard enough of Kirk’s sexual history to think that maybe Kirk reacted that way to everyone. Maybe Kirk didn’t want him.

So Khan would make him want him.

“I can tell you want this.” Khan continued as he trailed his fingers over Kirk’s hand resting on the couch space between them. “Tell me you don’t. Lie to me.” Khan looked up at Kirk, seeing the mental battle Kirk was having shown on his face.

A part of Kirk wanted this. Damn it, a large part of Kirk wanted this, and that wasn’t just his libido. He found Khan attractive sexually and… In other ways that Kirk was still processing. Right now, he was dealing with the sexual attraction, because he wanted Khan’s touch more than he’s ever wanted anyone’s touch, but arguing with that was the part of Kirk’s brain that still hated Khan for the pain he’d caused. For Pike. For everyone Khan had killed. For everybody Khan had caused pain to.

Khan’s fingers gently trailed up Kirk’s arm until they reached the edge of the suit Kirk was still wearing from the trial. Khan suddenly removed his fingers, and leant away from Kirk, sitting back in his seat.

The loss of Khan’s contact brought Kirk out of his head and into the present. He frowned as he tried to remember Khan’s words from the prison. “You said I’ve ‘been yours’ since the night you…” Kirk paused as he realised what night that was.

“Kirk.” Khan said softly as he replaced his hand over Kirk’s. “I’ve given you my apologies once, I won’t say them again.”

“I don’t expect you to.” Kirk said roughly. He coughed before saying “What did I do to become yours?”

“You challenged me.” Khan stated. “I’ve rarely been challenged, and on the few times I have, I have won and they did not come back for seconds. Which is what you did, when you trailed after me and nearly broke your hand on my face.” Khan smirked at the joke, which Kirk returned. “You intrigued me. After that, the actions you took have, if you’ll pardon the phrase, won me over. You’re a complex character, James, one I plan to figure out.”

Kirk smiled sadly as he said simply “Nothing to figure out, there’s nothing special about me.” Again he frowned as he spoke before thinking. Something about Khan made Kirk want to tell him the truth, to open up to him.

“On the contrary, you’re one who doesn’t follow the rules, who enjoys breaking them, yet has his own rules to which he refuses to break. You have an unhealthy need for family, to be constantly surrounded by people who love you. When you’re on the Enterprise, they are your family. When you’re on leave, you go out looking for love from strangers who’ll have sex with you to make up for the closeness you’re missing from being on the Enterprise. Your craving for love, for reassurance, for companionship, is intriguing enough. How can a man, who is as young as you are, be the Captain of one of the newest ships in Star Fleet, when he is also still broken from his childhood?”

Kirk raised an eyebrow. “That sounds depressing enough to need another beer.” He sighed as he looked at the bottle in his hands.

Khan realised he had again put the spotlight on Kirk’s past and again made Kirk uncomfortable. He couldn’t expect Kirk to open up when he wouldn’t open up himself. “You asked me if I felt like I could belong in this world.” Khan began. His change of conversation surprised Kirk, making him tilt his head slightly in curiosity. “I believe I may be too broken to fit.”

Kirk waited a moment, surprised at the honesty and expecting something more, but not getting anything. He stared at Khan, aware that his surprise was written all over his face, so he looked down at his bottle to compose his expression and order his thoughts. “How do you mean, broken? I’ve known a lot of broken men in my time; you don’t strike me as one of them.”

Khan paused momentarily, thinking of how he could summarise all his feelings in a way that Kirk would understand. “I feel as though I’m not whole. I’m broken into pieces, and the majority of these pieces are back in 1996, with my family.” Khan’s face mirrored how Kirk’s had looked at the mention of Pike. “Shards have… Come through. Some of these shards are still frozen in that cryotube, and the few I have got left are nothing without the rest.”

“Who knew you could be so poetic? Underneath that layer of world-domination-plans, there’s…” Kirk looked up at Khan as he realised. “There’s the Khan that only your family see. You have a hard shell, but underneath it…” Kirk shook his head. “Who knows. You’re like an oyster.”

“Explain.” Khan ordered, intrigued to know how Kirk saw him.

“You have the hard shell that is almost impenetrable. Almost. You let your family in and they see the pearl inside you.”

“Not just my family.” Khan corrected him. “You.”

“Me?” Kirk replied, momentarily overwhelmed before he had an idea. “Me.” He repeated, stronger this time. “Let me fix you.”

“Fix me?”

“If you’re broken, let me piece your shards together. Let me fix you.”

Khan cocked his head to the side. “Are you asking for my permission to fix me?”

Kirk smiled cockily. “I wouldn’t dream of doing anything to you without your permission.”

Khan smiled back at him, before the smile was replaced with a deep set frown. “You can cut yourself on a shard.”

“I don’t think you’d hurt me. You wouldn’t let yourself.” Kirk sounded more confident than Khan felt. The smile suddenly disappeared, and Kirk looked down. “You wouldn’t hurt what’s yours.” Kirk looked back up at him. “I want to fix you. I want to be yours. I want this.” He said simply, as if it was a revelation to himself and Khan. Khan held back the impulse to roll his eyes. He knew Kirk wanted this. Maybe he had assumed too much to think Kirk had realised he wanted this too. He was going to have to be gentle with Kirk. For now.

“Mine.” Khan whispered softly as he lifted a hand towards Kirk’s face, cupping his cheek.

Kirk closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing into the contact that he so desired. After visiting Khan in prison, Kirk had been anxious and unsure of how to be towards Khan. The things Khan had said tonight had eased Kirk’s uneasy mind, finishing Kirk’s mental battle for him. Now he wasn’t constantly fighting between his mind and his body, Kirk could relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the poetic turn Khan took, I'm feeling rather poetic when trying to write him and I couldn't get the broken shards idea out of my head.
> 
> This chapter was meant to be longer, but I feel bad that it's taken a week to update and as the rest isn't finished, I've split it into two.


	6. Supper and Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What am I doing wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I must apologise for the gap between updates. Last week was very busy; college taster days, friends plans, doctors, family sleeping, and then headaches, again. I really do hate headaches.
> 
> Oh well ~ I hope this chapter makes up for it, and I really hope you like it!

Jim turned his head in Khan’s hand, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath in and pressed into the hand further. He kissed Khan’s palm, eyes flickering up to Khan’s face to see his reaction. Khan was watching him, eyes slightly wider in surprise. While keeping the eye contact with him, Jim turned his hand over and gently dotted kisses all over it. Khan was watching him with an expression so open and surprised by the little tender kisses, Jim wanted to put little tender kisses everywhere, to cover Khan with kisses.

Khan was sat in the corner of the couch, his long legs open and stretching out onto the floor. Jim moved so he was sat next to Khan, sitting with his legs crossed and body facing him. In response to Jim moving closer, Khan leant forward, placing an elbow on Jim’s knee and reaching up to wrap his hand around the back of Jim’s neck. He pulled Jim closer to him, well, half-pulled him as Jim was leaning into Khan without any prompting.

“I feel as if I don’t need to impress you.” Jim whispered against Khan’s lips. “I want to be as good as you, to be worth a man like you, but I don’t feel the need to impress you with how good I can be.”

Khan leant his forehead against Jim’s in response, a silent encouragement to go on.

“It's like a weight is off of my shoulders.” Jim said simply, happily. “I don’t know what it is about you, you make me… Relax.” Jim’s voice lifted at the end, offering the word as if he was unsure on it being the right one to describe his feelings.

“We are the same, James. Where we don’t match, we contradict and fill one another to make one whole. You’ll see, if you don’t yet. One day.”

“One day.” Jim repeated. “Is that a promise or a threat?”

“Whichever you choose it to be.” Khan whispered, almost growling. “Whether you want to be or not, you are mine and will always be mine.”

“You haven’t even taken me out for dinner.” Jim joked, placing a kiss lightly on Khan’s lips. He brought his hand up to run his fingers through Khan’s hair, settling on the back of his head to pull Khan even closer, eliciting a moan from both of them.

At that moment, someone knocked on the door.

Jim leant away from Khan slightly, sighing as he closed his eyes. “If looks could kill…” He muttered as he stood up, leaving Khan, to open the door.

Khan smirked, amused at James’ response to being interrupted. Again, that little bit of paranoia spoke up to challenge the smirk, ‘Maybe he’s reacting like this at being disturbed in general, not just being disturbed from you in particular.’ Khan watched Jim walk away, frowning slightly before sitting up straighter and thinking ‘One day it’ll be with me in particular.’ Khan was always ready for a challenge.

Jim straightened his shirt up and ran his hand through his hair. He cleared his throat and opened the door to see Scotty.

As soon as the door was open wide enough, Scotty walked through it, already rambling with his Scottish accent coming through thicker with his fast speech. “I’ve just heard the news, I can’t believe they’ve let the mad bastard go.” Scotty began as he walked straight towards the kitchen, not noticing the ‘mad bastard’ who had stood up when Scotty had entered. He proudly put a bottle of Scotch on the kitchen counter, then folded his arms. When Jim’s only response was a raised eyebrow, Scotty unfolded his arms to gesture to the bottle. “I thought you might need a drink. I know I do.” He sighed before pointing a finger at Jim. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about all the other bottles, I’m adding this to the seven you already owe me. Scotch isn’t cheap you know. It might be for Mr Perfect Hair but it’s not for the rest of us.” Ever since Scotty had first called him that, it had become a joke between them.

Jim coughed back a laugh at Scotty; he always managed to make Jim smile.

“Good afternoon, Scotty-“ Jim began before Scotty interrupted him.

“I think you mean good evening, Captain.” He huffed.

“Good evening, Mr Scott.” Khan said, causing Scotty to jump.

Scotty looked from Khan, to Jim, back to Khan. “What’re you doing here?”

“James offered me a place to stay until more permanent accommodations are decided upon.” Khan threw a look at Jim. “If they need to change.” He added.

“You. Staying here?” Scotty turned to Jim. “Have you gone mad, Captain? He might try to kill you again.”

“I would never hurt James.” Khan growled, taking a step closer to Scotty. Jim mirrored the step, wanting to be closer in case he needed to quickly step in.

“You believe him?” Scotty once again turned to Jim, a face of disbelief.

Jim sighed, unsure of how best to convince Scotty. He decided to just be honest. “I do. Khan won’t hurt me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Jim paused at that, debating how much to tell Scotty, before settling on nothing. He wouldn’t say anything about him and Khan’s… Relationship, until Jim had figured out for himself what was going on. “Because if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t be free right now. Khan’s the type of man that repays gestures like that, and therefore won’t be killing me anytime soon.”

Scotty’s frown deepened as he thought that over. “I don’t feel good about this, Captain.”

Jim warmed slightly at the concern Scotty had for him. He smiled as he said “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Scotty rolled his eyes at Jim’s laidback attitude. “Aye, I definitely need a drink.”

Jim walked over to the kitchen, grabbing three glasses and placing them next to the scotch He was standing opposite Scotty, the kitchen counter between them. Scotty held up the third glass and pointed it in Khan’s direction, “Do you drink?”

“I can drink, but I do not get drunk.”

“Neither do I anymore.” Jim said as he began to pour two glasses. “Or I could do, if I drank loads.” He added as he waited for Scotty to put down the third glass.

“You drink like a fish and now you can’t get the benefits. Serves you right.” Scotty said as he placed the empty glass down, switching it to pick up a poured glass.

Khan walked over to them, standing at the end of the kitchen counter so he was evenly between Jim and Scotty. To move closer to Jim would have seemed strange to Scotty, and to have moved closer to Scotty would have made Scotty uncomfortable.

They all held up their glasses into the middle, clinking after Jim said “To family.”

Khan watched Jim, and Jim could feel Khan watching him. Jim ignored his gaze and asked Scotty how the Enterprise was doing.

“Another six months Captain and she’ll be finished. Ready to leave exactly one year after,” Scotty paused to glance at Khan, a glance which Khan returned, “…Marcus.”

Jim whistled. “Six months. That’s flown by.” He quickly swallowed his drink. “Onto the next mission.” He grinned at Scotty and Khan, butterflies already fluttering in his stomach at what opportunities lay before them.

“You’re like a big kid, do you know that?” Scotty rolled his eyes at Jim’s adventurous attitude. He looked at Khan, a puzzled expression taking over his face. “What will you do now?” He asked Khan.

“I plan to find something to do within Star Fleet. If not Star Fleet, I’m sure there are other places to find work.”

“What about after work?” Jim asked sharply.

Khan paused, visibly stumped by the question. “I… Don’t know.” He frowned and looked at the glass in his hands.

“I’m sure Star Fleet will find somewhere to hide you. They know you won’t get a job anywhere else, not with everybody hating you. Well,” Scotty quickly corrected himself, “Not everybody. Not anymore.”

Khan looked up at Scotty’s words, intrigued at what they meant. He was about to ask more when Jim distracted him, offering “Another drink?”

After they had both agreed to another drink, Jim asked “What department do you think they’ll put him in?” as he poured three new drinks. He played with the lid of the Scotch bottle, nervous in case his change of subject hadn’t worked. The way Khan was looking at him, he guessed not. For now it was ignored, but later he would answer Khan’s questions.

“I don’t know. What are you good at?” Scotty asked Khan.

“Everything.”

Jim and Scotty met eye contact, mutually eye rolling. “Anything in particular?” Scotty pressed.

“Mechanics, engineering and weaponry.” Khan rolled off.

“That’ll get you a good job.” Scotty nodded. “But if you think you’re gunna take my place on the Enterprise, you’ve got another thing coming.” He warned.

“I don’t.” Khan reassured him, biting back the urge to respond that he could do Scotty’s job better than him blindfolded.

Jim moved from the kitchen counter, causing them both to look up. He moved over to the food replicator. “I’m a little hungry.” He mumbled before turning back to them. “Fancy a pizza?”

“No, no, Captain. I must be heading back now.” Scotty said as he stood up straight then began stretching. He looked at Khan, debating whether or not to say something. “I can understand why you did it.” He finally said. “That doesn’t mean I forgive it, or agree with it, but it’s…” He sighed before continuing, “I wouldn’t have understood it before, but after seeing what the Captain did to save us, I can understand why you did what you did. For family.” He looked at Jim as he repeated Jim’s toast from earlier before he walked away, turning only at the door to wave goodbye before he was gone.

“Will the rest of your crew be so…” Khan left the sentence open for Jim to finish, not wanting to insult or over-compliment Scotty’s words. There could have been a double meaning he’d somehow missed, a meaning only someone close to him would have noticed.

“Forgiving? No. Pizza?” Jim asked again.

“I don’t need to eat as often as you.” Khan replied.

Jim groaned at the thought. “That is a disadvantage. Food is gorgeous. Why wouldn’t you want to eat food?”

“I don’t not want to eat it, I just don’t need it.” Khan huffed slightly.

“Is everything as simple as what you need and don’t need?” Jim replied.

Khan paused for a second before he said “Not everything. Not anymore.”

They looked at each other, frozen in their positions as they tried to summarise the other. The tension built up until Jim turned away, slowly, saying “Pepperoni pizza, cut into quarters” to the food replicator.

“You’re having some of this.” Jim said as he placed the plate of pizza on the kitchen counter. “When was the last time you had good food?”

“You class pizza as good food?” Khan asked, only slightly joking.

Jim rolled his eyes. “You sound like Bones.” He picked up a slice, taking a bite, aware of Khan watching him again. Khan always seemed to watch him when they were together, unless there was somebody else addressing Khan. Jim liked it, which confused him. He had never been one to be possessive or like possessiveness, but with Khan it was different. He liked the fact that Khan, somebody who’s supposed to be superior, found him interesting enough to watch his every move. ‘Another, unwanted, ego boost.’ Bones would say.

“Do you think Star Fleet would let me work on the Enterprise?” Khan asked as he picked up a piece of the pizza, trying to seem indifferent about the question that had bounced around his mind all day.

Jim popped the rest of his slice in his mouth, thinking while he chewed. “I think there’s a strong chance of that happening. They’ll inevitably think you have good skills at whatever you apply for, then because of our… Connection, they’ll think you working on the Enterprise is a good move. Which it is.” Jim grinned as he took another slice.

“Our connection?” Khan quoted, before taking another bite to try to hide his expression with chewing.

“I don’t know what to call what we have. I don’t know what we have.” Jim said honestly. “To Star Fleet, it will be a connection at the minute.”

“At the minute?”

“They’ll know how we are depending on how we act. They’ll see we’re friendly.” Jim paused to eat some more pizza. “I wonder if there are bets on if I’ll murder you.”

“Oh, I would imagine so.” Khan said as he finished his pizza.

“Quite the opposite.” Jim said as he placed a hand over Khan’s. Khan flipped his hand over and placed his other hand on top of Jim’s, enclosing his hand. Jim grinned, and moved to put his other hand on top of Khan’s before he yawned, instead moving his hand to cover his mouth.

“You’re tired.” Khan stated. “Time for bed.”

“Yes boss.” Kirk muttered as he stretched. Khan watched him, disappointed that he wasn’t wearing something more casual to highlight his muscles when he stretched. “I can’t wait to get some sleep.” Jim mumbled as he walked around the counter, heading towards his bedroom. Khan stared after him, unsure of what to do for a second before he headed over to the couch, beginning to undress for bed.

“Khan, what are you doing?” Jim asked, stood in the doorway of his bedroom, a quilt and pillow tucked under his arms, suit gone, with just boxers and a vest on.

“What am I doing wrong?”

“You’re sleeping in my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Jim said as he lightly threw a cushion at Khan while he walked to the couch. He was beginning to set up his bed when something hit him, causing him to stumble backwards. “Woah.” He muttered, automatically encasing whatever it was thrown at him to his chest. He looked down in surprise, then up at Khan.

“Seriously? You want a pillow fight after you’ve already ordered me to bed? Such a tease.” Jim muttered with a smirk, fighting with his body’s natural reaction to the image in his mind. He held the pillow slightly lower. Tonight was not the night for that.

Khan was suddenly stood next to him, hand gripping his arm. “Are you okay?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “It was a pillow, Khan. I’m not that fragile.”

Khan looked at him like he didn’t believe him, before running his through Jim’s hair. Jim closed his eyes at the feeling, practically humming. Khan smiled as he cupped Jim’s cheek, leaning in to kiss him. “Goodnight, James.”

“Goodnight, Khan.” Jim replied sleepily. Khan walked into Jim’s bedroom, making it Jim’s turn to watch Khan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I reread this I realised Khan must seem out of character, but I think we only saw Khan in a certain situation, and we don't know how this Khan acts when put in other situations. Everybody imagines Khan differently, so this is how I imagine him to be.
> 
> (Kind of like the Hawkeye fanfics, people weren't sure how to write him because we didn't see enough of him to know how he'd be when he wasn't in battle.)
> 
> Comments are always welcome :)


	7. A Change In Attitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Perhaps one day he would see it.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it...

Khan woke up. He didn't stretch, or yawn, or move at all. He just opened his eyes. His instinct to feel for danger was already overpowering any other thoughts, using all his senses to check that; he was okay, he wasn't in danger, he was safe.

That was something Khan had always done, a safety measure that had become second nature. After Marcus woke him up and... Did what he did, Khan was extra cautious about his safety at all times.

Once, while working on the weapons, someone had suddenly touched Khan, trying to get his attention from the missiles he was so caught up in. Khan had broken the worker's arm and flipped him onto is back before he could breathe his next breath. The incident made Marcus laugh, and resulted in Khan being locked in a room for two days with no food or water. Two days for the two broken bones.

Khan sat up in bed, 'James' bed' he whispered as he took in the sight around him. It was a big room, with a window covering one wall that showed Khan San Francisco in the early hours. The sun rising just over the buildings, turning the cold, silver metals of structures into deep orange, was stunning. All the buildings reflected the sun's growth, giving everything a slight orange tint. It really was a beautiful sight.

The sunlight lit up James' room, showing Khan just how empty it was. Khan had been expecting the room to be littered with photos and personal belongings and souvenirs from the different places Kirk had been to, but there was nothing.

The bare necessities. Khan remembered how James had said his home was on the Enterprise, therefore assuming that James' bedroom on there would look very different. Perhaps one day he would see it.

Yes, he could work that into his plan. The past months in isolation had given Khan time to think over everything, his family, Kirk, Marcus, his actions, his past. What Khan hadn't done, hadn't let himself do, was think about the future. He couldn't plan his future if he didn't think he was going to have is. At least not in this time of being awake.

Khan was aware that his future had several possibilities. He believed the most likely possibility that Star Fleet would decide for him was for him to be returned to cryogenic sleep. If that wasn't to be his punishment, the next most likely option was death.

Believing one of those two possibilities was going to happen, Khan hadn't planned for any other outcome. Well, strictly speaking, that wasn't true. Khan planned for every outcome that he could think of, he just planned for some more than others.

Being let out of jail, free to live how he wished, reporting to Star Fleet once a month, was not an outcome Khan had planned greatly for. Being let out of jail, free to live how he wished, reporting to Star Fleet once a month, because of a word, a defence, from the person who should hate Khan most, was something that had surprised Khan greatly.

So Khan allowed himself one day to be surprised, to relish in the atmosphere that surrounded James, to show James what Khan was like underneath the 'shell', as James had called it last night.

That one day was over. Now it was time for Khan to get his family back, and now that Khan knew the consequences of his release, he could plan that to perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise the last six chapters have been all cute/fluff, I thank you for bearing with it for so long.
> 
> I was planning how the rest of this is going to go, and if I stay with the story I've currently got down to happen, there are at least ten more chapters... How do we feel about that?
> 
> Thank you for reading, comments are welcome<3


	8. Step One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you here to cause me more trouble, kid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback so far, cookies to you all<3

Kirk’s eyes fluttered as he registered the sound of running water. At first he panicked, thinking he’d left it on last night and was about to see his apartment flooded, then his brain kicked in and he realised Khan must be using the bathroom.

Khan. Using his bathroom. After staying in his bed.

Jim grinned at the thought. Oh how tongues would talk if they knew. Not for the first time, Jim thought about what the current rumours would be concerning him and Khan. Jim’s crew had been confused about him defending Khan, so how would everyone else be reacting?

The word ‘traitor’ echoed around his mind, causing him to squirm. Jim knew he was going to get backlash for what he did, but he didn’t care, because he knew he did the right thing. He just hoped the public took it in the right way. Even though the local news was still busy covering the corruption within Star Fleet, Jim knew somewhere there would be a piece trying to figure out why Jim had done what he’d done. The media didn’t have any morals to understand Jim’s actions.

Jim sat up, groaning as he stretched. The couch wasn’t the comfiest thing to sleep on, and the sound of his bones cracking proved that. Jim thought of how he could make it comfier as he walked to the bathroom, pausing at the doorway, unsure of if Khan wanted privacy. They hadn’t quite reached the morning-bathroom-routine stage in their relationship just yet.

“Good morning, James. Are you going to come in or do you plan to stay there all day?”

Jim walked over to the sink as he pointed a finger at Khan. “You are sassy on a morning.” He subtly checked Khan out as he was only wearing a vest that did nothing to hide his surprisingly large muscles and his pants.

Khan raised his eyebrow. “Sassy?”

“Spend some time with Bones; you’ll understand the meaning of the word then.” Jim grinned as he turned the tap on, watching Khan in the mirror as he walked towards him, placing a hand on Jim’s shoulder as he leant in. Khan closed his eyes as he took a deep breath in, then made a noise of approval before walking off.

Jim stared at him, his mouth open in surprise. “Did you just _sniff_ me?!”

Khan ignored the question, merely chuckling in response. Jim shook his head in disbelief, washing his face and brushing his teeth as fast as he could so he could ask Khan what he was up to.

However when Kirk walked into the living room, he was too distracted to ask Khan about the sniffing. Khan was putting several plates of food on the kitchen counter, and from what Jim could smell from where he stood, there was a large range to eat. As he got closer, Jim thought that Khan had got every breakfast possible.

“Hungry, are we?” Jim asked as he picked up a croissant, using his other hand to catch any crumbs that fell.

Khan handed him an empty plate with a supressed eye roll. “We have a big day ahead of us, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“Do we?” The surprise was clear in Jim’s voice. “What do you have planned?” He asked as he shook some cereal into a bowl.

“I want to go into Star Fleet HQ and see what job I can offer my services to.” Khan said calmly as he plated up for himself eggs, bacon and beans.

Jim paused to think over the situation. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do today?” He said hesitantly. “It can wait.”

Khan tilted his head to the side. “You are against the idea. Explain why to me.”

“You only got let out yesterday, I would have assumed you’d want at least a day of freedom to visit… Anywhere. We can go anywhere you like.” Jim smiled at the possibilities.

“I wish to become a member of this society properly, to fully integrate myself into this age. Also, I need to find out who has been designated as my parole officer and what conditions he sets me.”

“That doesn’t need to happen today. You can spend one day away from all that,” Jim waved a hand towards nowhere in particular, “and we can do it tomorrow.”

Khan frowned slightly into his food. Convincing Jim was harder than he thought. “I want to, have you heard the phrase ‘Strike the iron while it’s hot’?” Jim nodded after a moment to think. “I believe that now is the perfect time to become involved in any of Star Fleet’s departments. As you, and everybody else, seem to think that the media is pre-occupied with bigger news, I could easily slip into a position without public backlash. By the time the corruption news has calmed down and anybody begins to wonder what happened to ‘John Harrison’,” Khan said with a sneer, “I will already have a placement and be working too efficiently for them to fire me.”

Jim nodded at his logic, but it didn’t dispel the frown from his face. “Okay, fine.” He said sulkily.

They finished their meal in silence, Khan going back over their conversation to figure out why Jim was so upset about this. When they had finished, he placed a hand over Jim’s while asking “Is something wrong?”

Jim sighed before admitting “I just wanted you to have one free day. If I had been caged up for six months, I’d want to go wild with freedom. But you, you’re… Controlled. Makes me wonder how different we really are.”

Khan nodded. “I have to admit that the craving to rebel from the restrictions is there, however although it would be enjoyable short term, I knew it wouldn’t help in the long term goal. I control my emotions, not they I.”

“See, that’s what bothers me. Everything you do is controlled, calculated. Do you ever do anything based on urge, on gut instinct?”

Khan shook his head. “Going off of ‘gut instinct’ leaves too much room for error. Too many things should go wrong.”

“But they don’t. Not for me.”

“That sounds as if you’re using luck to support rash decisions. When you made these decisions, did you know they were going to turn out the way they did?”

Jim frowned. “When I have a gut feeling, I trust it enough to follow it through. It works out well.”

Khan frowned at him, in disbelief that this naive thinking had got James this far. “One day thinking like that will consequence in a lot of people being injured.”

Jim snapped. “I’m not an idiot. If I thought something was going to go wrong, I wouldn’t do it. When I think up a plan, I twist that to fit the safety of others, not safety to fit my plan. I wouldn’t risk my crew.”

Khan paused before saying quietly “But you have done, time and time again.”

Jim stared at him, before turning away. “Sometimes you have to take risks. The risks I take pay off. If it gets the job done, and nobody hurt, then what does it matter?” Jim said before walking off, leaving Khan sat alone around the counter.

Khan’s gaze fell to the food on the table. He wasn’t looking at it, he was lost in thought; thinking about how many times James had taken a risk with his crew, and how many times these risks had worked, and how many times they’d failed. Maybe they weren’t risks, maybe they were ideas Jim had that he’d subconsciously thought through to make sure it was a good plan. Jim was cleverer than he made out to be, maybe even cleverer than he realised.

Jim’s popped his head through the doorway to the bathroom, his words mumbled as he was brushing his teeth at the same time as speaking. “There’s a spare toothbrush next to the sink. I should have asked if you wanted to brush your teeth before breakfast, I completely forgot, I’m sorry.”

“It’s no problem, I brush my teeth after breakfast anyway.”

Jim’s face twisted in disgust. “Ew. Eating breakfast with furry teeth? That’s disgusting.” He momentarily pointed his toothbrush at Khan, repeating “Ew” before disappearing again.

*

Half an hour later, the two men were walking into Star Fleet HQ, talking about films from Khan’s generation.

“Oh come on, the Disney films are classics!”

“They gave children a wrong impression of what their future was going to be like. They weren’t going to grow up, magically fall in love with someone and walk off into the sunset to live happily ever after.” Khan said, his voice dripping with mockery. “Why mislead children?”

Jim shook his head sternly. “They’re giving children imagination, dreams.”

“They’re setting children up for disappointment.” Khan corrected.

“You have no imagination. Life isn’t about reality, it’s about following your dreams. Bones!” Jim shouted as he saw Bones walking out of the doors. He half-ran to catch up with his best friend. “Tell Khan he’s wrong about Disney films being misleading for the future.”

“I have to admit, I liked the odd Disney film. Then my wife left me, took everything I had and moved to the other end of the god damn planet.” Bones grumbled.

Jim stuck his tongue out at Bones. “Spoilsport.”

Bones returned the childish move with a scowl.

“Why are you here anyway?” Jim asked.

Bones sighed as he rolled eyes. “Another meeting. They still haven’t got over that video being leaked.” He met Khan’s eyes quickly before looking back at Jim, shifting uncomfortably. “They want to know who released it, and they’re blaming anyone they can. It would so happen that I’m they’re favourite suspect. They’re talking about restricting what information I can reach.”

“I’m sorry, Bones. If I’d have known they’d have blame you-”

“You’d have still done it, and if you hadn’t, I’d have done it for you. You did what you needed to do. It was the right thing.” Bones sighed as if the uncharacteristic optimism had worn him out. “Now go away before I really make you feel guilty.”

“I’ll call in and see you later.” Jim offered as he walked backwards into the building.

“Bring some beer. It’ll make having to put up with you easier.”

“Ouch. You hurt me, Bones.”

Khan had watched their interaction with a puzzled look on his face. When Jim turned to face the right way, Khan stated “He loves you greatly, but he hides it.”

Jim nodded slowly. “Bones doesn’t do well with emotions. I didn’t know him from before his divorce, but I think that helped make him the way he is.”

Khan didn’t reply. He was comparing how different his people were to these people, and how today everybody wore their heart on their sleeve. Or maybe it was just Kirk’s friends. Either way, they wore their heart, their emotions, their past on their sleeves, but thought they were actually covering them up well. Both James and Bones had problems that you didn’t need to dig too far to find. Maybe all of James’ friends were like that. Maybe James liked the broken ones.

Was that why James liked him? Was Khan just another broken one to fix?

Khan looked sideways at Jim. There was something about Jim that made Khan want to figure him out. Maybe it was how Jim had surprised Khan time and time again, and that in itself was a surprise. Something new. Nobody had surprised Khan before. Jim was different.

Jim felt Khan’s gaze on him and turned to throw him a smile. “What’s wrong?”

“I was wondering where we’re going. You seem to know who to go to. Is there anybody left who you can trust in this system?” Khan’s voice took on a superior tone.

“There’s one person I trust. Pike spoke highly of him before, I think he was Pike’s best friend, in and out of work He’s one of the good guys.” Jim smiled encouragingly as they walked into the lift. There was nobody else in there, so they both stood against opposite walls, facing each other.

“Can you really be so sure?”

“He was the one who sorted out my speaking at your trial. I trust Pike’s judgement, and from what I’ve seen so far, there’s no reason to distrust it.”

Khan nodded once, watching James’ face to see what emotions passed over it. He was surprised to see him neutral. Every time Pike had been mentioned beforehand, several emotions had washed over James at once, but this time there was nothing. Khan wondered what had caused James to become so controlled so quickly.

Jim took a small step towards Khan, breaking off Khan’s thought track. He registered the size of James’ pupils and the excited expression on his face.

“I really want to kiss you.” Jim admitted. The atmosphere suddenly became tense, hot, exciting.

They stared at each other as the tension grew, before Khan spoke. “The wrong place and the wrong time, _Captain_.”

Jim grinned in response as the lift came to a stop. He took a step closer to Khan, staring at his lips, then turned at the last minute and walked out.

_‘Tease’_ , Khan thought as he followed Jim.

Two lefts, a right, another left, two rights, then Jim stopped. He turned to look at Khan, “Are you sure you want to do this today?”

Khan looked past him at the name on the door; Harry Senior. ‘How British.’ Khan thought as he looked back at Jim.

A large part of Khan wanted to say ‘No’ and let James take him out for the day. It was be an exciting day, very surprising. Khan wondered where James would take him, imagined hearing him gush over wherever he chose, craved wanting to get to know him more.

But a larger part of Khan, a much larger part, was telling him to say ‘Yes’. He can get to know James later, after he’s awoken his family. His main priority was to find his family, and wake them all up. There were steps after those had been done, but Khan couldn’t properly plan them out until he knew where in Star Fleet he was assigned. And to do that, he needed to get a job there…

“Yes.” Khan smiled briefly at Jim, mainly to encourage him into going along with what Khan wanted.

Jim turned and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Came a hoarse voice from inside.

Jim opened the door and took a step in. “Harry, do you have a minute?”

“Are you here to cause me more trouble, kid?” Khan could hear the smile in the man’s voice. “For you, of course. Come in, come in.”

Jim opened the door fully, moving out of the way to let Khan in.

‘ _Step one_ …’ Khan thought with a smile as he entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise if the bathroom scene is wrong for Star Trek, I haven’t watched any of the original series yet to know otherwise.
> 
> I thought it would be quite fitting to update today, one month from when I first posted this fic ~ Eight chapters in a month, I’m still undecided if this is good or bad.
> 
> I want to explain why Khan is debating about Jim at the end, whether to go along with Jim for a day or free his family asap. Khan is completely focused on his family, that is his main priority, but that doesn’t stop him from his feelings for Jim wanting to make an impact in his decisions. I think it seems out of character, but he does go with his original plan, he just momentarily allows him to think about what he could do with Jim. I think I mainly want to show that Khan isn’t using Jim. I want to show that Khan does feel for Jim, and the fact that he’s feeling for someone who’s so below him is so overwhelming that he doesn’t know how to react to it, therefore he lets himself think of Jim for a moment, then he puts himself in life and strives for his family goal.
> 
> Sorry for the mini-rant, I don’t want you to think Khan’s wrong, more… Overwhelmed. And surprised. And caring.
> 
> I’m going on holiday this week, and I'm afraid I won’t be able to update for at least two weeks. Looking on the positive side, we’re driving around France so I’ll be spending a lot of time in the car, which therefore means a lot of time writing Khirk. Yay!
> 
> As always, comments are always welcome and appreciated :)


	9. A Plan In Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, Khan wants to join Star Fleet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found WiFi! My mum bought WiFi for a day at our camp site, so here you go ~
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and where this is heading...

Khan observed the person in front of him as he walked into the room. Tall and skinny, his lanky body made him appear younger than he was. He was wearing the Star Fleet uniform, hanging from him loosely, suggesting that he'd lost weight since last having any alterations to the suit. Going off the age of the suit (not very old) and what he'd said to James, Khan guessed Harry Senior had recently been under a lot of stress. All because of Jim? If so, that was indirectly because of Khan.

 

Khan offered his hand to shake Harry Senior out of respect, surprising Jim with his friendlier-than-expected attitude.

 

Harry batted his hand away. "No need to be so formal, I know everything documented about you."

 

"Yet you are not scared.' Khan observed.

 

"I don't need to be, I don't plan to threaten anything you love anytime soon." Harry said with a small smile.

 

Khan nodded once at Harry before Harry gestured for them to sit down, himself sitting on the edge of his table.

 

"Congratulations on your release, not to mention the conditions which you were released on. It must have been your lucky day." Harry looked at Jim out of the corner of his eye. "Or maybe someone just gave a damn good speech at the end."

 

Jim dipped his head with a smile before his expression turned serious. "All thanks to you. You said me speaking at the end was the best you could do, but that was the best full stop."

 

"How so?" Khan mused aloud.

 

Harry spoke up. "If anybody liked you before the trial, the evidence against you would have destroyed that amiability. After hearing how many people you've killed and how calmly you did it and how it was all part of your," Harry raised his hands slightly to shake them, lowering his voice to say "master plan" before returning to normal, "everyone will have made up their minds that you were a murderer and deserved the worst punishment possible. Then Jimmy boy over there jumps in, tells everyone your sob story and suddenly everyone feels too guilty for what they originally thought to follow through with it. Ingenious, even if I do say so myself. You did good, son." Harry smiled broadly, flashing them his bright-white teeth.

 

"I don't think they needed much of a push. They'd all seen the video-" Jim momentarily paused as he glanced at Khan, silently cursing himself for mentioning that, before continuing, "-I just made them forget about their anger long enough to realise they were letting their craving for revenge control them."

 

Harry shuddered. "That video though, I was nearly sick." He looked at Khan, his expression a mixture of emotions that Khan found intriguing; disgust, horror, recoil, embarrassment, hostility, sadness. "Have you noticed anybody looking at you funny?" His voice lower and more serious.

 

"He's been too engrossed in me to notice others." Jim joked, a silent order to drop the subject. "How's Elizabeth?"

 

Harry replied, talking animatedly about Elizabeth's results from Star Fleet as Khan stared at James, piecing together all he's heard in relation to this 'video'.

 

It took him less than five seconds.

 

Khan tensed his entire body, anger coursing through his veins. Everything in Khan was screaming at him to hit out, to let this anger out. The fact that _anyone_ had seen any of those videos was unacceptable. Someone was going to pay.

 

Jim noticed Khan's reaction out of the corner of his eye and placed a hand upon Khan's thigh, squeezing slightly. He looked at Khan, his apology shining in his eyes.

 

"I'm so sorry."

 

Harry pretended to ignore them, walking around to sit on his chair and fiddling with his PADD to give them a moment of privacy-Well, as private as you can get in a business room with someone else there to hear what's being said.

 

Khan glared at Jim with a million questions in his eyes and a million emotions flickering over his face; anger, hatred, hurt, sadness, betrayal. They all stung Jim, his mind memorising them to torture him with later; he'd caused Khan to feel like that.

 

Then, the mask slipped over Khan's face. 

 

"Later." Khan warned, his voice dark. Jim nodded.

 

Worries about Khan flipping out pushed back until 'later', Jim turned to Harry. "So, Khan wants to join Star Fleet."

 

Harry nodded in approval. "Good move. Who's idea was that?"

 

"Khan's." Jim said when Khan didn't reply. Khan's good mood was gone, he was now collected, controlled and isolated, listening to the conversation they were having about him and not contributing anything to it.

 

"I'll look into it for you, but I doubt there'll be any trouble. They'll be surprised, and too desperate to make up for Marcus' doing, to say no. Anyway, going off the work you did for Marcus, I'm assuming your talents will be welcomed with open arms."

 

"He's too good to turn down." Jim said with a smile, the double meaning not being missed by Khan, but it did nothing to improve his mood.

 

"Exactly. There's a chance they'll want to send you to the Academy, either that or they'll examine you to test what you'd be best suited to."

 

"Can't they just slot him into where he was before?" Jim asked. He noticed Khan's hand clench into a fist at this and added "Or somewhere similar? Just, you know, without the hassle."

 

"Maybe. I'll talk to our new director," Harry said with an eye roll, "and let you know. Come back tomorrow and I'll have information. But, like I said," Harry said as he stood up, "I imagine he'll be tested in one way or another."

 

Khan stood up and walked out of the room, not speaking to either of them.

 

"Thanks, Harry." Jim said as he stood up.  "I'm sorry about that, I hadn't told him about the videos, hadn't planned to either." He blew out a breath. "Lesson learned for the future, don't hide anything from a superhuman."

 

"I think a good luck is in order then. I don't want to be you right now." Harry smiled at him, a look of pity on his face. "I can't blame him for being angry, not one bit, I'm just thankful he didn't trash my office."

 

Jim shook his head at Harry, saying "Thank you again" before walking out. He noticed Khan was stood by the elevator, waiting for him.

 

Khan ignored him once Jim was stood next to him. They walked into the lift in silence, both their minds working fast in thought.

 

Their uncomfortable silence continued as they walked to Jim's apartment.

 

Khan's mood became worse with every person that walked past. What Jim had said, although meant as joke, was true; Khan had been to engrossed in Jim to notice anybody else. Now, however, Khan was looking for how others reacted to him, and he didn't have to look far. Every person that walked past him did a double take, pulling an expression of horror, pity, shock, anger, remorse, or all of the above. Khan gritted his teeth with every passer-by, standing straighter and pulling his shoulders back to show how powerful he was, the dominance rolling off of him. He glared at everybody who dared to look at him.

 

The only time Jim and Khan spoke was when Khan sharply asked "Who is the new director?"

 

"Martin Hobkinson. Him and Harry don't see eye to eye, ever."

 

"Is he corrupt?"

 

"Nope, just a pain. The rule book is his bible."

 

And the silence consumed them again.

 

Jim could feel the anger roll off of Khan like waves, which only made the silence more uncomfortable. They were both tense and hostile, ready for the oncoming fight.

 

Jim was not looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be really cheeky and ask for comments, the next few chapters are important and I want to make sure I get them right. Comments on where this is going wrong/right are welcome with open arms<3


	10. The Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your best is not enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the feedback on the previous chapter, you lovely people<3
> 
> I've messed around with this so much... Enjoy.

"You made me look weak!" Khan growled as soon as Jim had shut the door. He punched Jim in the stomach, causing him to double over, and used the moment of weakness to push Jim, slamming his body against Jim's to pin it to the door. One arm was pressed against Jim's throat, and the other was braced against the door beside Jim's face.

Khan's anger was clear on his face, the waves of anger coming off of him hitting Jim like slaps. "I do not think you realise how hard it was to not kill Harry there and then. I want to kill everyone who's seen that video."

 

"What's stopping you?" Jim grunted out, struggling to breath against Khan's arm.

 

Khan paused, letting his arm slacken slightly. He couldn't tell Jim that killing people would make sure he'd be killed in turn or put back into cryogenic sleep, and therefore ruin all chances of him awakening his people. So he told him the truth, to an extent.

 

"It would do no good in the long term, as opposed to giving me pleasure in the short term."

 

"Killing is bad." Jim stated.

 

Khan growled, adding pressure onto Jim's throat. "Do not treat me like a child, Kirk. Killing is a necessity, and when it's to the right person, enjoyable."

 

Jim watched him, unsure of what to say in the mood Khan was in and even if he wanted to speak, he couldn't.

 

"Why did you do it?" Khan asked, his voice laced with betrayal and hurt. He sounded momentarily weak, vulnerable.

 

"I... had to." Jim coughed out. Khan growled in response, punching Jim in the face. Jim's head snapped to the right, momentarily blinded as he hit the door with a thud.

 

He turned to face Khan as soon as he could, bringing his arm back and aiming for Khan's face. Khan blocked that, as well as the stomach jab. They continued to fight, Jim attacking powerfully and Khan defending calmly. When Jim was breathless, Khan attacked, hitting Jim over and over again all over his body. Jim never stood a chance and he knew it, but he was an idiot if he didn't try to fight back. Even though it was the wrong time, Jim could feel the pleasure of a fight warm his body. He just loved a good fight.

 

He quickly brought his arm up, hooking it around Khan's neck and dragging him to the floor. The move surprised Khan, and they fell heavily. Jim moved to straddle Khan, shouting "LISTEN TO ME!"

 

Khan paused for a second.

 

"Khan, there was no way you were going to be let out, it didn't matter what I said. Your actions, how easily you hurt and killed people, would go against anything I said. You had given the public no reason to sympathise with you, and no proof to support what I planned to say."

 

"So?" Khan snarled. "They can not sympathise with me, they do not have emotionally capacity to."

 

"They _needed_  to sympathise with you, to _understand_  why you did what you did. If they understood why you did it, even a little bit, you'd be free."

 

"The video made them pity me. I don't want their pity. I don't want anyone's pity." Khan growled, sliding from under Jim and standing up in one fluid movement.

 

Jim mirrored his move, much slower and with added groans of pain. "You're wrong. The video showed them what you have been put through, all that has been done to you, and how unwilling you were to do everything you did. The video showed them that you weren't the person they thought you were, until you were blackmailed with your family."

 

Khan was staring at Jim's chest, lost in thought or listening; either way Jim took it as encouragement to carry on.

 

"I released it not long after you were taken to prison. You were the headline news, everyone was talking about your death sentence, wanting your head on a platter because you're a murderer.

 

"I released the video, and suddenly there was uproar. People started asking questions about Star Fleet, about Marcus, about just how many people knew what was going on. So you become side-story news as the corruption news become international news.

 

"To be honest, I think everyone wanted to see corruption on the news rather than that video one more time. No one wanted to punish you after seeing what had been done to you, and it's weighed on everyone's minds until the trial. I knew the video had worked wonders, I was only nervous if what I said was going to be enough to undo what the prosecutor said against you."

 

Khan lifted his gaze to stare at Jim, his mind working like mad as he thought several thoughts at once.

 

"They think it was Bones because Bones has the access and he would do it for you." Khan stated.

 

"Technically, no. Even Bones doesn't have that amount of clearing, but he wouldn't need to hack much further to get it. And he would have done it for me, so yeah, it doesn't look good for Bones." Jim blew out a breath as he ran a hand through his hair. "I hack them all the time, but I've never released anything to the public. I'm not an idiot, I made it look like a computer failure, which took me ages to do, but they saw through that after so long."

 

"I should say thank you." Khan began. "However, you made me look weak, pathetic, vulnerable. How am I supposed to thank you for that?" He spat.

 

"It was either this or you died. I understand that I made you look weak and looking weak is a big flaw to you, but I saved your life. I did the best I could." Jim shouted at him, his cheeks flushing in anger.

 

"Your best is not enough. You made me look powerless. Without my power, I'm nothing. You have reduced me to this. /You./" Khan looked at him like if he was a piece of dirt on his shoe. "I have nothing else to say to you." His face distorted in disgust before he walked off.

 

Jim stared after him for a moment, Khan's words ringing in his ears, "Your best is not enough." echoing through his mind the loudest. Then he turned and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I've messed around with this a lot, so comments on how this chapter went would be greatly appreciated<3
> 
> The next chapter's a biggie (in more ways than one) and I'll be posting it tomorrow night... Can you handle the suspense? ;)


	11. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whispers there's too much that happens to pick one line...
> 
> "Leap without looking..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you it was a biggie...

Jim walked back into the apartment at half eleven that night.

 

 

"Where have you been?" Khan asked as he stood up off of the couch.

 

 

"Like you care." Jim muttered, heading towards the replicator. He winced at the pain, a protest against having to move, from his body. Especially in his ribs. He sighed, his voice turning higher halfway through as he gasped. When he had got a drink of water, he turned to see Khan was still there, watching him.

 

"What?"

 

"Where have you been?" Khan repeated.

 

"Do me a favour, and just stop with the possessiveness. Just stop." Jim glared at Khan, daring him to carry on.

 

Khan paused at being ordered around. Once again, Jim was challenging him.

 

He tried a different tact. "I apologise for earlier-"

 

"I don't want to talk about earlier. In fact, I don't want to talk. Not with you. Not right now."

 

"James-"

 

"No, Khan. Leave me alone."

 

Khan's eyes flared at being interrupted twice, especially when he was trying to apologise - something which he doesn't do. Khan thought Jim should be flattered by his apology, not cutting him off as if what he had to say was more important.

 

He looked at James, noticing the soon-to-be-black eye, the bust lip, several cuts all over and three turning-purple bruises. That was just on his face. There was a limp to his walk and obviously something wrong with his ribs, both on the left and right side. How bad had he hurt James?

 

As Jim brought the glass of water up to his lips, Khan also noticed his bruised knuckles. Jim definitely hadn't left with them looking that bad.

 

So Jim had been to a bar, fighting.

 

But he didn't look drunk, so he'd been fighting sober. Khan debated which was worse. Jim had gone out looking for a fight, maybe picking on drunks who wouldn't take much riling.

 

Jim was still glaring at him.

 

"Fine." Khan grunted.

 

"Thank you." Jim snapped sarcastically as he slid his now empty glass along the kitchen counter and into the sink. He walked past Khan, completely blanking him and headed straight for the bathroom.

 

Khan stared after him, angry and saddened by Jim's attitude, and a moment later heard the shower running.

 

He sighed.

 

While Jim was gone, Khan had spent some time frozen to the spot, thinking. After, he had looked around the apartment without Jim giving him the commentary. Jim's apartment was like his bedroom; basic, simple and empty.

 

The bathroom had a bath, a shower, a toilet and a sink. Few toiletries littered the room. The living room and kitchen were only separated by the kitchen counter that served Jim as a counter, a bar, a table and, when he was really tired (or really drunk), somewhere to rest his head for 'just a moment'. The living room had the basic fittings; the large couch that took up the centre of the room faced bookshelves that were filled with a wide range of books, and one photograph. The only photograph in the whole apartment; Jim and Bones, in their early academy days going by their outfits, Jim pulling his award winning smile while looking at Bones, and Bones directing his usual surly expression at the camera.

 

Khan had spent little time dwelling on that; he was more interested in the books. Actual books. A surprise that Khan was delighted with when Jim had first shown him, and had today spent his time alone rejoicing in, picking books of his choice and reading.

 

Now, he sat back down on the couch and returned to the history book he had been reading, before Jim had come back, about the 21st Century.

Two hours later, Khan heard whimpers coming from Jim's room.

 

He stood up and moved to the bedroom door swiftly, pausing only to debate how Jim would react if help wasn't needed compared to if help was needed. The pause was minute; Khan couldn't control his urge to make sure James was alright.

 

The first thing Khan noticed was how hot the room was, the second was that the source of all the heat was Jim. Khan stood by the side of Jim's bed, the light from the living room that penetrated the bedroom made it possible for Khan to assess him.

 

Jim was covered in sweat, his limbs tangled in the dark bed cover, and his constant whimpers pausing only to let out sentence fragments every other moment.

 

"Dare you to do better... Dad... Leap without looking..."

 

Khan frowned slightly at these words. He wanted to know the full meaning of them, the story behind them. He wanted to know all about James, but he also wanted to make James forgot about the bad times, every dark thought that had ever crossed his mind, every bad word that had ever been said to him-

 

"Best is not enough." Jim muttered before rolling over, half-a-sob-half-a-sigh escaping his lips.

 

His words made Khan freeze, both physically and mentally.

 

Then they made him move. Khan leant over Jim and pressed a finger behind his jaw, slowly adding pressure to it until Jim's eyes fluttered awake.

 

"What are you-Khan!" Jim pushed his head further back into his pillow as he stared at the figure above him with half-lidded eyes. Once he realised who it was, he pulled the other man practically on top of him. "Khan, I'm so sorry." Jim sobbed into Khan's shirt.

 

"Shhh, James." Khan whispered soothingly as he rubbed Jim's neck slowly, waiting for Jim to fully wake up, control his emotions from his nightmare and start shouting at him again. "It's okay."

 

He pulled them up into a more comfortable position. Khan sat on the bed, facing the headboard, his legs not-properly crossed as he held Jim into his chest. Jim had his back to the headboard, his legs stretched out before him, still tangled up in the sheets.

 

"No, no it's not." Jim muttered as he shook his head in Khan's chest. He lifted up his head to look Khan in the eyes. His eyes were piercing blue, the tears gathered at the bottom threatening to spill. "You were right, my best is not enough, not anymore. I take too many risks and I hurt too many people. Both you and Pike said it; I use luck to justify my actions and now my luck's run out. What good am I?"

 

Khan was shocked into silence by Jim's insecurities. This man, who everybody though was cocky, overconfident, and to a certain degree, an idiot, had more of a conscious that any of them had given him credit for. He seemed to be shallow, to take risks that paid off, have a laugh with his crew and then get drunk and have sex. That was how Jim looked to everybody. Khan felt like an idiot for seeing Jim this way too.

 

Khan knew Jim had issues and insecurities from his childhood, that much was obvious. But what else was a constant bother to Jim? What else was always in the back of his mind, chipping away his actual confidence while Jim played up his cockiness?

 

How much of the digs everyone had at him were actually remembered? How many insults came back to have another stab at him later?

 

And how many people does Jim actually talk to about these worries? Does he even think about them himself, or does he just push them further and further down, replacing them with his bravado?

 

Did he love fighting because the physical pain momentarily made him forget about his emotional pain?

 

"I can't do it anymore. I'm not enough."

 

Jim's words brought Khan out of his thoughts. "James, stop." He cupped Jim's face and kissed his forehead softly, desperate to wipe away the heartbreakingly sad expression.

 

"Khan, I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I think of, I doubt, because I'll end up hurting someone in the end. I don't to hurt anyone, that's not what a Captain's supposed to do."

 

"You think you're a bad, Captain."

 

"Yes." Jim whispered after a pause.

 

"You're wrong."

 

"No, I'm-"

 

"James, stop talking and listen to me." Jim closed his mouth with a slight huff. "Once you begin to doubt yourself as a Captain, you assess your crew. You look at how they treat you, how they react to you, how they speak of you. James, your crew admire and love you."

 

Jim shook his head, looking down at his hands. "They shouldn't do."

 

"Yet they do. They idolise you and they would do anything that you asked them to. They are a crew who are dedicated and loyal to their Captain. How can you doubt yourself?"

 

"Look at how many people I've lost."

 

It was Khan's turn to shake his head, frowning as he said sternly "You're looking at things wrong. Compare how many people were lost to how many you could have lost. You gave your life to save as many of your crew as you could."

 

"Because I didn't know what else to do!" Jim shouted, before lowering his voice, "It was the only thing I could do."

 

"It was the only thing anyone could do. You put your crew first without thought. Your first instinct is to protect your crew. Tell me how that makes you a bad Captain."

 

"I should have thought of something better."

 

"Why? Consider the consequences of your actions; you saved your ship and your crew, and yourself survived." Khan read Jim's expression, seeing that his words were reassuring Jim. "Did you listen to the Bridge log while Spock was acting Captain?"

 

"Of course." Jim frowned, unsure where this was heading.

 

"What did Spock do as acting Captain?"

 

"He ordered the ship to be evacuated."

 

Khan nodded, encouraged by this. "A Vulcan's first logical thought when put in the position you were in was to evacuate the ship. A Vulcan gave up on the ship. James, you didn't. You thought ahead, as saving your ship meant saving your crew. You made a better decision than a Vulcan."

 

"I took a risk that paid off."

 

"Yet you say your luck has ran out." Khan reminded Jim of his earlier worlds. "Your crew trust you. Do you really think your crew are stupid enough to put their faith in a bad Captain?"

 

Jim replied after a moment, softly shaking his head, "No." He looked up at Khan, then groaned and rubbed his eyes. He leant forward into the crook of Khan's neck and felt Khan's arms go around him, holding him.

 

"Okay," he whispered into Khan's neck, "what about the video?"

 

Khan tensed at the mention, but, to Jim's great surprise, that was it.

 

"I was trying to apologise earlier...' Khan paused to let Jim feel guilty for his earlier behaviour, "I am sorry. To me, making me look weak is the worst thing you could possibly do to me. After I thought everything through, I realised it was the best thing you could do."

 

Jim turned to place a kiss on his neck. "I'm sorry."

 

Khan sat up straighter, absorbing all the emotions in Jim's voice; he really was sorry. "As am I. You did what you had to do. I have to admit, if I were in your position, that would have been an option for me." Khan paused before admitting "I let my emotions get the better of me."

 

Jim lifted his head to look at him. "I thought you didn't let your emotions get the better of you?"

 

Khan frowned in thought. "Normally, I control them. However, when it comes to you, they control my reactions instead of me." He tilted his head slightly, looking at Jim with a bemused expression.

 

"I'll take a beating any day if it means I get your actual reaction to things, instead of options you've cautiously weighed up to figure out what's best." Jim pulled a face. "I want your natural reactions."

 

"You want me to come undone around you." Khan said slowly. "I think you're expecting too much of me."

 

"Looks like you're doing it just fine so far." Jim grinned.

 

Khan smiled in return, before lifting a finger to trace around Jim's lips. Jim closed his eyes, relishing in the small contact, before looking at Khan through his eyelashes.

 

"How can you..." Khan brought up his other hand to cup Jim's face, "look at me like that, after you've seen what Marcus did to me?"

 

Jim leant back from Khan, causing Khan's hand to fall between them, then swung his legs out of the cover and placed one either side of Khan. He leant back in, further than before, to whisper "How can you ask me that?"

 

Khan stared at him, his eyes flickering over his face. "Easily. How are you not repulsed by how pathetic I acted?"

 

Jim's eyes widened. "Khan, I've seen all the videos."

 

Khan shuddered. "That's even worse. What are you still doing here then? Am I just another broken one to add to your collection?" He snarled.

 

"What?! Khan, no." Jim placed one of his hands on Khan's shoulder, the other on his neck. "I saw how, at first, you fought back. Every doctor who tried to come near you, you killed instantly. For god's sake, even when they gassed the room and tried to come near you, you held out as long as you could. How could I even consider you as being pathetic?"

 

Khan watched Jim, waiting to catch the lie, but he didn't. "That was before he threatened me with my family."

 

Jim shook his head while pressing his lips together. "Khan, he blackmailed you with your own family. He's pathetic, he's disgusting, and he's a bastard. To use someone's family as blackmail so he poke needles in your arms and test your emotions and hurt you the way he did, that's bullshit."

 

"You make it sound much more humane that it was." Khan said.

 

"Well I don't mean to. They definitely weren't humane. There are two that stick in my mind the most, that make me feel sick. It's a good thing Marcus is already dead, after I saw them..." Jim pushed out a breath, "I'm not surprised you did what you did to him."

 

"I crushed his skull, call it what it is." Khan said lightly. "Which tests are you talking about?"

 

"One of them was when they injected you with the illnesses." Jim's voice was laced with disgust. "Like flies around cow pat, as soon as you couldn't fight back they all gathered in the room to watch how your body would react. They didn't even know if you'd fight it off."

 

There was silence for a moment before Khan asked "And the other?"

 

Jim ran his hand through his hair, biting his lip as he looked around the room.

 

"James, look at me." Khan asked, his voice doing the pleading he refused to say.

 

"Marcus... He came..." Jim stopped talking, incapable of looking at Khan while voicing what he'd seen. "I had to turn it off."

 

Khan nodded slowly. "He came in the middle of the night. I was not sure if that test had been recorded but I was told I passed that one with flying colours."

 

"I want to kill him." Jim said through gritted teeth, and Khan didn't doubt him. Khan pulled Jim's hand down from his neck and held it in his own, letting Jim clench his fist around his hand.

 

"Which test did you release to the public?" Khan asked.

 

They both tensed, unsure if he really needed to know. Jim sighed and looked down, "All of them."

 

Khan's mouth fell open slightly, his surprise taking over his anger. "You released all my tests to the public?"

 

Jim glanced at him warily. "I had to release them all. If it was one that just happened to be the worst one, they wouldn't have believed it." Khan didn't say anything in reply, so Jim continued talking. "It didn't take long for them to create a video that showed a little bit of all the tests. They showed how you fought at first, and how you changed once he threatened you with your family. It was a good video, edited I mean." Jim paused to gauge Khan's facial expression.

 

Khan clenched his free hand into a fist. "I assumed that it was one of the bad tests." He closed his eyes, swallowing his anger. He'd hurt James enough today, and James had done the right thing. Where he was now proved that. Also, if all the tests were shown that meant Khan didn't look weak, or powerless, as they showed him as he fought back. However, the video would also show that his weakness was his family.

 

Jim squirmed in Khan's arms until he was closer to him. "Better or worse than you thought?"

 

"Both. Worse because it showed how my family can be used against me. Better because it showed how powerful I am."

 

Jim rubbed his nose against Khan's neck. "Nobody thinks you're weak, Khan. Trust me."

 

Khan rubbed his hand up and down Jim's back, as well as catching Jim's chin in his hand to lift his head up. He stared into his endless blue eyes for a moment, whispering "Thank you." He leant forward to kiss Jim, but faltered at the last minute.

 

"What?" Jim asked, searching Khan's face for answers.

 

"Do you still want this? To be near me after seeing that?"

 

"I thought I had no option?" Jim asked with his cheeky grin. When Khan didn't move, Jim asked "Would you still want me if it was the other way around?"

 

Khan snarled at the thought, again wrapping his arms around Jim and holding him as close to his body as possible. "Nothing would make me not want you."

 

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, his lips brushing against Khan's as he spoke.

 

Once again, Jim's insecurities surprised Khan. "How could I ever want to leave you?"

 

"Most people do."

 

"I'm not going anywhere." Khan laid Jim back onto the bed, kissing a trail down Jim's neck until he reached his vest. He took a mouthful of the material in his mouth and pulled it sideways, gesturing for Jim to take it off. Jim complied in one movement.

 

Khan ran his hands over Jim's chest, adding all the bruises to his inventory. Jim noticed Khan's mood change, and leant up to catch Khan's bottom lip in between his teeth, pulling on it for a moment before letting it go to say "Ignore them, I've had worse."

 

Khan glared at him in reply before he leant back down to kiss his chest. Jim was silent, until Khan suddenly took his nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, then he gasped.

 

"James you are mine, and I plan to take," Khan bit down on Jim's nipple, "what is mine."

 

"Please." Jim gasped as he ran his fingers through Khan's hair, eliciting what Jim swore was a purr.

 

Khan moved over to suckle Jim's other nipple, and Jim wrapped his legs around Khan's lower back, bucking into him slightly.

 

"Easy, James." Khan muttered as he placed his hands over Jim's hips to keep him in place. With Jim pinned down, Khan was rougher with his body, biting and pulling and sucking on his nipples relentlessly.

 

It wasn't until Khan moved his hand into Jim's ribs that Jim gasped in pain. Without saying anything, Khan brought his hand to his mouth, bit into it deep enough to draw blood, and placed it over Jim's mouth. Jim eyed it warily, before licking a drop of blood that fell onto his lips. After one taste, Jim latched his mouth around the cut and sucked, causing Khan to moan from the feeling.

 

A few minutes later, Khan pulled his arm away, making Jim's bottom lip gutter out. Khan chuckled at him as he replaced his hand on Jim's ribs and received no sound of pain.

 

"You should bottle that and sell it, I feel amazing." Jim said before pushing himself forward and knocking Khan onto his back. He straddled Khan, rubbing their crotches together as he roughly kissed him. It was a battle of lips, teeth and tongues, both men putting up a fight to be the dominant one. In the end, Khan won, his tongue exploring Jim's mouth while Jim moaned into him.

 

Khan rolled them over again until he was on top and sat up to pull Jim's pyjama bottoms off.

 

"Hey, no fair!" Jim gasped as he sat up. He grabbed Khan's shirt in both hands. "At least keep it even." He muttered before pulling the shirt over Khan's head.

 

Khan lifted his arms up to help with the shirt, then set his eyes on Jim's face, watching his reaction to his body.

 

Jim looked all over Khan's chest with a hunger growing in his eyes. He brought his hand up, hovering just above Khan's torso, lightly touching his body every so often.

 

"Look at your muscles." Jim marvelled as he gripped Khan's upper arm in his hand, making Khan chuckle. "You're so sexy, Khan."

 

Khan kissed him in response before going to pull off Jim's trousers again. Jim moved back and pushed himself up with his arms so Khan could take them off in one pull.

 

Khan took his time to look at Jim's naked body, taking in everything until he met Jim's eyes.

 

Jim was clearly comfortable with it, asking "Do you like the view?"

 

"I love it." Khan growled as his crawled up Jim's body, laying atop of him.

 

"Wait!" Jim muttered as he looked down at the space between their bodies, tapping Khan's stomach. Khan put his arms either side of Jim's head and lifted himself up, creating more room for Jim to tug on his trousers.

 

Jim smiled mischievously and had a look in his eye that Khan didn't miss. "Two minutes." He said before wiggling underneath Khan until he was in front of his trousers.

 

"James, what are you doing?" Khan asked, looking down at him with a bemused expression.

 

"Saying hello." Jim replied with a grin as he undid Khan's trousers and pushed them down over his erection. "Jesus Khan, I thought I was big."

 

"Get back up here." Khan ordered, his cock twitching at the compliment.

 

"Yes boss." Jim lifted his head closer to Khan's penis and licked the precum gathered at the top.

 

Khan moaned and closed his eyes; when he opened them Jim was laid underneath him with a cheeky grin on his face. He wrapped his legs around Khan's waist, lowering Khan's body until they met. Khan grinded into Jim and Jim couldn't help but buck into Khan, throwing his head back and groaning at the feeling. Khan lowered his head, sucking and biting at Jim's neck.

 

"Khan, this feels amazing." Jim groaned. "If you carry on, I won't take much longer."

 

Khan lifted his head slightly, looking at Jim through his eyelashes. "What do you want to do?"

 

Jim looked down at Khan and groaned. "Anything you want baby. I think if you keep looking at me like that and talking with that voice of yours, I'll be done soon."

 

"That sounds like a challenge for another night." Khan winked at him before sitting up. "Do you have anything?"

 

"Top draw." Jim waved his hand to the right of the bed.

 

Khan leant over and opened the draw, raising his eyebrow at the several bottles of lube Jim had.

 

"I like sex." Jim shrugged with a smile.

 

Khan grabbed the top bottle, then picked up a condom as an after-thought. "Do we need this?"

 

"I'm clean, and for some reason I doubt you're disease-ridden." Jim smirked as he wrapped his hand around Khan's neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

 

Khan threw the condom back in the draw then unscrewed the bottle. He covered his finger in lube and looked at Jim. "Are you ready?"

 

Jim wiggled in front of Khan, positioning himself better. "Okay, do it."

 

Khan entered one finger, circling it around Jim's hole to slowly make it bigger. "How does that feel?"

 

"That actually feels okay." Jim replied, looking surprised.

 

Khan continued a little longer before he took his finger out. He re-covered that and the next finger, and pushed them in.

 

Jim tensed around him. "Sorry, just... Give me a minute to get used to it."

 

"Have you done this before?"

 

"I've never had someone do it to me before. I've always been on top, so I know which bits are painful just from their reaction."

 

"If you are expecting it to be painful, it will be."

 

"I know." Jim replied quickly.

 

Khan could feel him relax around his digits, so he pushed them in and out, watching Jim's reaction. When Jim looked comfortable again, he began to make scissoring actions with his fingers. "How's that?"

 

"Hurts, but, good, at the same time." Jim said with a frown. After a moment he told Khan "It doesn't hurt now."

 

Khan nodded, "Another one?"

 

"Do it." Jim grinned at him.

 

Khan prepared the next finger and slid it in, pushing further in, trying to find Jim's sensitive spot. He pushed against Jim's prostate without realising, Jim's quick moan of pleasure letting him know he'd found it. He stretched Jim wider, occasionally stroking his prostrate to make it easier on Jim.

 

Khan stroked his prostate slowly, making him shudder. "Khan, come on, hurry up."

 

Khan froze, his fingers pressed against Jim's prostate but not moving. "Say please."

 

"Please, Khan, please just come on already." Jim pleaded as he lifted his hips, trying to cause friction.

 

"Be patient." Khan growled as he removed his fingers, lining up in front of Jim.

 

"Shit, wait." Jim cursed as he reached for the lube bottle. He squirted some into his palm and wrapped his hand around Khan's penis, rubbing up and down slowly.

 

Khan moaned, whimpering when Jim began stroking him faster "Are you trying to kill me?"

 

"I don't think I could kill you if I tried." Jim muttered before he leant back down, spreading his legs and looking at Khan. "Come and get me."

 

Khan pushed forward so the head of his penis was just in Jim's hole. "James?"

 

"Khan, do it before I toss myself off. And don't you dare go slow, hammer it into me baby."

 

Khan repressed a moan as he pushed into Jim slowly, wanting him to get used to his size before he went faster.

 

"You are so tight, James."

 

Jim took a deep breath in as Khan pushed in and out, releasing his breath slowly. "Okay."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Khan." Jim warned.

 

"Okay." Khan repeated as he leant forward, placing an open-mouthed kiss on Jim's chest.

 

Khan pulled out of Jim slowly, then slammed back into him. Jim groaned loudly, his voice echoing around the room.

 

"Come on Khan, give me it good, fuck me senseless, take me, make me yours." Jim rambled through gasps as Khan thrusted into him over and over again.

 

Khan slammed into Jim powerfully, going in further every time until he hit Jim's prostate.

 

"Fucking hell Khan, there, right there, again, oh please fuck me already."

 

Khan took the words as encouragement, pushing in and out of Jim with all his strength, each thrust unravelling Jim more and more.

 

Khan wrapped his hand around Jim's penis, stroking it a few times to push Jim over the edge.

 

"There, just, Khan, Khan, fuck, Khan..." Jim's speech trailed off as Khan hit his prostate again, his orgasm coursing through his body.

 

Jim dimly remembered to tense up, causing Khan to feel the tightness around his cock become even more so; he crashed into Jim, his orgasm taking over his mind.

 

They laid there, the sound of their heavy breathing filling the room.

 

Khan recovered first, pulling out and rolling off of Jim to lie on his side and look at him. "Was that okay?"

 

"Was that-Khan, fuck, okay? Best sex I've had in a long time. Maybe even ever."

 

Khan smiled at him. "I bet I can do better next time."

 

"I won't be able to walk if I keep having sex with you." Jim half-groaned, half-yawned.

 

Khan ran his hand through Jim's hair, "Tired?"

 

Jim closed his eyes at the feeling. "A little. I wasn't exactly sleeping peacefully before."

 

Khan frowned at him. "No, you weren't." He agreed. He pushed Jim onto his side, moved in behind him and wrapped his arm around Jim's waist, spooning his lover.

 

'Possessive..." Jim muttered as he turned his head as far as he could to kiss Khan. Khan's arm tightened around his waist as he kissed Jim; it wasn't a passionate, quick, dominant kiss, it was a slow kiss, tender and sweet.

 

Khan pulled back slightly. "Sleep, my love."

 

Jim 'mmm'ed in reply, turning back. He wiggled to get comfortable, pushing slightly back until he was completely against Khan's body.

 

"Don't leave me." Jim muttered, half asleep, lacing his fingers in between Khan's and lifting Khan's hand up to kiss it.

 

"James, I will always be here."

 

"Always." Jim repeated drowsily with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update a few hours earlier than this, but we lost track of time at the evening entertainment ~ Gives you French wine as my apology<3
> 
> When I was writing this my phone autocorrected 'Khan's penis' to 'Khan's Kenya' and I was laughing for ages. No iPhone, it's not quite the size of a country.
> 
> Khan presses his finger behind Jim's jaw an increases the pressure to wake him up ~ I read it, in one of my favourite books, as a wake-up technique that the author learnt in the army and I thought it would be something Khan would know.
> 
> (If there are mistakes, I apologise sincerely, it's late and I haven't slept properly in too many days remember, I just wanted to get this posted as I can't post for another week now. I'm very sorry - I hope you enjoyed it though ;))
> 
> My lovely readers, what do we think of this chapter? Let me know...


	12. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are a tease in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a filler chapter, nothing important - unless you count a bit of morning smut important then yeah this a key chapter ;D

Khan woke up first; Jim had wrapped an arm around him in his sleep, making Khan stiffen and awake instantly. Khan laid there for a moment, pushing back every urge to attack, telling his instinct that it’s James, it’s okay, he’s safe.

Once his body had stopped fighting with his mind, Khan turned his head to look at Jim.

In the night they had rolled over, Khan was now the ‘little spoon’ and Jim was wrapped around him like a second skin. Their legs were intertwined, backs pressed together and Jim’s face was pressed into the back of Khan’s neck. Khan could feel every breath Jim took, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Khan moved, shifting away from Jim and laying down on his back quickly, settling down before Jim moaned in his sleep and half-laid on top of Khan. He lifted Jim’s head up slightly while slipping his arm underneath it, so Jim’s head was resting on Khan’s upper arm. He trailed his fingers up and down Jim’s spine softly and gently placed a kiss on his forehead, watching his face twitch in his sleep.

A few seconds of movement, and everything was as still as it had been before.

Khan watched Jim for an hour, reflecting on the night before as Jim slowly came to be awake. He thought over everything Jim had said, appreciating how Jim had opened up to him while knowing there was going to be a lot more midnight-talks before Khan could fully understand Jim.

Jim was so broken and insecure, yet he hid it with his belief in no-win scenarios and bravado. Khan wondered what Jim would be like if you took away the bravado… But maybe that was who Jim used to be, and Jim is so disgusted with that person he’ll put on anything to not be him again. Maybe that’s what Jim’s running from, and is afraid of. Maybe Jim’s scared of being alone because when he’s alone he doesn’t have to put on the bravado, and there’s more of a chance of who he once was coming back. Maybe Jim would do anything for anyone if it meant he would get praise, praise means love and Jim craves love. But then Jim disobeys rules, so maybe he craves attention to the point where any attention is good attention, because someone’s looking at him and talking to him.

He pursed his lips, pulling Jim a little closer to him. Jim rubbed his cheek against Khan’s shoulder, bringing his arm up to wrap around Khan’s torso.

“Good morning, gorgeous.” Jim murmured, pressing a kiss against Khan’s shoulder. Khan looked down at him, seeing his eyes were still closed, and chucked.

“Do we not like mornings?”

“We do, very much. Let me wake up slowly, just gimme a minute.” Jim said with a smile.

Khan chuckled at him again, trailing his finger up and down Jim’s spine and Jim fidgeted more and more as he woke up. A certain part of Jim was very awake, brushing against Khan’s leg as it grew.

“Morning glory’s a bitch.” Jim said as he rolled to lay completely on top of Khan. His hand moved from Khan’s shoulder to cup his neck, while his other trailed up and down Khan’s side. He placed open-mouthed kisses on Khan’s neck, making a trail that finished on his mouth. They kissed slowly, eyes half-closed, lazily.

“Are we awake now?” Khan said, smiling slightly.

“Mmm, we are.” Jim replied as he rolled off of Khan to stretch, his body on full display.

Khan stared at him hungrily, before he pounced, practically jumping on Jim. His arms were braced either side of Jim’s body, their legs jumbling together.

“You are a tease in the morning.”

“Just in the morning?” Jim partnered his smile with a raised eyebrow.

“Always.” Khan growled before kissing Jim.

"I like that word a lot right now." Jim admitted before returning Khan's kiss. The time for slow, lazy kisses was gone; now they kissed passionately, too quickly to deepen the kiss.

Jim rolled them over so he was on top, and lifted himself enough for his cock to rub against Khan’s. Khan let out a quick gasp before he pressed his lips together, looking at Jim in a way that made his stomach flip.

They grinded against each other, trying to cause as much friction as possible as quickly as possible. Before long, Khan bucked into Jim once last time, groaning Jim’s name in a voice sexy and deep and gravely enough to get Jim off. They came, groaning and panting, both their seed’s landing on Khan’s stomach.

Jim lowered himself until he was above Khan’s stomach, then catching Khan’s eyes, slowly licked the liquid. Khan’s eyes widened in surprise. Jim smacked his lips together, moaning at the taste, before licking it all up. Then he stretched up, and kissed Khan. Khan could taste both him and Jim in Jim’s mouth, and that got him excited all over again.

“Oh no, big boy. Save it for later.”

Khan growled in response, biting on Jim’s bottom lip.

“Khan, Harry wants to talk to us.” Jim tried to say, the words sounding strange with his bottom lip otherwise occupied.

Khan lifted his head slightly to stare at Jim. “How do you know that?”

“My communicator.” Jim nodded over to where his communicator sat on the bedside table. “It buzzed while we were-“ He grinned whilst taking one of Khan’s hands in his house and intertwining their fingers, “busy.”

“It could be a member of your crew.” Khan suggested as he stroked his fingers across Jim’s neck slowly, noticing the goosebumps and rising pulse.

“This early? Nope. It’s Harry.” He raised his head to kiss Khan, their kisses becoming slow and lazy again. “Come on, let’s go.”

He sprang out of bed, reaching for his trousers that had been thrown on the floor the night before.

“James, why are you so eager?” Khan asked suspiciously.

Jim shrugged, grinning again. “I have a good feeling about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what the next step is, and I know how I'm going to write it, I just didn't know how to move from the last chapter to the next step, and this chapter would not work, no matter how many times I tried it *grr*
> 
> If you feel it's rushed, I'm sorry, I admit I did rush it. I haven't updated in long enough for the guilt to creep in, and this chapter wasn't working for me if I stopped and thought about it, so hey ho, I just wrote and wrote and wrote and this is what came out of it...
> 
> Thank you all for holiday wishes, you're too kind, and of course thank you thank you thank you for the comments. I love you all<3


	13. Scotty To The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Khan nodded, the logic sounding right, but still not trusting Star Fleet. He trusted Jim, and Harry, purely because Jim did. Jim’s crew were warily trusted, and every other member of Star Fleet was guilty until proven innocent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all for the comments, for continuing to read this, for keeping me going. I wouldn't have had the confidence with it to keep it up for this long if it hadn't of been for you all, so thank you<3
> 
> *Throws around flowers and chocolates*
> 
> I think this might be my new favourite chapter...
> 
> ~ Enjoy~

Khan scrutinised Jim.

Khan watched Jim hastily put his clothes on. Khan watched Jim quickly eat his breakfast. Khan watched Jim half-run to Star Fleet HQ.

Khan listened to Jim spluttering out words, and stories, and anecdotes. Khan listened to Jim speaking faster than his mind could think. Khan thought maybe that was the point.

Khan felt Jim’s pulse when Jim grabbed his hand. Khan felt Jim being impatient, or nervous, or excited, for something.

Khan knew there was something wrong with Jim, but he didn’t know what.

***

“I hope you realise how much trouble you cause me. One day I will stop talking to you, either that or keel over from all the stress.” Harry grumbled as he opened up the door to his office, waiting until Jim and Khan were in, before half-slamming it shut.

Jim stopped next to Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Harry, you know I’ll never be able to repay you for all you’ve done. Could you stop laying on the guilt and making me feel worse?” Jim said with his cheeky grin appearing for a second. Then it was gone, and Jim’s expression became one of impatience.

“Ungrateful little shit.” Harry threw at Jim as he walked behind his desk to pick up his PADD. “Alright, I have multiple places offered for Khan Noonien Singh to work at.”

“Multiple? What spell did you cast to make this happen?”

“One that took all bloody night to perfect.”

“Harry Potter, move over.” Jim whistled.

Harry rolled his eyes before turning to Khan. “It wasn’t easy. I want to tell you this now. It wasn’t easy to convince them to let you work here, and I don’t think it’s going to get any easier. Everyday you’ll be faced with people you’ve hurt, families you’ve destroyed, and I don’t think a funny look is the worse you’ll get.”

Khan nodded. “That is a given. I wouldn’t expect any less.”

Harry sighed before continuing. “As long as you’re prepared for it, fine. Star Fleet are willing to let you work for them. Like I’ve said, there’s multiple places that have come up that are ready for you to start as soon as you ca-”

“Now.” Khan said before Harry had finished his sentence.

“Today. Good.” Harry ran a hand through his already messy hair. “That won’t give them any time to change their minds.”

Jim leant forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on his knees and his head on his joined hands. “What jobs have come up?”

“There are jobs everywhere that he can do. They’ve kept his records, the John Harrison ones,” Harry ignored the growl that emitted from Khan, “and one look at them will show how useful it will be having Khan work for any department." He smiled tiredly at Khan. "Really, it’s up to you where you go.”

“I decide?” Khan asked, his voice trying to sound non-fussed but failing to hide a hint of surprise.

Harry nodded, smiling slightly. “You’ve actually been requested for engineering. I was in the lift with the chief of engineering last night, he ‘took a peek’ at my PADD and saw what I was doing. He couldn’t have asked for you quicker.”

“Good old Scotty.” Jim smiled, nudging Khan.

“Is that it? I’m to work for Star Fleet now, no questions asked?” Khan asked, not trusting the simplicity of it all.

“It wasn’t simple, Khan. I spent all night arguing with that arse, sorry, director, about it. He’s not happy, but he knows that having brains like yours working with us instead of against us is a smart move.”

Khan nodded, the logic sounding right, but still not trusting Star Fleet. He trusted Jim, and Harry, purely because Jim did. Jim’s crew were warily trusted, and every other member of Star Fleet was guilty until proven innocent.

“If you’re ready to go now, I’m sure they won’t turn you down.”

“Right now?” Jim asked, his voice loud and his eyes wide in surprise.

“Right now.” Harry nodded, standing to go. He threw a look at Jim. “Wait here, I’ve got something I need to discuss with you when I get back.”

Jim swallowed, his leg beginning to bounce up and down as his frown grew deeper.

“Is it-“

“Yes.”

He sighed. “Okay.”

Khan looked at him inquisitively, to which Jim shook his head. “Paper work.”

Khan was too busy being hustled out of the room by Harry to notice the lie.

***

Jim walked straight into Bones’ office, not bothering to knock, and jumped into one of the spare chairs. Bones was sat on the other side of the table, pointedly ignoring Jim until he’d finished writing whatever Doctor business he had today.

“Good afternoon Jim, come straight in why don’t you?” Bones grumbled as he gave Jim a dirty look. He glanced over Jim, picking up on his best friend’s mood instantly. “What is it?”

Jim blew out a breath. “Where would you like me to start?”

Bones stood up, moving to the door to lock it. He narrowed his eyes as he walked over to Jim. “Did you…?”

“What?”

Bones scanned over Jim, making Jim squirm. “Two nights. Two bloody nights. Seriously Jim?”

Jim grinned at him. “I couldn’t help it Bones, he’s a walking sex god.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever you say kid. You’ve had some weird partners in the past, but Khan tops that list. I’m surprised you made it past the first night if I’m honest, you’re such a slut.”

Jim kept up his grin a little longer, then it slipped. Bones sighed, grabbing Jim by the shoulders. “Tell me what happened.”

Jim looked up at him, his eyes clear and shining with his vulnerability. “The nightmares. They’re getting bad again.” He paused long enough for Bones to think he’d finished.

Bones nodded, his mind already putting two and two together. “Khan woke you up.”

Jim shrugged at him as he said “Now I don’t know what to do around him. Every time I look at him I see the way he looked at me last night. I feel pathetic.”

Bones frowned at him. “Jim, you’re a Captain. Khan’s a Captain too. He’ll understand the price you pay for who you are.”

Jim shook his head. “Last night wasn’t one of those nightmares.”

Bones groaned in sympathy. “Oh, Jim.” Bones knew exactly what Jim was talking about, because Bones knew everything there was to know about Jim, including his messed up parts. “What does he know?”

“Nothing. Not yet.”

“I’m sure he guessed some of it with his intellect.” Bones muttered as he scratched his eyebrow. “Are you going to tell him?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You should do. He’s living with you, if you don’t talk to him about it, he’ll get it all from whatever you end up saying through the night.”

“I might be okay. He stayed with me after, and it didn’t carry on from where it had left off.”

Bones looked down, going over his medical training _again_ to see if there was anything they hadn’t tried.

“Hey, Bones.” Jim said, waving a hand in front of Bones. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“I don’t savour your every word kid. Say it again.”

“I said, they got bad again because I was nervous for the trial. Maybe now the trial’s over, they’ll be okay again.”

“They’ll still be there Jim.” Bones said softly.

“Not if Khan sleeps with me every night.”

“You’re going to use him to keep your nightmares away?”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” Jim frowned. “Even if Khan’s not with me, they won’t be as bad now.”

“I don’t know, Jim.”

“There’s still a lot of work to do with Khan before I’ll be done.” Jim admitted. “There are a lot of hurdles to jump over.”

“Life is a hurdles’ race, kid. And you did bring this on yourself.”

“I know, I know.” Jim agreed as he scratched his eyebrow.

“Speaking of hurdles, how’s the next one looking?”

Jim groaned. “I was speaking to Harry about it this morning. It’s going to be hard, but I think we might pull it off.”

“It’s going to be hard? Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I’ve never doubted myself as much as I have with this. This isn’t me Bones, I feel different.”

“Love makes people do strange things.” Bones said, his voice dropping with sarcastic-seriousness.

“Shut up.” Jim snorted, hitting Bones on his arm.

“Hey, don’t hit me just because you don’t understand your feelings. I can kill you and get away with it.”

“You love me too much to kill me.”

“Like I said kid, love makes people do strange things.”

***

“So, how did it go?” Jim asked as soon as Khan walked through the door. He walked over to Khan with a big grin on his face, running his hands down Khan’s new uniform before interlocking them at the bottom of Khan’s back, trapping him in his arms. He kissed Khan before whispering “I’m loving your uniform.”

“Thank you. I impressed. Obviously.” Khan said, trailing his finger along Jim’s jaw.

“Which department did you choose?” Jim asked, nudging Khan’s nose with his own.

Khan kissed him lightly, hooking his arms under Jim’s and resting his hands on Jim’s back, pulling him closer until they were flush against each other. “Engineering.” He said, earning a grin from Jim. “Mr Scott spent the morning questioning me, and the afternoon arguing with me about a theory I have.”

“Who won?” Jim asked unable to keep the grin off of his face.

“We’re going to test it out tomorrow. If I am right, which I am, we’ll be able to increase the Enterprise’s power by 20%.”

“How?!” Jim asked, taken aback by such a big number.

“By decreasing the amount of power used in certain extents, we can increase the amount available in the zones that prioritise.”

Jim nodded encouragingly. “Sounds good! We’re not going to have a power cut mid-warp because you and Scotty decided something doesn’t need power, are we?”

Khan frowned at him. “I’m not an idiot, James.”

“No, but you don’t understand humour.” Jim replied with a wink. “Come on, food. Are you hungry?” Jim said while walking backwards, pulling Khan along with him as he still had him in his arms.

“I’m very hungry.” Khan replied before he pushed Jim against the wall. “For you.” He added before crashing his lips against Jim’s, sucking and biting until Jim opened his mouth to let Khan in.

They stayed there for a few minutes, making out like teenagers, their hands running over each other like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

They broke apart, their foreheads touching and noses nudging together with every breath they took.

“Where were we?” Khan muttered, placing a kiss on Jim’s lip between every word.

“Fuck that.” Jim panted before tugging at Khan’s shirt. Khan helped him take it off before working on Jim’s shirt, throwing both of their shirts in different directions.

Jim ran his fingers over Khan’s torso. He suddenly looked up at Khan, “You are beautiful.”

“What was that you said yesterday about getting off on just my voice and the way I look at you?” Khan said as he buried himself into Jim’s neck, biting and sucking every inch of skin he could reach.

“I don’t have the patience for that today.” Jim growled, pushing Khan away from him so he could take his trousers off. He threw them, not caring where they landed, and dropped to his knees.

Khan looked down at Jim, a shiver running through his body. He watched Jim undo his belt and push his trousers and pants down, stepping out of them quickly to return back to Jim.

“Has anyone ever sucked you off before?” Jim asked, his voice light and casual yet dripping with _sex_ at the same time. He looked up and down Khan’s cock slowly, then buried his face into where Khan’s thigh met his groin.

“Not in the last three hundred years.” Khan replied as he ran his fingers through Jim’s hair.

“Better reset the counter.” Jim’s voice sounded muffled, before he lent back to look at Khan. He smiled, looking at him through his eyelashes.

“James Kirk…” Khan shook his head with a smile, before Jim suddenly took him whole into his mouth. Khan’s hands fisted in Jim’s hair, repressing a moan that threatened to come out. Jim bopped up and down a few times slowly, getting used to Khan’s size. When he began to go faster, Khan let go of his hair and braced his hands against the wall in front.

“Khan?”

“Mmm?”

“Fuck me.”

“What?” Khan looked down at him.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Put your hands back in my hair, or wherever you like, and fuck my mouth.”

“I’d rather fuck you properly.” Khan said, his voice low and deep, making excitement roll through Jim’s body.

“All in good time.” Jim grinned before taking Khan in his mouth again. He swirled his tongue around Khan’s head, licking up the precum, but refused to go any further until Khan was touching him again.

As soon as Khan’s hands were gripping his hair, he pushed down, licking as much of Khan’s cock as he could.

Jim swallowed Khan faster and faster, driving Khan to the edge, until he suddenly stopped, focusing on the head. When Khan had calmed down, he did it again.

“Stop doing that!” Khan growled when Jim stopped a third time.

“I want to know how many times I can make you nearly come, before you explode.”

“You want to torture me.” Khan grumbled as Jim began moving again.

Khan was driven to the brink several times, nearly losing his mind to how amazing Jim felt sucking his cock. He never looked away from Jim, the power he felt towering over his love adding to the coils of tension in his stomach.

When Jim snuck his hand around Khan to play with his hole, that was when Khan lost it. He gripped Jim’s head tighter, bucking his hips into Jim’s mouth over and over and over and over until…. Bliss. Khan curled his toes as he came in Jim’s mouth, still bucking into him shamelessly until he had finished.

Jim ran his tongue over Khan’s cock, while Khan threw his head back and groaned, catching every bit of Khan’s semen that he could.

“How’s your hunger now?” Jim asked as he stood up, his dazzling smile taking over his face.

Khan looked at him in disbelief for a moment at the man that was James Kirk. Then he got out of his head. “Curbed. For now.”

“The food will have gone cold now.” Jim wrapped his arms around Khan, pulling him closer to kiss him, to run his tongue over his lips, to nibble on his mouth. Khan returned in kind, playing with Jim and, of course, always dominating him and beating him at his own game.

“I wouldn’t have guessed you would be like this. I thought you’d be boring and missionary.”

“I was, but I’m a fast learner.” Khan whispered before pressing into Jim, stopping him from talking any more.

Eventually, Jim pushed Khan away slightly. “I feel like a horny teenager around you. All I want to do is explore you and fuck you in as many ways as possible.” He whispered into Khan’s ear as he ran his finger slowly up and down Khan’s side.

Khan turned his head, biting at Jim’s jaw until he reached his ear. “Why don’t you do it then?”

Jim looked at him as if he’d just given him the best challenge ever, and from the look in his eye, Khan knew Jim had accepted.

“Bedroom. Now.”

“No, I vote here.” Khan said before lifting Jim up. Jim wrapped his legs around Khan’s waist and rested his elbows on Khan’s shoulders so he could run his hands through Khan’s hair. Khan held Jim up by his fine ass, a cheek in each hand.

“Okay, this is totally hot.” Jim breathed out, a smile growing on his face with every word.

“I thought you’d like it.” Khan replied, kissing Jim’s neck. Jim leant his head back against the wall, giving Khan more skin to kiss. Khan trailed kisses all over until he kissed where he could feel Jim’s pulse, then bit down. Jim groaned, the feeling going straight to his cock.

Jim leant his head forward until it was practically on Khan’s shoulder, turning so he could bite Khan in return. He bit down hard, then leant away so watch the mark disappear.

“Would any mark last on your skin?”

“Some would. It depends how they were inflicted, and where.”

Jim grunted in response, trying again to mark Khan’s neck for longer. Every time he failed, he huffed, earning a chuckle from Khan. He bit down until he tasted blood, then leant away to look at his work proudly. When the mark lasted longer than any of the others, he returned his attention to Khan’s mouth.

They broke apart long enough for Jim to say “Lube, bedroom”, causing Khan to walk into the bedroom. Jim looked at him, taken aback by how effortlessly Khan made it look.

“You amaze me.” Jim spoke against Khan’s neck, not looking him in the eye as he told Khan how he felt.

Khan stopped walking, nudging Jim’s head with his own until Jim looked at him. He scrutinized Jim’s face, Jim staring into the eyes while he did so, until he looked down.

“What were you looking for?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did you find?”

“Honesty.” Khan kissed Jim deeply, hastily, before he continued walking. When they reached Jim’s bedroom, Jim removed his hand from Khan’s hair to open the door, half-turning as he looked for where they had placed the bottle last night.

“There.” Jim pointed, guiding Khan. When they stood above it, Jim leant sideways, stretching for the bottle.

“You are awkward.” Khan grunted as he lowered them slightly so Jim could reach it. “Now where would you like to go, my prince?” Khan asked sarcastically.

“In you.” Jim said with a grin.

“Nice try.” Khan replied as walked over to the wall. Jim leant against it, placing the bottle in his mouth, leaving his hands free to run over Khan’s arms.

“So strong…” He muttered before he clasped Khan’s face in between his hands. He leant forward to kiss Khan, then remembered he had something in his mouth.

Khan chuckled at him, leaning closer to nip at Jim’s jaw. “Will you do me the honour?”

“My pleasure.” Jim mumbled, letting go of Khan’s arms to grab the bottle and free his mouth. He instantly turned his head, catching a kiss as he undid the bottle and spread his fingers in the liquid, then grasped Khan’s cock. Khan resisted the urge to buck into Jim’s touch; it was hard. Jim knew what he was doing and how to make Khan feel good. When he was completely covered, Khan let go of Jim’s mouth, moaning “That’s enough.”

Jim dropped the bottle instantly, gripping Khan’s shoulders instead. Khan lifted him up, then brought him back down slowly; this time with his penis inside him. Jim moaned, sitting up straighter against the wall at the feeling of Khan inside him.

Their kisses matched their pace; slow at first, then becoming quicker.

“Move to the bed.” Jim grunted out.

“Why?”

“Easier. I’ll ride you.”

Khan’s eyes widened with excitement at the idea, walking backwards until his legs hit the bed. He let them fall, his arms wrapping around Jim to hold him close.

Jim’s grip on Khan’s shoulders became tighter as he began to bounce up and down. Khan’s grip went to Jim’s hips, helping him by pushing him.

Jim continued until Khan groaned his name, then he wrapped his hand around his cock, tossing himself a few times before he came, closely followed by Khan. They arched into one another as their moans filled the room, before Khan laid back. Jim rolled off of Khan, laying next to him.

They laid on Jim’s bed, breathing heavily, both lost in their own thoughts.

Once he’d calmed down, Khan rolled over onto his side, bending one arm to use as a pillow, watching Jim. He looked over Jim until he reached Jim’s face, noticing the tension-filled expression.

“James? What’s wrong?”

“What?” Jim shook his head as he was brought back to the present. “Nothing.”

“James, don’t lie to me.”

Jim rolled onto his side to mirror Khan’s position. He lifted his hand to cup Khan’s neck, his fingers playing with Khan’s. “It really is nothing, just work stuff.”

“How was work?” Khan asked, kicking himself for not asking earlier. Jim was obviously worried about something, why hadn’t he picked up on it before?

“Boring. While I was on the Enterprise I neglected all my paperwork. Why sign for stuff when I could look at the stars?” Jim’s voice became full of wonder just at the mention. Khan smiled at the transformation on Jim’s face; Jim belonged amongst the stars.

“Is that all you did today, catch up on all the work you’ve let build up?” Khan asked, trailing his free hand down Jim’s torso until it settled on his hip, his thumb tracing patterns on his hip bone.

“Yep. Like I said, boring.” Jim replied, looking away from Khan as he lied.

“Would you like some help? I could copy your signature and sign the work with you.”

“No.” Jim said quickly. He smiled before continuing, “You’ve got your own work to focus on now, no point pliling on mine as well.”

“I’m sure I could keep up.”

“Probably.” Jim admitted as he sighed. “No, thank you for the offer though.” He leant forward to kiss Khan, catching Khan’s bottom lip in between his teeth. He chewed on it, before letting it go. Then he squirmed closer to Khan, until there was little space between them.

“I want you to stay.” Jim whispered, his eyes bright as he looked over Khan’s face, reading his reaction.

“I am not going anywhere. I told you this last night.”

“I mean I want you to stay, for good.”

Khan faltered at that. Staying here, forever, didn’t fit in with his plan. Staying with James, forever, he’d already worked into his plan. “I’m not going to leave you.”

“Good.” Jim whispered as his eyes closed.

“James, why are you so afraid of me leaving?” Khan asked.

Jim thought about how to reply for so long, Khan thought he’d fallen asleep. Sighing, Khan lifted his hand off of Jim’s hip to work it around Jim’s back and tuck slightly underneath him, trapping Jim in his arm.

“Everybody leaves me. They either get sick of me, or bored, or tired. Nobody stays.” Jim confessed, his eyes still closed. He found it easier to open up to Khan if he didn’t have to see the pity written all over his face.

“What about your friends?” Khan asked.

“They’re not my friends, they’re more than that. They’re my crew, the closest thing to family I have. Bones is my best friend, and he gets sick of me.”

“Bones loves you.”

“I know.” Jim said quickly. “That doesn’t stop me doing his head in. He puts up with my shit because he loves me, just like I put up with his shit.”

Khan didn’t saying anything, seeing that Jim believed this too much for any of his words to help. Only Bones would help Jim’s beliefs about Bones.

“That’s why I like Bones.” Jim said suddenly. “He’s honest with me, tells me when I’m doing something wrong, or when I’m annoying him.”

“Have you and him ever been together?” Khan asked, surprised by the amount of jealousy he felt at the idea.

“No.” Jim’s face screwed up slightly at the thought. “We nearly did, back in the younger days,” A ghost of a smile appeared of Jim’s face, “but we’re too much like brothers now. He’s the best brother I’ve got.”

“You have brothers?” Khan asked, surprised by this. The way Jim acted didn’t support the notion of him having siblings.

“One. He’s a waste of space.”

Comfortable silence overcame them again. Jim wiggled even closer to Khan, moving his hand from Khan’s neck to wrap around his back. He placed his head in the crook of Khan’s neck, taking a deep breath in as he settled down, sleep taking over his body.

“I love you.” Khan whispered in Jim’s ear as he tightened his arm around Jim.

“That’s weird.” Jim replied, before he succumbed to the world of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I'm making Jim too insecure-filled. Idk. I like it, and I don't think enough people pick up on his insecurities from the films. He hides them in plain sight, so maybe when the right person comes along to notice it, he opens up... *Waves hand as foreshadows future chapters*


	14. The Beginning Of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Khan didn't expect a response and he didn't get one, but he did feel another smile against his neck, and he was more than happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay my lovely people, first thing's first, I must apologise for the ridiculously long gap between updates. Life got a big crazy for a while; it was my Nannie's anniversary of her passing away and we went to Ireland, then I had college the day after I came back, and college is basically DOMINATING my life right now - I'd hate it if I wasn't loving it so much. I'm getting into the routine now, which means *jazz hands* I can get back into my writing! I have a long journey to get to/from college (that's what you get for picking a college that's nowhere near you, A* to me) so I'm going to start using this time to write :D
> 
> I also want to thank everybody who's still reading this, you, you just, I can't express my love for you. Thank you so much :')

This time, Jim woke up first.

He was laid atop of Khan, his head resting on Khan's shoulder with Khan's arms wrapped loosely around his waist keeping him there. He woke up, slowly opening his eyes until they were half-lidded and focused on Khan, savouring the morning peace and his empty thoughts. He lifted his hand and let it fall so it rested on Khan's shoulder, nudging his head further into Khan's neck.

Khan tensed at the contact before he woke up, freezing while he regained control over his urges.

"You really shouldn't do that." Khan said softly, yet sternly.

"Do what?" Jim asked innocently.

"Touch me when I'm asleep. I'm programmed to attack when touched, but when I'm awake I can control it. It's a lot harder to do so when I'm asleep." Khan replied as he trailed his finger along Jim's spine.

"You wouldn't hurt me." Jim whispered confidently against Khan's neck before kissing it.

Khan said nothing in reply, his hand stilling from stroking Jim's back as he recalled his actions from the other night, and how Jim had looked afterwards.

"Stop it." Jim whispered lightly.

"What?"

"I can practically hear the guilt crushing you. Stop. It."

Khan debated arguing with him about it, but he wasn't in the mood. They were too peaceful. "Yes boss." He could feel the smile on Jim's face against his neck, and smiled at the feeling. Jim smiling against his neck was becoming his favourite feeling.

"James?" Khan stage-whispered.

"Mmm?" Jim hummed, tilting his head further up against Khan's neck.

"I love you." He said softly as he resumed stroking Jim's back.

Khan didn't expect a response and he didn't get one, but he did feel another smile against his neck, and he was more than happy with that.

They laid in silence, both content with the feeling of just being with one another.

"Yesterday should have been like this." Jim murmured suddenly, to which Khan nodded in agreement.

Jim rose slightly as he yawned, lifting his head so his hand could cover his mouth before be laid his head back down, now upon Khan's heart.

A little later, Jim sighed, sitting up so he could look at the clock on the bedside table. "What time are you at work?"

"Nine." Khan replied without thinking.

Jim groaned as he laid back down, this time next to Khan so they were facing one another. "We need to get up."

"You don't want to." Khan stated as he cupped Jim's neck to bring them closer.

"More paperwork to sign. Excuse me if I'm not excited." Jim moaned before kissing Khan lightly.

"Come on, Captain. You don't want to be late." Khan said before getting up, leaving Jim pouting behind him.

"Meanie." Jim threw at Khan before he stuck his tongue out.

Khan frowned at him as he threw on his clothes.

"You know, I don't know why I gave you pyjamas. You don't wear them." Jim thought out loud as he watched Khan get dressed. "You have a beautiful body."

"I don't need to wear pyjamas, I have you to wear instead." Khan replied with a grin before he disappeared from the room.

Jim called after him, "Rude!" as he rolled out of bed.

* * *

Half an hour later, they walked into Star Fleet HQ.

"I told you we'd get here on time." Jim grinned cheekily at Khan.

"I don't think two minutes past nine qualifies as on time, James."

Jim rolled his eyes at him. "You really need to lighten up." He looked around to make sure they were alone, then kissed Khan quickly. "See you later."

"See you later, Captain."

"Captain Kirk!" An admiral Khan didn't know came around a corner and immediately walked towards Jim. "I didn't know you had to be in today."

Jim glanced at Khan before answering. "Admiral Thomas, erm, I have paperwork to do. A few pieces seem to be missing, just filling in the blanks."

"I've already looked over your work, I didn't notice anything missing." He enquired as he narrowed his eyes.

Jim glanced at Khan again, wishing he'd go to work. "It's extra sheets, sir, just making sure I cover everything as best as I can do." He lied smoothly.

"And here I was thinking you left the extra work to your First Officer." Thomas said seriously.

Jim grinned in reply. "Of course not, sir."

"And what are you doing here?" Admiral Thomas turned to Khan, his voice becoming noticeably harder and stricter.

"I am here to work in Engineering."

"Why?"

Khan cocked his head at the question. "I have a job working alongside Chief Engineer, Mr Scott."

"Supposed to be in at nine?" Admiral Thomas asked as he looked at his watch.

"Yes."

"Yes, sir." Admiral Thomas corrected. "You best get going then. If you're this late every day, I'll personally see to it that you're fired."

"Yes,  _sir_." Khan replied, emphasising the 'sir' the same way he emphasised Jim's 'Captain'.

Admiral Thomas clenched his teeth together as he watched Khan walk away. "He better watch that attitude. I'm not the only one who's disgusted by the fact he's working for the people he bombed not long ago."

"Admiral, he had reason." Jim justified.

"Would you be saying that if he'd ruined your family? I don't think so." The Admiral replied with a disgusted face at Jim, before storming off.

Jim ran his hand over his face, squeezed his eyes shut and wished he was laid back in bed, where the problems of today seemed so far away. He sighed, then walked up to Harry's office.

Eleven and a half hours later and Jim was stressed, tired and annoyed. Nothing was working out in his favour. Him and Harry were locking horns with every idea suggested as they brought up arguments against their plans.

"Jim, look," Harry began as he itched his eyebrow, "maybe we should just accept that this is never going to happen."

"No!" Jim shouted, surprising himself with his loud voice. He lowered his voice for to say "I refuse to accept that. We'll figure this out. Just, let's, just leave it for today."

Harry looked at Jim, unsure if he should admire or pity his unwillingness to give up. "Okay. Same time tomorrow?"

"Of course."

Harry sighed, walking around his desk to sit on his chair. "Look Jim, I'm not saying we should give up, but I need you to start considering the idea that this won't happen. I can't promise-"

Jim interrupted. "Harry, we'll pull this off."

"Jim listen to me-"

"No, Harry you listen to me. You told me that we wouldn't have pulled off getting Khan out of prison, and look what happened. We did that,  _you did that_. I know we can do this, I just know it."

Harry stared at him for a moment, at loss for words. "You know son, we should bottle your hope and sell it."

Jim tiredly smiled at him. "When we pull this off, you can have it. That's the deal."

"Okay son." Harry's yawn stretched his words.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks Harry."

Jim left Harry's office and headed down to Engineering, trying to think of something happier to focus his mind on and lift his spirits so Khan wouldn't notice anything. Instead, all he could think of was telling Khan about his childhood. He couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to tell Khan about him. He wanted to explain to Khan why he's so messed up, before they get too... Involved.

Well, considering Khan's repetitive confession of his feelings, that might be too late.

Jim's thoughts were crowding his mind so much that he didn't even notice walking into Engineering, and was brought out of his head when he heard shouting.

Jim immediately began running towards the source, and started laughing when he saw Scotty and Khan stood close together, angrily shouting at one another with muck and dust all over their uniforms and faces. Khan's hair was stuck up as if he'd been electrocuted.

"YOU CRAZY BASTARD, I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK!" Scotty shouted as his hands jumped about with every word.

"I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT IT WOULDN'T WORK IF YOU'D HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THE BACK-UP GENERATOR!" Khan shouted in reply, seeming angry and calm at the same time.

"WHAT BACK-UP GENERATOR? THERE'S NO BACK-UP GENERATOR LEFT THANKS TO YOU!" Scotty poked Khan's chest. 'A very dangerous move,' thought Jim.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN YOU DON'T TELL ME? I CAN'T CALCULATE FOR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW ABOUT."

"IF WE'D HAVE BEEN ON THE ENTERPRISE, WE'D BE FLOATING AMONGST THE STARS NOW, DO YOU WANT TO KILL US ALL?"

"Woah, woah, guys calm down." Jim started once he'd overcome his laughter. They ignored him, continuing to shout abuse at one another.

Captain mode was activated.

"Mr Scott, calm down and stop shouting. Khan, just take a deep breath and go... Go sort your hair out."

Khan turned to Jim, the anger dominating his eyes.

"Okay Khan it was a joke, just calm it down. Scotty, Khan, what's going on?"

They started shouting over each other, so Jim closed his eyes and sighed.

"Stop!" He looked at them both in turn. "You're behaving like children. Scotty, explain what's going on."

"This crazy bastard said that we could reuse the wasted heat energy from the engines to warm up the Enterprise instead of using the temperature control."

"Okay, so?" Jim asked, frowning as he failed to see why this was a problem.

Scotty sighed before continuing. "You can't just do something like that easily, it's a long process that might work if you do it correctly, which he isn't doing!"

Khan growled in reply. "It would have worked if you had explained the full electric system to me, instead of missing a key factor out!"

"Missing… Missing a key factor out?! Are you joking? I told you everything you needed to know to do the stupid test you had planned. The back-up generator had nothing to do with it, this failed because you did the calculation wrong!"

"I did my calculation right!"

"Then how come we got different answers?"

Khan's face became neutral as he replied "I can't answer that without insulting your intelligence."

Scotty's mouth flew open. "Are you joking? I checked my answers, you did not."

"That's because I don't need to."

"Gentlemen, stop!" Jim cut in as Scotty's face flushed red. "How about you redo the test tomorrow? Khan can recalculate his theory, taking into account the back-up generator, and you can see what happens then."

"Well that would be all fine and dandy, apart from the fact that we have no back-up generator left!" Scotty shouted at Jim, leaning forwards.

"And who's fault is that?" Khan retaliated.

"Oh, shut up." Scotty glared at Khan.

"Can we get spare back-up generators?" Jim asked.

"Well, yeah, but that's not the point-"

"What is the point?"

Scotty flustered for a second over his words before shouting "HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME!" while pointing at Khan. Khan glared at Scotty's finger as if he was thinking of which way he could break it the most painfully.

"Okay..." Jim started at he lowered Scotty's finger. "Scotty, order another generator. Khan, recalculate your figures and do the test as soon as the generator comes in. Does that solve the problem?"

They both begrudgingly agreed, and Jim nodded at them. "Thank you!" He rolled his eyes at them. "Can Khan come home now?"

"I thought it wasn't home?" Khan asked before Scotty could reply.

Jim faltered, making himself look at Khan as he replied. "Slip of the tongue."

Khan watched Jim while Scotty said "We just have some other figures to go over for tomorrow, won't be long."

"Okay." Jim blew out a breath. "I'll just sit here and sign some more stuff." He pointed over to a chair, but Scotty had already redirected his and Khan's attention to another experiment.

Jim sighed off some paperwork on his PADD, occasionally looking up when he felt Khan's gaze on him.

"What?" He asked when he had caught Khan staring at him for the fourth time.

"You're intriguing to watch when working. I might just have to come and watch you working someday this week."

"No!" Both Scotty and Jim said at the same time.

Jim looked down as Scotty scolded Khan for even suggesting neglecting his work when they were on the verge of a breakthrough, to which Jim started saying " _You got told off, you got told off_." under his breath, at a level only Khan would hear.

Khan glared at him when Scotty wasn't looking, but Jim could see the smile threatening to come through.

Several arguments that Jim had to calm down later, and they were done for the day.

"Ready?" Khan asked as he stood before Jim, watching the way Jim's teeth bit his lip when he was lost in thought. "Jim?"

Jim looked up suddenly, leaning back as Khan's closeness shocked him. "Yeah?"

"We can go now." Khan said as Scotty could be heard grumbling in the back of the room, occasionally banging metal.

Jim stared at Scotty, a smile on his face. "What did you do now?"

"Didn't you hear us?" Khan asked, slightly concerned by Jim's lack of concentration.

"Not that one." Jim pointed down at his PADD. "Work."

Khan tilted his head. "James, I've been watching you for the past hour. You have barely touched your work."

Jim squirmed under Khan's gaze, standing up and fiddling with his PADD to avoid looking at him. "Just got a lot on my mind."

They began walking out, and after shouting their goodbye's to Scotty, Khan asked "Is there something wrong?"

Jim frowned at Khan. "No, why would you think that?"

"The way you're acting. You are lying to me, and Admiral Thomas believes there is no reason for you to be doing the work you claim to be spending time on. What's going on, James?" Khan stopped walking in the middle of the Star Fleet entrance and faced Jim.

Jim faltered, missing a step and swinging around on his planted foot. He looked at Khan, searching his face for inspiration of his next lie. Jim knew he couldn't lie, at least not fully.

"It's just this new project I'm working on. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be and my partner isn't exactly optimistic." Jim replied honestly, then turned and began walking again.

Khan followed his lead, to which Jim took as confirmation to Khan believing him. "What is it?"

"It's... Complicated." Jim replied. He saw Khan was about to speak and quickly added "Please leave it. I have to think about it enough when I'm here, now we've left, I want the thoughts about it to be left too."

Khan watched him for a moment before replying "Of course, Jim."

They walked in silence, before Jim suddenly took an extra step and stood in front of Khan. He wrapped his arms around Khan's shoulders, pulling Khan closer to him so he could kiss him. "I've been thinking of you all day." He muttered before dominating Khan's mouth, putting every feeling he had felt throughout the day into the kiss.

Khan returned the kiss just as enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and pulling their crotches together. They broke apart only when some kids shouted at them "Get a room!"

"Come on." Jim moved away from Khan but kept hold of his hand, pulling him along faster.

"Jim, are you okay?" Khan asked, the concern clear in his voice.

"Yeah," Jim replied before suddenly turning around so quickly Khan nearly crashed into him. "I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" Khan asked quietly, the seriousness in Jim's voice surprising him.

Jim paused before saying "My history."

Khan was annoyed by the vague information. "Are we talking dating history...?"

"Not exactly." Jim squirmed. "I want to tell you about my childhood."


	15. Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was just trying to get stronger, I just didn't want to be weak anymore.
> 
> "I feel weak now. I feel pathetic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should have been posted before now, but life keeps getting in the way!
> 
> I went to finish this chapter on the train, and then older people kept sitting next to me and they kept glancing at my phone, so I thought it wise to put away the fanfiction...
> 
> I have edited and tweaked this to death, I hope you all like it, and I hope you think it works!
> 
> Argh nervous :3

"Okay. Erm... Where do you want to start?" Jim asked, staring at Khan for help.

 

They were sat on Jim's bed, Jim with his legs crossed and Khan with his legs laid out in front of him. They were facing one another, with space between them, yet close enough to touch with any slight movement. They'd eaten, showered and were now wearing pyjamas.

 

Khan leant forwards, watching Jim's expression closely. "What's made you do this?" He asked, frowning slightly. 

 

Jim blew a breath before saying "I want you to know. You keep saying you love me and it... It freaks me out. No one loves me. No one ever loves me. Ah," Jim paused, scratching his eyebrow, "they think they do, but they just love the idea of being in love with James T. Kirk. Shit." Jim muttered the last word, grinning slightly. "Another ego-boosting sentence. Don't tell Bones."

 

"James, you do realise that I have a large enough IQ to comprehend what my feelings are." Khan raised an eyebrow at him, receiving the impression that Bones was half a father figure, half a best friend. Going off of that, both Bones and Spock were half and half. Jim needed two considering his constant childlike tendencies.

 

"I know, I know." Jim dismissed with a hand wave, "But, you don't know me. Or what you're getting yourself into. Not really. And you should know." Jim suddenly grabbed Khan's hand, lacing it in his own.

 

"Why now?" Khan asked, placing his other hand on top of Jim's knee.

 

"Before we fa... Go any further." Jim replied, toying with Khan's index finger.

 

They lapsed into silence as Jim tried to figure out where to start. Suddenly, he leant into Khan and buried his face in his shoulder. Khan placed his other hand on Jim's back, running his hand up and down it.

 

"Okay," Jim leant back slightly so he could look at Khan if he wished, but was looking down. "I use sex so I don't feel alone." He stated, looked at Khan, then began to draw patterns on Khan's knee.

 

Khan continued stroking his back, assuming that the only reason Jim was comfortable telling him this right now was because he couldn't see him and his reactions, therefore it was more of a self-confession than a conversation.

 

"I don't like being alone because it reminds me of the fact that people eventually leave. I crave attention, I crave love, to the point where I'm disgusted with myself. I used to be good, be the best I can be, to get praise, because I thought that if I was good then they wouldn't leave. But people still found a reason to leave.

 

"I hate being alone because it reminds me too much of the past. Being surrounded by people I love, and who love me, is the best feeling in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love time alone to reflect on things and think, but I can't stand it after so long. I can't stand the silence.

 

"That's why I go out looking for people to spend the night with me. It's not all about the sex, not really, it's about after. When I can lay with them in my bed, and I know they'll stay at least for the night, at least until I go to sleep.

 

"Women like me because of my name and I like women because they're something to keep away the nightmares." Jim's eyes flittered to Khan's face, looking for a sign to stop, that what he'd said was too much, but he didn't find one.

 

"What happened to make you like this?" Khan asked carefully, toying with Jim's hand in his own.

 

"I was born." Jim laughed, but his laugh was hollow. "I was born on the same day my father died, seconds before my mom heard him die. Imagine what that would do to you. You give birth and your husband dies. Kind of like he died so I could live.

 

"She would of rather had him."

 

Khan was shocked by Jim's words, and his expression showed that until he changed it, feigning nonchalance. He understood family better than anyone else, and the devotion you show to those you love. He knew that families had favourites, all families do, but to actually prefer one to have died than another is awful. To make the one who lived know it is... Unbelievable. "Don't-"

 

"Don't what? Don't say it? I know it's true. I saw it as I grew up, I saw what I did to my mom. Every time she looked at me, she saw him. I look too much like for him for her to not. I saw it in her face..." Jim waved a hand as he plucked up the courage to say "She was disgusted by me." Khan frowned at his words. "Every time she looked at me she saw him, saw what their life could have been. Eventually I began to hate myself, I hated being alive purely because he wasn't. He died and I lived, and she didn't want me. So I can't blame her for doing what she did."

 

"You blame yourself." Khan stated, his confusion filtering through into his voice.

 

"I know, I know," Jim replied simply. "I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I know what happened that day, it's not like he would have survived either way, but... I just do."

 

"Surviver's guilt. From a man you didn't even know." Khan's voice was half-confused, half-surprised. Confused and both surprised that Jim was feeling this over a man he'd never met.

 

Jim rubbed his eyes, before continuing "Sorry, I should have done this in order."

 

"It's okay." Khan replied softly, the frown still on his face as he tried to fit all of this to the James he knew.

 

"Okay, so, when I was younger, my mum wasn't there. Emotionally, physically, financially, anything," Jim shrugged, "she just wasn't there. Me and Sammy would come home from school, and she'd go out. She was always out, always with her boyfriend at the time, always putting him first as she looked for something she'd never find.

 

"I figured it out, years later." Jim took Khan's hand that was on his knee in his, and held both of Khan's hands as if they were the only thing keeping him there, the only thing stopping him from getting pulled into the past. "She was trying to find my dad, but she wasn't going to. She was trying to recreate her life amongst the stars, but she'd turned her back on them. She said she couldn't be there without him.

 

"She came back down to Earth and spent every waking moment travelling it. But never with us. She'd go away through the night, trusting me to be safe with Sammy. She didn't know that he used to go out and leave me at home, coming back in with just enough time to get ready for school. I think I hated that part the most, the nights. I spent so many nights staring at the front door, waiting for either of them to walk through it, dreading anybody else coming in. I had permanent bags under my eyes because I didn't sleep during the night, and I always fell asleep at school.

 

"When I got older, it got better because Sammy started taking me out with him. Who do you think I learned to be such a smartarse, rule-breaking, cocky, little shit from? All my bad points, I got from him.

 

"Well, him and my step-dad. See, there was this one guy who my mum stayed with for a while. Frank. He was an absolute bastard. We all hated him.

 

"She was dating him, then suddenly we moved in with him. I accepted it, because she was happy, it was the first time she'd been happy that I remember, and she started staying at home with us. That was the most time I'd ever spent with her, and it wasn't even just us. When she was around Frank, she wanted all of his attention. She'd talk over us to talk to him, she'd make us leave them alone, and she hated him giving us any attention because it was attention that wasn't on her. But, that didn't last long."

 

Jim closed his eyes momentarily before continuing. "He beat her up every night. He was smart, he never did it too far, always to the point where he could do it again the next night.

 

"I still have nightmares about it today. Always the same nightmare." Jim's voice sounded tortured, "I dream that I'm locked in my room again, and I can hear her screaming. Her screams get louder and louder, more and more... Pain-filled, until he kills her... And I did nothing to stop it. I hate those nightmares." He looked at Khan, unsure whether to go on. Khan nodded at him slightly, so he took a deep breath and continued.

 

"I-I tried to stop it a few times, but he just locked me in my room. I don't know if Sammy ever did it. I tried to talk about it once with him, and he clammed up. That's where I get that problem from. I can't talk about my problems because I've never known how to. You can't learn something you've never known about before." Jim looked at Khan and shook his head. "God I don't know why you put up with this. It's only going to get worse."

 

Khan gently turned their hands over and squeezed Jim's. He could see all of Jim's pain, sadness and self-loathing in his eyes, and all he wanted to do was get rid of it. "I'm not going anywhere."

 

Jim's smile was barely there before it disappeared, replaced by his sad, lost expression. "Then she left us. I think she thought Frank wouldn't hit us, because he hadn't done it before. To be honest, he'd never shown any violence to us before she left.

 

"Anyway, one night she just took off. She went to see Sammy, talked to him about what was happening, then left.

 

"She never said goodbye to me." Jim looked down, his face ageing as he remembered watching his mom walk away without a backwards glance out of his bedroom window.

 

Khan cupped Jim's cheek, placing a kiss on his lips. "I'll never leave you."

 

Jim nodded slowly. "He, Frank, didn't take long to turn on us. He hit Sammy first. I remember seeing Sammy's bruises, the kids at school asking where he got them from, and he lied and said he'd had a fight with someone twice his age.

 

"Sammy didn't put up with it for long, not like mom. At least he's better than mom in that way. He lasted about two weeks, then he ran off."

 

"What about you?" Khan asked, his voice carrying an undercurrent of thunder.

 

"He left me there. They both left me there." Jim's voice went quiet as he remembered how he'd felt, abandoned by the people who were never supposed to leave you. To him, 'unconditional love' was a joke, because he was the perfect example of how that didn't exist.

 

He coughed before continuing. "I was only eight at the time. They didn't think he'd hit me. Who'd hit an eight year old?"

 

"Tell me he didn't." Khan asked through clenched teeth, imagining an eight year old James hiding under his bed from this **_monster._**  


 

"Frank had no morals against hitting kids." Jim spat out. "I became his punching bag then.

 

"At first, I tried hitting back, but he only hit me harder. I broke all sorts of bones the first few weeks, bones I never knew I had.

 

"Then I had an idea." Jim grinned as he remember how powerful he felt when he first thought of the idea. "I thought I'd get stronger, then hit him back, and show him for good that he shouldn't do it. It sounds like such an obvious, stupid idea, but I was only young and I thought it was great.

 

"I caused fights at school, I started picking on people bigger than me, and I didn't react at home. All the anger from Frank built up for me to take out on the kids I fought with.

 

"I'm not proud of it. Well, I am and I aren't. I picked on people for practically no reason, I caused fights that didn't need to happen, and I hurt them.

 

"But I only picked fights with people who deserved it. I was careful about that at least. I knew who the bullies were, who picked on the kids smaller than them, and I started my fights with them for no reason.

 

"I never won, well, hardly ever," Jim grinned, "they were older than me, but I wasn't trying to win. I was just trying to get stronger, I just didn't want to be weak anymore.

 

"I feel weak now. I feel pathetic."

 

"No James." Khan uttered without thinking.

 

"I do. For having all these issues, for not being able to say how I feel, for you having to put up with this, it's pathetic." Jim bit his lip as the lump in his throat grew.

 

"James we all have issues we're not proud of." Khan stated as he shifted so he could link his hands together behind Jim's back, trapping him in his arms; where he should be. Jim placed his hands in his lap, staring at his hands.

 

He shook his head at Khan. "But I am so fucked up, Khan. All this, how scared I am of being left, how unwilling I am to follow orders, how much I love to fight, this is all fucked up. You said you felt as if you were broken into pieces. That's how I feel." Jim admitted, his expression becoming determined; he needed to tell Khan all of this. "I feel as if I'm all these pieces put together, and every single piece reflects something horrible. I feel as if one thing could break me. I feel delicate." He said, his voice a mixture of disgust and sadness and embarrassment.

 

"You, James Tiberius Kirk, are not delicate." Khan said confidently. "Remember everything you have overcome, Frank, Sammy, your mother, they all hurt you and left you. Yet here you are today, the Captain of the best ship Star Fleet owns, with someone who can do better than you laid in between your legs, completely helpless and..." Khan scrunched up his nose. "Smitten."

 

Jim smirked at him. "Smitten? Really?"

 

Khan leaned forward to kiss him. "Yes, smitten."

 

Jim stretched while yawning, then placed his arms on Khan's shoulders and hooked them together behind his neck.

 

"You couldn't do better than me though." He said with a wink, before turning serious again. "I don't... I can't..." He looked down, clearing his throat and taking a moment to order his thoughts. "I don't do this. I don't do the sharing, the relationship, the love, the _making love_. This isn't me. But I want to do it all, with you, for you."

 

Khan leant forward until their forehead were touching. "I love you."

 

James took a deep breath. "See, I can't say it. Everybody I've loved has left me, because they can't stand me in the end. But, I'm here, and I want to make this work, and that's the best I can give you right now." Jim admitted honestly.

 

Khan smiled at him reassuringly. "I will take that."

 

Jim shook his head disbelievingly. "You're mad to stay."

 

"Yet there's nowhere else I'd want to be." Khan replied as he ran his fingers through Jim's hair, playing with the back of it and pulling Jim closer to him.

 

"What about with your family?" Jim asked quietly.

 

Khan looked at Jim's hair as he stroked it, unsure of how to respond. "Of course I want to be with them."

 

Jim didn't say anything, instead he just sat, watching Khan watch him.

 

"You are a part of my family." Khan whispered after a minute of debating if it was true or not. "Believe me when I say I would not let you go, because now you're a part of me I will never lose."

 

"Not even if I wanted to?" Jim asked, slightly panicked by how controlling Khan is, yet overwhelmed by the love he's never felt before.

 

"Not even if you wanted to." Khan repeated with a growl.

 

Jim nodded in response, smiling slightly as he ran his fingers up Khan's arm until he reached his collarbone and started rubbing it. "I feel owned." He mused, smiling.

 

"I'd like to own you. I'd like to keep you locked up so I know you're away from harm. You get hurt too often for my liking."

 

Jim rolled his eyes. "Borderline too possessive, Khanny baby."

 

"Don't call me that." Khan scolded with a face of disgust.

 

"Khanny baby?" Jim repeated with a huge grin taking over his face.

 

His grin was wiped away when Khan pushed him back onto the bed and pinned him there with his own body.

 

"Something wrong, Khanny baby?"

 

Khan leant down to bit on Jim's lip hard enough to bite blood. "Stop calling me that, James."

 

Jim lifted his hand to his head, saluting sarcastically. "Yes boss."

 

Khan gave him a smile as praise, then lowered his head to kiss Jim's neck. "I am not going to leave you James."

 

Jim minutely paused before saying "You will, one day."

 

"No, I won't." Khan lifted his head to stare at Jim, his determination clear on his face and in his eyes.

 

"We'll see." Jim replied, his voice echoing both his sadness and confidence in his resolution at the same time.

 

"I will prove you wrong."

 

"I'd like you to." Jim said with a smile as he ran his finger along Khan's jaw.

 

"I aim to please." Khan smiled before kissing Jim softly.

 

They kissed lazily, a passing of lips and tongues and feelings and wandering hands.

 

Khan leant back suddenly. "What happened when you retaliated?"

 

Jim smiled at him as his hands continued to roam over Khan's body. "He never hit me again. As soon as I could, I left, went and found somewhere else to stay. I moved from friends houses to little houses, I've lived in all sorts of places. Then I found this, and it's convenient, so I stay here. I guess, I stopped moving around once I was on the Enterprise, because I'd found a home, my home, so I stopped looking for it down here."

 

Khan smiled at him briefly, lost in thought as he trailed his hand down Jim's side. "What about your... Relatives?"

 

Jim looked away minutely before meeting Khan's gaze. "Frank's dead. He died a few years ago from all the alcohol. My mum, I don't know. I don't know where she is, what she's doing, or even if she's still alive. And Sammy..." Jim laughed hollowly. "Sammy rings up every now and again asking for money. He hasn't done well for himself, and thinks because I'm doing so well it's my job to help him."

 

Khan looked at him, analysing his expression and seeing through the anger. "Yet you send him money."

 

Jim sighed. "I do. He's my brother, and I shouldn't ignore him when he needs help."

 

"Even though he ignored you?" Khan asked, his voice careful.

 

"Treat others as you wish to be treated." Jim stated with a small smile.

 

Khan rolled them over so Jim was on top, and held Jim in his arms, not saying anything as he processed what Jim had said to him.

 

Him and Jim were becoming attached. Well, Khan already was to Jim. And it wouldn't take long for Jim to reciprocate Khan's feelings.

 

Right now, Khan wanted to take Jim far away from everything and everyone, and keep him safe. But he couldn't do that just yet; his plan wasn't ready.

 

But he would take Jim with him, whether he wanted to come or not. He'd take Jim away from everybody who's ever hurt him and everybody who ever could hurt him, and fix him and make him happy.

 

Fix him. Khan stalled at that. Jim had said he was going to fix Khan, but it was turning the other way around.

 

And, Khan doubted Jim knew it, but Jim was already fixing him. Giving him somewhere to live, helping him with a job, giving him a purpose in this age, making him feel _wanted_.

 

Jim was already putting Khan back together, and with every piece he put in place, he was adding a piece of his own.

 

Khan was going to take Jim with him. That was definite.

 

What he couldn't decide was whether or not to tell Jim his plan. Jim knew more about Star Fleet than Khan could, knew more about the people that worked there, knew more about how it worked. If Jim helped him, they could work this out a lot quicker.

 

But, Khan didn't think Jim would help him. For one, it would mean Jim leaving behind everyone he considers his family. Khan wouldn't do that, so how could he expect Jim to?

 

He couldn't. So he wouldn't. He'd expect a fight when Jim realised what was going on.

 

And secondly, Khan didn't know if Jim wouldn't tell Star Fleet, and he couldn't risk that. He couldn't risk losing his family, his plans, his Jim.

 

So he'd keep working on his own, and figuring things out bit by bit. It might be slow, but it was guaranteed to work.

 

Khan will get what he wants.

 

At the same time that Khan was thinking over his details, Jim was debating his own plan.

 

Or rather, doubting it.

 

Telling Khan about it, and telling him to behave, would ensure that his plan would work. If Khan did anything wrong over the next few months, everything would be ruined.

 

"How's work?" Jim asked against Khan's neck, bringing a hand up to trace a finger down his neck.

 

"It is good, which I am surprised at." Khan replied, to which Jim was relieved to hear.

 

"Why?" Jim asked.

 

"I didn't expect it to be at the level which it is. It is not hard, but it is..." Khan pursed his lips as he thought, "Almost challenging."

 

"Got into any trouble?" Jim asked, watching Khan's expression for any signs.

 

"No." Khan replied, feeling Jim's gaze on him.

 

They lapsed back into comfortable silence, both planning and thinking and contemplating... Jim was nearly dreaming when Khan's voice woke him.

 

"You said that women keep the nightmares away for you."

 

"Yeah?" Jim asked, his voice sleepy.

 

"What about me?"

 

"What about you?"

 

"Do I keep the nightmares away?"

 

"Tame the ghosts in my head, they run wild and wish me dead..." Jim sing softly. "Khan you don't keep them away, you scare them away."

 

"Good." Khan replied with a smile.

 

They were quiet again, and it wasn't until Jim murmured in his sleep and wiggled further into Khan's neck that Khan realised he'd fallen asleep. 

 

Khan tightened his arms around him, kissed his forehead, and whispered tenderly "Goodnight my love."


	16. Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay. So we have a best friend who is known to hoard everyone's secrets and a Vulcan who cannot lie. If anybody is looking into this, we're screwed, I hope you realise this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally with the next one HOWEVER the ending is being problematic, and after thinking about it, the mood doesn't fit right either, therefore I split it and voila ~

The next day, Khan redid his experiment and proved Scotty wrong, providing a way to power the Enterprise for longer.

 

Once they had showed their work to Star Fleet, they were given extra funding, people and freedom to work on more theories that would help not only the Enterprise, but all the ships in Star Fleet.

 

The extra work meant Khan was rarely at home. He'd go to Star Fleet earlier than Jim and spent his days there, using his lack of need for sleep as an advantage, and instead of going home to sleep with Jim, he worked through the nights. Every few days he'd come home, get into bed and attach himself to a sleeping Jim for a few hours, then get back up and go.

 

Of course, Jim hated it.

 

They hadn't spoke to each other in weeks.

 

***

 

Harry and Jim stopped talking as Jim's communicator bleeped. They looked at it for a moment, too scared to be hopeful that it was the person they needed with the news they wanted.

 

Jim looked at Harry. "That fast? What if it's-"

 

"Answer it." Harry was watching the communicator as if it was about to explode.

 

Jim grabbed it from the table and flipped it open in one fluid movement. "Captain James Kirk."

 

"Jim - Wait, did you seriously just - Oh the fact that your ego knows no bounds constantly surprises me." Bones snapped, his voice filling the room.

 

Harry released the breathe he'd been holding in as Jim rolled his eyes. "What's up, Bones?"

 

"Where are you now? God dammit Jim if you're in one this, I'll kill you during your next medical."

 

Jim smiled faintly as he looked at Harry. "Harry can be a witness at your trial and show how it was premeditated."

 

"Yet I'm sure I'd get away with it, people would be thanking me for killing such an annoying child."

 

Jim was taken aback by Bones' more-than-usual surliness."Wow okay Bones, what's wrong?"

 

"You know what's wrong, god damn it Jim, I bet this is all your idea!" Jim could hear Bones building himself up for a rant, and was surprised when his tone changed. "Wait, did you say you were with Harry?"

 

Jim glanced at Harry, feigning innocence. "Yep."

 

Jim would swear on his beautiful ship that he heard Bones growl then.

 

"Forget it then, carry on with what you're doing, but I want you in my office as soon as possible. Right?"

 

"Yes Bones." Jim sighed at Bones' dominance as he shut his communicator. "I thought it was-"

 

"Bones knows." Harry stated, glaring at Jim.

 

"Yeah." Jim fiddled with his communicator before meeting Harry's gaze. "I told Bones about it when I first thought it, before you told me not to tell anyone."

 

"For god sake Jim!" Harry ran a hand over his face. "I asked you if anybody knew, and you said no!"

 

Jim replied in a voice that sounded like he was stating the obvious.  "I forgot about Bones! He knows so much about me I forget what he does and doesn't know!"

 

"That's not good enough! Jim, this plan - it's not even that, it's a stupid idea - is too delicate on the variables alone. You can't go adding extra risks to it!"

 

"It's Bones! Bones won't tell anyone!" Jim replied and instantly remembered Spock coming to him after Bones told him the outline of the plan.

 

"I don't care if it's with a brick wall, you can't go talking about this! If it gets out before we want it to, it's over." Harry and Jim's eyes were locked on each other, trying to stare the other down.

 

Harry looked away, hitting his table as he shouted "For fuck sake, Jim!"

 

Jim lowered his gaze as he calmed himself down. Silence overcame them for a few minutes as both men furiously thought over their anger. "Okay, I'm sorry, you're right, I should have told you about Bones."

 

"I know I'm right, I don't need you telling me!" Harry snapped at him before sighing. When he spoke next, his voice sounded older than before, ageing with the sigh as if it had taken the life out of him.

 

"Where were you when you told Bones?"

 

Jim thought back over everything. "On the Enterprise."

 

"Where?" Harry asked immediately.

 

Jim replied just as fast. "My room."

 

Harry stared at him before nodding. "Okay. That's okay." He walked around his desk and landed heavily in his chair. "Jim, tell me honestly, does anybody else know?"

 

Jim deliberated for a second. "No."

 

"James." Harry inclined his head forward, his expression serious and angry and tired.

 

"Spock knows... An outline. Not even that. He knows I wanted to help him."

 

"That's it?"

 

"That's it."

 

Harry nodded again, resisting the urge to strangle Jim. "Okay. So we have a best friend who is known to hoard everyone's secrets and a Vulcan who cannot lie. If anybody is looking into this, we're screwed, I hope you realise this."

 

Jim nodded, watching Harry's expression. "This is going to work."

 

"You've been saying that for the past month. I told you in the first few days that this might not work, and now that possibility is bigger than we originally thought."

 

"I am not giving up on this." Jim replied, pushing his optimism.

 

"What about when we go to Admiral Thomas, after we've thought of a plan that will work and is foolproof, and he says no? It's not just about thinking of an idea that he can't find a problem with; he could say no for no reason. Because the sky is blue. Because he didn't finish his breakfast. Because his coffee isn't at the right temperature. He doesn't have to have a reason."

 

Jim thought that through, his eyes whizzing about all over the place. "Then we'll come up with another plan."

 

"Like what? Take everything by force; steal a spaceship, fly to another planet and hide there?"

 

"Why not?" Jim replied, grasping at straws. He'd be lying if he said he'd never thought of that.

 

"Because the entire world would be looking for you, all of Star Fleet would be tracking you down. Then you'd be dragged back here and who knows what could happen to you. You couldn't get away peacefully, you'd be hunted for the rest of your life. Star Fleet have protocols for this type of thing. They are prepared for everything."

 

"We can build a device that hides the ship from everything else. Khan could do it-"

 

"Do you really think Khan will want to do anything for you when he finds out what you've been planning without him?"

 

Jim's face snapped round to stare at him. "What do you mean?"

 

"If you were him and you found out what we've been planning-"

 

A knock on the door interrupted them, and after sharing a glance, Harry went to answer it.

 

"Doctor Kia, please do come in." Harry opened the door wide enough for Doctor Kia could come in.

 

The doctor was small, she must have been barely over five feet, and her laboratory clothes hid her figure, but it was her bright orange hair that made her stand out.

 

Doctor Kia took a step into the room. She nodded at Jim slightly, an expression of disapproval covering her face.

 

"Admiral Senior, if you wish to consult me on the subjects mentioned in your message, I recommend we do so privately."

 

Harry turned to look at Jim, raising a eyebrow and said "Dismissed, Captain Kirk."

 

"Thank you, Admiral." Jim replied nodding at Harry. He paused at the door long enough to smile at Doctor Kia, a smile which was not returned, then left them to it.

 

Jim walked along the corridor, thinking over everything Harry had said and his plan and Khan and Bones - Bones wanted to see him. Jim swivelled around on one foot and headed to Bones' office, preparing himself for whatever Bones had to rant about now.

 

***

 

As Jim walked through medical, he noticed the nurses were giggling between one another, and he swore he could hear Bones' name whispered more than once. He smirked as the possibilities of what Bones could have done now unraveled before him, and he walked a little faster to the place where he would find out.

 

He was about to stroll straight into Bones' office when he thought better of it, and knocked twice. "Bones, can I come in?"

 

"You've learnt to ask permission to enter my office yet you still don't know the boundaries when it comes to my personal life." Bones grumbled, which Jim took as permission to come in.

 

"What's wrong?" Jim asked as he walked in and flopped down in his usual seat.

 

Bones watched him with narrowed eyes. "You know what's wrong."

 

Jim stared at him blankly. "Whatever it is, I had to nothing to do with it."

 

"That's what you said about the last one!" Bones snapped.

 

"The only thing I interfere with is dates and - You have a date?" Jim asked, a smile growing on his face.

 

"Cut it out kid, I know you planned all of this."

 

"Bones, honestly, I had nothing to do with this." Jim paused as he cocked his head to the right. "Who's it with?"

 

Bones glared at him more before replying "Carol."

 

"Marcus?!"

 

"No, the other Carol we were stuck up in space with."

 

"Alright alright, calm down." Jim smirked. "How did this come about?"

 

"She asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink after work, and I said yes. I didn't realise she meant as a date until all the nurses started giggling and whispering about us." Bones ran his hand over his face before he narrowed his eyes at Jim again. "You really had nothing to do with it?"

 

"Swear on my life." Jim replied honestly, but he couldn't keep the grin off of his face. "Are you still going to go?"

 

"I don't know. I don't want to go on a date, it's too much pressure, but I can't cancel on her now. I don't want to hurt her feelings."

 

"Well I could do with a drink, so what if I come with you and sit somewhere else and when you and Carol have finished, you come and have a drink with me?"

 

Bones didn't reply for a minute. "Can't you come with us and say you invited yourself? She'll believe it, that's no more unbelievable than your usually cocky antics."

 

"I thought you didn't want to hurt her feelings?"

 

Bones groaned as he hung his head in his hands. "Can't I just say that I didn't realise it was a date?" His words were muffled against his hands.

 

Jim leaned forward to place a hand on Bones' shoulder. "It's okay Bones, I'll come with you, and if Carol says anything, I'll say I didn't realise it was a date. Problem solved."

 


	17. ...Only Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't hurt our Captain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fun one, and I enjoyed writing it so much! There's quite a few things in here... *Drums fingers together and laughs evilly*
> 
> Final checks lasted longer than intended... Now, my lovelies, I must leave you for the land of sleep.
> 
> Goodnight and enjoy!

Four hours later, and the after-work drink between Bones and Carol had turned from a date to a date with a tag along to a night out for the Enterprise crew. Nobody knew how.

 

The way rumours spread fascinated and amused Jim.

 

He walked into the bar, looking for Carol's blonde head of hair. He spotted her, surprised by her outfit. Her dress did nothing to hide her figure, and it had a neck line that ventured far down enough to attract the attention of everybody who looked in her general direction. She was telling a story to Bones, leaning into him slightly and watching his reaction to what she said.

 

Bones caught Jim's gaze, and leaned back from Carol. "Jim!"

 

"Jim?" Carol asked as she turned around, confused by Bones' distraction. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Bones mentioned you were coming out for a drink and I thought I'd join you. You don't mind, do you?"

 

After a pause that hadn't gone unnoticed, Carol replied as she smiled at Jim, "No, course not."

 

"How have you been?" Jim asked as he sat on the chair at the bar behind Bones, sharing a look with him that told Jim how much it was appreciated that he'd dropped in.

 

Bones got up out of his chair with a "Toilet."

 

"I'm good. I'm now working on developing a new branch of torpedoes. It's very exciting." Carol grinned, and Jim grinned back at her, loving to see his team excited about their work. He always thought that if you loved the work you were doing, it meant you were more dedicated to your work and would therefore produce better results. You should always do what you love. And a good piece of advice he saw from a film, 'If you're good at something, never do it for free.'

 

"I'm glad to hear it."

 

"How are you?" Carol asked Jim. "I heard you've been with Khan?"

 

"Yeah." Jim lifted two of his fingers joined together in a salute to the bar owner, an order for his usual drink.

 

"How is he?" Carol asked keenly.

 

"In what respect?" Jim asked, mentally adding 'in bed' to the end of Carol's question with a smirk.

 

"How is he coping in this world?" Carol tilted her head to the side. "Is he okay?"

 

"Yes, he is. I think he's settled in well, I mean, he's working with Scotty for Star Fleet and they've just made a breakthrough with the energy levels."

 

"So I've heard. They've created quite a storm." Carol smirked. "But I mean, I saw Khan yesterday, he was talking to someone in my department, and he didn't look happy."

 

"There was probably a problem with some parts he's looking for. He talked in his sleep last night, something about not finding what he's looking for."

 

"You've heard him talking in his sleep?" Carol's surprise took over her voice. "Are you sleeping near him?"

 

"Closer than you'd think." Bones replied as he snuck back in between Jim and Carol to get his drink. Jim followed his lead and picked up his own, clinking it against Bones with a "Cheers" and a smile that said more than they could.

 

"What do you mean?" Carol asked, not letting Jim off that easy.

 

"Me and Khan, we're, uh..." Jim thought of how to word this. Over the past few days he'd been thinking of how to answer the inevitable questions, and he still hadn't decided.

 

"They're together." Bones finished, noticing Jim's hesitation. Jim looked at him for a moment, surprised by Bones' helpfulness. He nodded at him, hiding it behind the glass he brought to his lips again.

 

"You're with Khan?!" Carol asked in a shocked whisper.

 

"CAPTAIN!" Jim lowered his glass as he looked over all the heads in the bar, finding Chekov stood in the door of the bar.

 

Jim weaved his way through the crowd. "What's wrong?"

 

The bouncer sighed at Jim. "Should he be in here?"

 

"What do you mean?" Jim asked, confused by the question.

 

"How old is he?"

 

Jim paused. "Do you not know who he is?"

 

"Obviously not." The bouncer grumbled.

 

"Where have you been for the past four years? This guy is legendary for his-"

 

The bouncer sighed over Jim's words. "Look, is he old enough to be in here or not?"

 

Jim shook his head. "I'm still in shock you don't know who he is. Yes, he's old enough to be here. Don't know who he is - Jeez." Jim continued muttering as he turned away and headed back to Bones. When he was out of earshot of the bouncer, he said to Chekov "No problem, I told you it'd work."

 

"Yes, Captain." Chekov bounced with a small smile. "Why were you surprised he hasn't heard of me?"

 

Jim shrugged "I assumed everyone had heard of our crew. Perhaps it's just me being cocky again."

 

"Hey Chekov. Aren't you always being cocky?" Bones asked Jim, overhearing the last part of his sentence.

 

"That's me." Jim replied with his signature smile.

 

"Evening Chekov." Carol smiled at him, obviously happy to see him but not quite hiding the disappointment at yet another person ruining her date. She shook her head slightly and turned back to Jim. "Now Jim, don't dodge my question."

 

"What are we talking about?" Chekov asked.

 

"Khan." Jim muttered. "Hey bartender, can I have a - What does everyone want?"

 

"Same as before. I'll go find a table for us to sit at." Carol said as she jumped off of the chair, and walked off, closely followed by Bones, who said "My normal" to Jim as he went past.

 

Jim and Chekov stood at the bar, waiting for the drinks and making small talk.

 

"I saw Khan the other day." Chekov said suddenly as he picked up two of the drinks. "He looked very happy. Is that because of you, Captain?"

 

They headed in the direction they saw Carol and Bones go in, and Jim smiled at Chekov with a sideways glance. "I don't know what you mean."

 

"I am happy for you." Chekov said, watching where he walked, scared of spilling Bones' drink; Bones would murder him. "You deserve happiness, Captain."

 

They found Carol and Bones sat at a four seater table, and placed all the drinks on it. Jim placed his hand on Chekov's back, "Thank you, Chekov."

 

"For what, Captain?"

 

"Being open minded." Jim said with a smile as he raised his drink, then downed it.

 

Carol began to talk to Chekov about something that, going by their body language, clearly did not involve Bones and Jim. Jim sat next to Bones and lowered his voice to ask "What's going on, Bones?"

 

"What do you mean?" Bones asked, matching Jim's low tone.

 

"I thought you liked Carol."

 

"I do, but I am also older and poorer." Bones grumbled as he sipped his drink. "We can't all be as cocky as you are about your positives."

 

"Bones, do you need me to tell you what a great catch you are?"

 

"I'd rather you didn't, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Save your compliments for Khan."

 

"Ha ha ha." Jim replied sarcastically. He said nothing for a moment before saying "I haven't talked to him in weeks. He comes in every few nights to sleep, and I wake up and catch a few of his sleepy words before I fall back asleep."

 

Bones looked at him and Jim knew he was being analysed. "Normally you'd be over the moon about this. This is serious, isn't it?"

 

Jim didn't say anything, just cleared his throat.

 

"Dear god man, I didn't realise..." Bones' gaze drifted away from Jim as he tried to remember a time when Jim was even remotely serious about someone before. "James Tiberius Kirk, in a serious relationship." He smirked.

 

"Shut up." Jim elbowed him.

 

"I saw him last week, I don't know what he was searching for, but he was looking around medical." Bones commented absentmindedly. "Want another drink?"

 

"I want another ten." Jim muttered as he stood up, and him and Bones headed over to the bar. "Bones, you do know that you are a great man, and she'd be lucky to have you."

 

"Don't." Bones warned him.

 

Jim continued, "You're a good looking man, have a great personality, and when you're not being moody, you're quite fun to be around. I imagine you're good in bed too." Jim smirked.

 

"Shut up. Now." Bones groaned.

 

"I'm just saying." Jim replied.

 

"Yeah, well don't." Bones glared at him.

 

"Bones, will you calm down about this? Just go with it, see what happens."

 

"I'm nervous." Bones said quietly, as if he was ashamed to admit it.

 

"You can't tell." Jim muttered. "Look Bones, take my advice, and just go with the flow. You are a good man, and you get on really well. That's always a good start."

 

Bones looked at him. "Thanks Jim."

 

"No problem." And with that, that conversation was done.

 

When they got back to the table, Sulu and Uhura had joined them and needed, along with everybody else, a drink, so Jim and Bones headed back to the bar again with a sigh.

 

The bar was getting busy now, and it took ten minutes for them to get served, and another ten for them to carefully make their way back.

 

When they had finally sat down, everybody else was enthusiastically debating something.

 

"What have I missed?" Jim asked, smiling as the feeling of being surrounded by his crew filled him with joy.

 

"Chekov's love life." Sulu replied with a grin, that everybody joined in with apart from Chekov, who turned bright red.

 

"Nobody was supposed to know." He muttered as he lowered his head into his hands, causing everybody to laugh.

 

"Chekov, I told you, he likes you too." Uhura cooed as she patted Chekov's shoulder sympathetically.

 

"I don't believe that. Why would he be interested in me?"

 

The entire table erupted at that, even Bones and Jim, who had no idea who 'he' was, shouting compliments at Chekov.

 

"But what about the age difference?"

 

Jim spoke up about that, expecting to have to fight over the others to be heard, but as soon as he spoke the others quieted down.

 

"Age doesn't matter Chekov, if you get on, that's all that counts. If the chemistry's there, go for it. It really is as simple as that."

 

"You have to tell yourself that with your current beau." Carol said, causing everyone in the know to laugh. "What is the age difference there?"

 

"Couple thousand years, isn't it?" Bones joined in, ribbing into Jim.

 

"What's that even _like_?" Uhura asked, winking at Jim.

 

"Amazing. Absolutely fantastic." Jim replied with his smile.

 

"Who are we talking about?" Sulu asked, his face covered in confusion.

 

"The super-human-bad-guy-who-fell-in-love-and-turned-good." Someone said, it was unsure who over the several voices saying "Khan."

 

"Really?" Sulu asked, his expression showing just how shocked he was by the thought. "But Pike-"

 

"-Was a mistake. You know what Khan lost." Uhura interrupted, reminding Sulu of the death that fuelled Khan's rage.

 

"They didn't release that part to the news." Chekov said quietly. "They released all the videos, but not how many of his people were killed by Marcus before he agreed to build the torpedoes. I don't understand why."

 

"Because Marcus did so many things that it verged on being unbelievable. If we had released everything he'd done, there would be doubt." Bones replied.

 

"I don't understand how anyone could be with the man who killed your... Pike." Carol began without thinking, only realising what she was saying at the end.

 

"I couldn't do it. I'd end up killing him." Sulu agreed with her.

 

"But look at how much happier the Captain is." Chekov spoke up, looking at Sulu and Carol.

 

"But look at how tired he looks all the time now." Sulu argued.

 

"I don't think the sleepless nights are a negative to Jim." Uhura added with a smile.

 

"But Khan's not been with Jim on a night, he's been at work." Chekov mentioned. "He works through the nights, I talked to him about it the other day."

 

"You've spoken to him?" Sulu asked.

 

"Of course. We were debating with Scotty about improving the efficiency of the warp cores and the shields. Khan had an idea that Scotty thought was crazy, so they consulted me."

 

"Using any excuse to talk to you, and you're doubting him returning your feelings?" Sulu said.

 

As they all returned back to the subject of Chekov's love life, Uhura went to look at Jim, but he was missing from his seat next to Bones. She stood up, looking around the room, and rolled her eyes when she saw him at the bar with an empty glass in front of him.

 

"To what pain are we drinking to hide tonight, Jim?" Uhura asked as she slid into the seat next to Jim.

 

"Nothing, just enjoying the taste." Jim lied, downing his latest glass. "Where's Spock?"

 

"I imagine he'll turn up any time soon." Uhura said coolly.

 

"Are you two fighting?" Jim mockingly asked.

 

"What is that even like?" Uhura repeated, copying Jim's mocking voice.

 

They laughed at each other as another glass landed in front of Jim. Uhura watched him drink it, unsure of how to approach the Captain. She knew that when Jim doesn't want to talk, he clams up. Sometimes, he's worse than Spock for discussing feelings.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"It's just been a long day." Jim said with a small smile.

 

"What they said-"

 

"I know what they said, I can still hear from over here." Jim looked at her. "Thank you."

 

"For what?" Uhura asked.

 

"I know what you're going to say, and I know. They're just trying to protect me. I'm not the idiot that I was before-"

 

"Before Khan." Uhura finished with a smile. "You really have changed over these past few weeks, we've all noticed it."

 

"Have I? Well it's not down to Khan like you all think. Chekov was right, I haven't spoke to him properly in weeks."

 

Uhura said something in another language, but the expression on her face showed Jim that she was digging into him.

 

"What did you say?" Jim asked.

 

"I believe Luitenant Uhura said 'Absence only makes the heart grow fonder'." Spock said out of nowhere.

 

"Spock!" Jim turned towards the voice to hug his friend.

 

"Or do I need to go over my French vocabulary?" Spock turned his attention to Uhura.

 

"No, perfect as always, Spock." Uhura said as she stretched up on her tip toes to kiss him.

 

Jim turned around to grab their drinks, ordering one for Spock as well. When they had all been served, he turned back around to see Spock whispering something in Uhura's ear.

 

"Come on you two." He said with an eye roll, leading them back to the table.

 

The music had slowly become louder as the night wore on, and now it was so loud everybody could feel it thumping in their stomachs. The dance floor was full of people dancing, either drunkenly by theirselves, or in a group of friends, or with partners that was behaviour borderline on being too much for public viewing. Jim grinned at the view as he looked around - this was when it got good.

 

"Captain, I have heard that Khan has made a breakthrough in the Engineering department." Spock began as he sat down next to Uhura. There were no chairs left around the table, so Jim stood up until this conversation had finished, then he would steal some chairs from the other tables. Everybody was becoming too drunk to care about what chairs belonged where.

 

"I had something to do with it too!" Scotty barked from the other side of the table, over the several conversations going on between him and Jim.

 

"Scotty! When did you get here?" Jim asked, quickly scanning the table for Khan. He wasn't there, probably working another night shift. Jim figured this was Khan's seventh night shift in a row, which meant he'd be coming home soon.

 

Bones watched Jim's expression go from surprised to hopeful to sad to excited, all in five seconds. He shook his head as he followed Jim's thought track, thinking again how serious this was getting.

 

"About five minutes. We've just finished the latest warp core design, and let me tell you Captain, the Enterprise is going to be better than ever when we go flying." Scotty grinned proudly.

 

"I look forward to it." Jim grinned at him, happy to hear his home was doing well.

 

"If you had the choice between a night on your ship, or a night with me, which would you decide?" A low, silky, voice whispered in his ear.

 

"Can't I have both?" Jim replied, a smile growing on his face as he turned around, but nobody was there.

 

He turned back around to ask Scotty "Did Khan come with you?"

 

"My god man, you're obsessed!" Scotty shouted, which made everybody laugh.

 

Jim stuck his tongue out at Scotty, and glancing back around but saw nothing. He moved chairs from another table so everybody could sit, and watched everyone for a moment.

 

Their four seater area now sat Bones, Carol, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty Uhura and Spock.

 

Bones and Carol were cooped up together in the corner, whispering to each other about something that obviously excited them both. Jim winked at Bones when he next looked up, to which Bones glared at him before returning his attention back to Carol.

 

Sulu was sat next to them, but he had his back turned as he was in the middle of telling a story to Spock and Uhura that Uhura was in hysterics about and Spock, surprisingly to Jim, had a smile on his face.

 

Sulu had to shout his conversation over Scotty and Chekov, who were sat next to each other, next to Sulu, and clearly in their own world as they spoke in their rushed accents over something nobody could hear even if they wanted to; it all sounded like gobbledegook.

 

Sulu suddenly got up, making everybody complain as they moved out of the way so he could get out. Uhura turned to ask Spock something, but kept turning around to throw glances at Chekov, which didn't help his reddening cheeks.

 

"If you could do anything with me now, what would you do?" Another sexy whisper fell into Jim's ears, but when he turned around, he saw nothing.

 

Jim groaned, not sure what was going on. Either Khan was toying with him, or Jim was missing Khan so much he was imagining his voice. Neither were good for Jim's apparent sanity to the others.

 

"Shots!" Sulu came back with a tray in hand, loaded with shots.

 

A mixture of groans and shouts of joy erupted from the table, yet everybody went to grab one, apart from Spock and Chekov.

 

Jim asked Chekov "Why aren't you having one?"

 

"I don't want one, Captain."

 

"Come on Chekov, try it." Jim said, to which Sulu and Scotty joined in egging him on.

 

Spock watched them with an annoyed expression. "Mr Chekov, if you do not wish to partake in the 'shot taking', you do not have to."

 

Sulu booed Spock while Scotty said "Shut up man! We're just trying to get him to have some fun."

 

"Are you bullying Chekov?" Bones asked from his corner.

 

"Doctor McCoy, I did not realise you were here." Spock said blankly, and much to his surprise, made everybody laugh.

 

Bones frowned at him, "Stupid hobgoblin. Who invited you anyway?"

 

"I was not invited. Should I be upset, Captain?" Filled Jim's brain, and this time when he turned around, Khan was stood behind him.

 

Jim flung himself on Khan, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding him tight. Khan's arms slid around his waist and they held each other, just happy to be with each other while they were both... Awake.

 

Jim leaned back slightly so he could whisper in Khan's ear, "I've missed you, Khanny baby."

 

"Don't." Khan growled in his ear, but the growl wasn't a scary one, it was a growl that sent thrills through Jim's body, and he pushed himself into Khan further. If Khan wasn't the super-human that he was, Jim would have made him stumble, but instead Khan just tightened his hold around Jim's waist and pulled him closer. "I do not like not seeing you." He whispered in Jim's ear as he pushed his crotch ever so slightly against Jim's, and Jim pushed back with a grin.

 

Their pushes couldn't be seen by everyone sat around the table because of all the empty chairs, only their faces. Apparently they looked guilty enough from their faces as Scotty shouted "Jesus, what's wrong with you? You'd think that you don't see each other every lunch."

 

Jim turned around to put Scotty straight. "I don't see Khan at lunch-" he started, but Khan's hand caught his face and brought it back to his own, capturing him in a kiss.

 

They'd barely kissed before something small hit the back of Jim's head. He turned around to look at the table, but nobody was meeting his eye. He rolled his eyes before turning back to Khan.

 

His eyes searched Khan's face, scouring over every detail as Khan did the exact same thing to Jim. "Why am I so attached to you?" Jim asked suddenly.

 

"My ability to keep up with your sex drive?" Khan replied with a straight face.

 

"It's not all about the sex." Jim kissed the corner of Khan's mouth, then traced his tongue along Khan's bottom lip. Khan parted his lips as his darted out, touching Jim's for a second, but a second was enough.

 

"Let's go somewhere more private." Jim muttered, grabbing Khan's hand and pulling him away from the table. He pulled Khan through the crowd, leading him between all the couples on the dance floor.

 

That lasted about five seconds, before Khan pulled him back against him roughly.

 

"What?" Jim asked as he crashed into Khan's chest.

 

"You are leading me like a pet dog." Khan growled, but again it sent shivers down Jim's spine, something Khan didn't miss. He brought a hand up to Jim's face and ran it along his jaw.

 

"Oh I have missed you, James." Khan said with a tortured voice.

 

"Really?" Jim asked, narrowing his eyes and cocking his head to the side.

 

"Yes... Can't you tell?" Khan asked as he pulled Jim close to him again, close enough to feel his growing erection.

 

"I've missed you too." Jim muttered as he looked down with a smirk. He trailed his hand down Khan's front, until he reached Khan's penis and cupped it through his trousers.

 

Khan let a groan slip out of his mouth. He had one arm around Jim's waist, and gripped Jim's shoulder with his other hand. "I see being in public does not bother you."

 

"Only adds to the excitement." Jim winked. "Anyway, do you really think anyone's going to notice us?"

 

Jim had a point, the dance floor was packed. People were pushing against Jim and Khan as it was, knocking into them every so often as they tried to dance in their drunken haze.

 

"Something tells me you've done this before." Khan groaned as Jim massaged his crotch.

 

"They weren't as pretty as you, don't worry."

 

"You're currently thinking of somebody else?" Khan raised an eyebrow at him.

 

Jim paused for a moment, freezing, unsure of what to say. "Just a memory."

 

Khan leant into Jim, staring at him intently as he said slowly "I want to fuck you right here, right now, so hard that you forget your own name, never mind anybody else's."

 

"Oh I didn't know his name." Jim corrected before thinking.

 

Khan growled at him, then crashed his lips against Jim's. Both his hands cupped Jim's arse, holding him in place as he shamelessly grinded into him. The friction was making Jim harder with every second, and he groaned into Khan's mouth as Khan rolled his hips.

 

Khan was being more dominant that usual, overpowering Jim in every way he could in public... Which made Jim want to go somewhere private, just to see how he'd be then.  He leant back from Khan's mouth. "We need to move."

 

"Why?"

 

"I think the bathroom might suit our needs a little better." Jim replied, his lips touching Khan's as he spoke, taking the opportunity to plant stolen kisses between words.

 

"Slut." Khan smirked at Jim, then grabbed his hand. He ignored Jim's complaints about being called a slut as he pulled him through the crowd, and once they had reached the busy bathroom, Khan practically launched Jim into the nearest free stall.

 

Khan shut the door and turned to touch Jim, but Jim was already on him, hands tugging up his shirt, legs tangling with his own, lips taking ownership of his neck. "I've missed you so much, fuck me, I've missed you a lot."

 

"I plan to." Khan muttered as he lowered his head to bite Jim's neck. The bite went straight to Jim's erection, making it jump, and making Jim moan loudly.

 

Jim's hands were still tugging at Khan's shirt, so Khan pushed him away so they had room to take it off.

 

Jim's constant movements stopped once the shirt was off, freezing to stare at Khan's torso. "So fucking beautiful."

 

"Moi?" Khan asked as he pulled at Jim's own shirt, taking it off of his body in one move.

 

"You fucking know it." Jim grinned, and then he was on Khan again like a second skin.

 

Their skin touching felt so intimate, so sweet, so right, Jim needed more. He sank to his knees as he got to work on undoing Khan's trousers. It took longer than it should have, due to Khan's impatient hip movement and Jim's clumsy hands.

 

At last he undid Khan's trousers, pushing them and his pants down, freeing his penis from the restraints. Khan groaned at the cold air hitting his erection, but Jim quickly wrapped his hand around it, squeezing slightly as he jerked his hand several times.

 

"Not like this." Khan muttered as he looked down at Jim with hooded eyes.

 

Jim kept his eyes on Khan as his tongue slowly licked the pre-cum gathered at the head. When he received a groan from Khan, he replaced his hand with his mouth, taking as much of Khan as he could fit in his mouth.

 

"Not like this either." Jim heard Khan say, but his body said otherwise as his hands ran through Jim's hair and clenched into fists. "Oh, James..."

 

Jim removed himself from Khan's throbbing erection so he could say "Fuck my mouth."

 

Khan looked down at him, then took Jim's break as an opportunity. He pulled Jim back up on his feet, and pushed him against the wall, running his hands all over Jim's body.

 

Khan wanted to mark all of Jim's body, to show him as belonging to Khan, to really make him his. Jim belonged to Khan and everybody needed to know, to be warned, not to touch what wasn't theirs. If anybody ever touched Jim...

 

Jim was watching him, his eyes alight with excitement and amusement. "Everything okay?" He asked with a smirk. "Or did I grow an extra nipple and not notice?"

 

"Perfect. Just how I left you." Khan replied as his fingers trailed down to Jim's hip bones, stroking them with his thumbs.

 

"You make me feel like a toy you play with every now and again." Jim said as he cupped Khan's neck with his hand, his other was cupping Khan's behind.

 

"I would have liked to keep you as my pet. Hidden away for me to play with on a night, or maybe out on the bridge, laying at my feet, reach to suck my cock whenever I requested. I would have liked that very much.." Khan began, leaning forward to bite and suck and kiss Jim's neck. "...Once."

 

"Once?" Jim asked as he leaned his head to the side, closing his eyes at the feeling of Khan's tongue on his sensitive neck.

 

"Not anymore." Khan moved to another spot of blank skin to mark. "Now you are more than that."

 

"What - Fuck, Khan - what am I now?" Jim asked, groaning when Khan bit extra hard on his neck.

 

"Hmmm..." Khan mused as he licked yet another spot on Jim's neck, this time right on top of Jim's pulse. He could see Jim's skin jumping with every heart beat, beating fast as it tried to keep up with Jim's excitement.

 

Excitement over Khan... A proud fact that went straight to Khan's libido.

 

"God, Jim!" Khan shouted out as he hit the wall, shocking Jim. He caught Jim's lips in his own, and invaded Jim's mouth with his tongue. He was all aggression and passion and dominance, and Jim was taking it all, groaning back loudly, showing Khan how much he enjoyed being taken.

 

Khan leant back to order Jim, "Take your trousers off."

 

Jim watched Khan watching him, both staring at each other and breathing loudly as they continued their fucking mentally.

 

"Trousers. Right..." Jim grunted as he pushed down his trousers, groaning, "Come. Off." when they caught around his knees. He finally got them down and looked up at Khan proudly.

 

"Excited, or impatient?" Khan asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Khan caught Jim's hands in one of his, held them above Jim's head and pinned Jim to the stall wall with his body. He took his step closer to Jim again so their naked bodies were flush against one another.

 

"If you don't fuck me soon, I'm going to hump the wall." Jim groaned, his hips jumping up against Khan's as he strained against Khan's grip.

 

Khan moaned in his ear, "I'd like to see that."

 

Jim turned his head until he found Khan's ear, licking the shell of it before whispering "Let go of me and I will."

 

Khan let his hands go, surprising Jim. He turned around instantly, spread his legs and as he'd said, bucked against the wall, looking for any friction against his now painful erection.

 

Khan watched him in amazement for a minute, then his urges got the better of him. He stood behind Jim so they were touching. "I don't have anything on me."

 

"Neither do I. Left my emergency sex bag at home."

 

Khan slapped Jim's left cheek suddenly, surprising Jim because of the pain and the pleasure - the movement had pushed him against the wall again.

 

"Smart mouth."

 

"Put it to a better use." Jim turned his head back to grin at him.

 

"Good idea." Khan said darkly, before he pushed two fingers into Jim's mouth. "Lick."

 

Jim moaned in appreciation of Khan's idea, running his tongue over as much of the skin as possible, trying to cover them with his saliva.

 

Khan removed them with a 'pop' and, without warning, slide them straight into Jim's hole. He stretched his fingers around, trying to spread the saliva and open Jim up at the same time.

 

"Khan..." Jim whined, his hips moving uncontrollably. "I can't wait anymore..."

 

"Hold on." Khan replied, kissing Jim's neck before he knelt down and pressed his face between Jim's cheeks.

 

"Khan, what are you - Arghhh." Incoherent syllables fell from Jim's mouth as Khan's tongue entered him.

 

Jim pressed back into Khan's tongue as Khan ran it all around Jim's hole, then licked inside. "Do you want me to make you come like this?" He asked.

 

"No," Jim's breathing became heavier as his body tensed. "Fuck me, please, I want to feel you inside me, I miss it, I miss you." Jim babbled as Khan stood back up, lining himself up to enter Jim.

 

Khan ordered, "Stand back, put your legs wide, and brace your hands on the wall." He waited for Jim to do as he'd ordered, then gripped Jim's hips in his hands, squeezing hard.

 

"Ready?"

 

"Do it."

 

Khan plummeted into Jim, making him gasp in pain, then drew out slowly. He did it again, keeping Jim locked in place with the hands wrapped around his hips. Khan kept driving into Jim, going in deeper and deeper every time, looking for -

 

"Fuck! Shit, there Khan, right - Shit!" Khan had hit his prostate again, and now that he'd found the right angle to go in at, built up a speed in which he hit Jim's prostate every time. Khan rocked in and out of Jim as Jim made noises nobody could understand.

 

Every nerve in Jim's body was alert, all his senses on fire as Khan's cock repeatedly hit his sweet spot, driving him further and further over the edge.

 

"Just a little more, Khan, Khan, shit, Khanny baby-"

 

Khan withdrew one of his hands from Jim's hips to smack his cheek again. "I told you not to call me that." Khan growled as he pushed into Jim harder, making tears form in his eyes at the mixture of pain and pleasure he was feeling.

 

Khan wrapped one arm around Jim's waist to hold him in place, and the other around Jim's cock. He continued to drive into him, going faster and harder with every push, but at the same time he had his hand around Jim's cock, moving up and down in time with his rhythm.

 

It was a lethal combination, and it ruined Jim in seconds.

 

Jim moaned Khan's name repeatedly as he came all over the wall, his toes curling as he pushed back into Khan's penis even further. Khan held him in place while he rode out his orgasm, and continued driving into him as his own orgasm dominated his body. The waves washed over him, and he collapsed into Jim, moaning his name into his ear, who was no better than he. Khan leant into Jim and Jim leant into the wall, both of them trying to regain their breath, spent.

 

* * *

 

"For the love of God, what is wrong with you two?!" Bones asked with widened eyes.

 

Jim had Khan had redressed, and were now heading back to the table, hand in hand. Bones met them on the dance floor, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

"Jim, what's all over your neck?" Bones asked as he leaned closer to have a look.

 

"Nothing?" Jim replied, confused.

 

Bones leant back quickly, turning his gaze from Jim to Khan. Khan stared straight back at him, a smug expression covering his face.

 

Bones shook his head. "Jim, can I have a word?"

 

Jim groaned at him, but when Bones persisted, he turned around to kiss Khan quickly. "I'll be back soon." He traced against Khan's lips.

 

Bones lead him towards the bar, leaving Khan stood on the dance floor. He watched Jim walk away, turning around to say "Go to the table, talk to my crew."

 

The phrase "Throwing me to the lions" came to Khan's mind as he walked towards the table everybody had occupied, analysing the scene before him.

 

Carol was sat next to Uhura, tears in her eyes as she spluttered through some problem that involved, going by the repeated reference to his name, Marcus. Perhaps now was the best time for her to see Khan.

 

Uhura felt Khan looking, and sent him a quick smile that Khan picked up on straight away. It was a 'I'll deal with you later' smile.

 

Humorous.

 

Spock was on the other side of Uhura, talking to Scotty about the work he and Khan had been doing. Or just about Khan in general...

 

"Hey, Khan!" Sulu shouted above the others, instantly hushing them and directing their attention. "I'll be honest with you, you do scare me."

 

"You'd be an idiot if I didn't." Khan replied fluently, his body tensing as he prepared himself for whatever Sulu was about to say.

 

"I just want to say, don't you dare hurt Jim." He stared at Khan, ignoring Chekov telling him off for getting involved beside him.

 

"Are you threatening me?"

 

"No, he's not." Uhura answered before Sulu could. "He's speaking for us all. We can see the difference you've made to Jim, and although you might not realise it, you've changed him, made him happier."

 

"I know." Khan replied with a curt lip.

 

"So if you hurt him, we will hurt you." She continued, talking calmly.

 

"Don't hurt our Captain." Chekov added, causing everyone to look at him in surprise.

 

Khan stared at them all, unsure what was the best way to proceed. He wanted to rip them all apart one by one; the Vulcan who feels nothing towards the loving Uhura, the child who obviously feels everything towards the Scot, and the woman who is too attached to the Doctor, who is coincidentally too attached to Jim for Khan's liking. And Sulu, the threatener, who clearly only had the courage to speak to him because of the drink.

 

The table was silent as they waited for Khan to respond. Tension filled them all, waiting for Khan to let rip.

 

"Mr Singh, I recommend you listen to the advice given. I have been on the receiving end of Uhura's anger, and I do not recommend it for anybody else." Spock commented seriously, but it was the comment everybody needed. The table erupted into laughter, and Uhura flushed red as everyone questioned  her for more details.

 

Khan glanced over them all, looking at Uhura last. She raised an eyebrow at him, an unspoken "Well?"

 

Khan swallowed his anger and listened to his empathy. "Thank you. I understand your need to protect Jim, be assured I will not harm him."

 

"And you'll cover him in hickeys to make sure nobody else touches him." Bones rolled his eyes as he came back to the table, with Jim in tow.

 

Jim glanced over Khan's face nervously. "What did they say?"

 

"What do you mean?" Khan asked as he slipped his arm around Jim's waist.

 

"Bones told me they were going to say something to you."

 

Khan kissed his forehead, and leant forwards so their foreheads were touching. "Nothing I did not already know."

 

Jim looked into his eyes, looking for answers, but he found nothing. "Okay, whatever." He said before placing a quick kiss on Khan's mouth. "Let's sit."

 

They sat down next to Bones, who was now sat back in the corner with Carol. Everybody was sat around the table; Bones, Carol, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, Uhura, Spock, Jim and Khan.

 

Three hours later, after much talking, and drinking, and laughing, the club closed and they all piled out onto the street. Despite living within walking distance, Jim and Khan refused to go home until they had seen everybody else leave.

 

It was another half an hour of waiting for transport, and everybody was talking as happily as they had been inside, if not more so...

 

Uhura and Carol were all laughing at a story Bones was telling; Scotty and Chekov were stood very close together, speaking in those rushed accents from earlier that nobody could understand; Jim and Spock were discussing alcohol, specifically, how much Jim had drunk and how it defied the rules of one becoming drunk; and Sulu was stood with Khan, learning about what the Earth was like in the 20th Century.

 

"You know, you're not so bad. I could like you." Sulu slurred as he turned away from Khan, going to interrupt in Chekov and Scotty's discussion. He turned back suddenly, "Remember, hurt him and I'll kick your butt." and walked backwards until he crashed into Scotty, earning himself several shouted swear words.

 

Jim watched Sulu with a smirk on his face, checking Khan's reaction.

 

"I think Mr Sulu will regret threatening Khan by the time his consumed units have left his system."

 

Jim snorted. "I suspect the same thing." He held a hand out to Khan, which Khan took as he took a step closer to Jim and Spock.

 

"Mr Singh, have you consumed any alcohol tonight?" Spock asked him, surprising both Jim and Khan.

 

"I have shared Jim's drinks. I believe he's been experimenting with my taste." Khan looked at Jim out of the corner of his eye.

 

"He likes gin and tonic." Jim grinned.

 

"I ask because of your biological mechanism. Have you felt any particular affects-"

 

Before they could scientifically analyse Khan's metabolism, Uhura shouted "Come on Spock, we're going."

 

Spock turned on his heel to nod at her. He looked back at Jim and Khan with a "Goodnight gentlemen.", then strode off.

 

They stood watching everybody leave, with Jim rolling his eyes at Bones' stumbling.

 

Jim turned to Khan suddenly. "You never said, what am I to you now?"

 

"My equal. Mine." Khan responded with a smile, wrapping both his arms around Jim's waist.

 

Jim responded automatically, with one hand wrapping itself around Khan's waist and the other cupping Khan's neck. He stared at Khan, stunned by his words. "Thank you." He leant up to kiss Khan softly.

 

After a moment he leant back, pressing their foreheads together to whisper "I want to take you."

 

Khan frowned slightly before saying "No."

 

"Please?"

 

"No. The last person to do that was Marcus, and I don't want to be reminded of him." Khan admitted.

 

"It wouldn't be like that. I'd take care of you, I'd make you feel good."

 

"Jim."

 

"Khan, I want to feel you all around me, to own you like you own me, to show you how much I love you."

 

Khan watched him, aware that Jim hadn't realised what he'd just said.

 

"You..." He began, then stopped. He kissed Jim, and changed his words "Okay. I love you-" He paused.

 

Jim caught Khan's chin between his fingers. "What is it?"

 

Khan cupped Jim's face with his hands, staring into his eyes intently. "I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realise how long this was until I saw the word count... Woopsies?


	18. A First, For Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a kiss that spoke their feelings, soft lips dominating, shy tongues engaging, hard teeth nibbling. It was a kiss that captured everything they had felt up until now, and conveyed it in a language they both understood... Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of this story...

"Do you remember the events of last night?" Khan asked as he brought breakfast in to Jim.

Jim was sat up in his bed, leaning against the headboard, on the right side, a smile on his face as he looked up at Khan. His hair was ruffled, he had no clothes on, and the duvet was up to his waist, showing his trail of hair that began at his belly button but hiding where it ended.

"Of course I remember, I told you I wasn't drunk." Jim replied with an eye roll. When Khan placed the plate of food on the bedside table next to Jim, Jim stretched up slightly, cupping his hand around Khan's neck to kiss him. "Morning gorgeous."

Khan kissed him back lazily, licking Jim's top lip with a smile. "Not to spoil the mood, but you're breath isn't pleasant on a morning."

"Morning breath. Gimme a minute." Jim replied as he hopped out of bed, pushing Khan back slightly so he could get past him.

They both knew that Khan wouldn't have moved if he didn't want to, but he did; it was a sign that Khan really did trust him.

That was the first thing this morning that made Jim's heart flutter with delight.

When Jim came back from the bathroom, Khan was laid on the bed, a look of contemplation on his face. His eyes fixed on Jim as soon as Jim came into his view, sitting up and putting one arm behind him as support.

"Are you okay?" Jim asked as he laid down carefully in front of Khan. Khan looked over him, automatically reaching out to touch Jim, trailing one hand across his stomach. He sighed, then leaned forwards and placed his head on Jim's stomach.

Jim laid there in shock for a moment. He had never seen Khan so... Vulnerable? Open? Thoughtful? He couldn't place the word he was after.

He put one hand under his head, and the other he ran through Khan's hair, brushing the dark locks backwards, curling them around his fingers, stroking them.

Jim loved playing with Khan's hair, partly because it was so gorgeous to touch, but mainly because Khan actually let him, and it was something else that made Jim's stomach flip; it was another sign that Khan did trust him, another sign that Khan did love him, and another sign that what Khan said was true.

To love someone and to trust them are two separate things, and Khan did both with Jim.

Jim couldn't help the smile that overcame his face. "I love you." He almost choked on the words, his hand stilling as he said them. Khan froze beneath him as the words hung in the air... And then Jim continued stroking Khan's hair, the grin on his face growing.

"You said that for the first time last night. I blamed the influence of alcohol." Khan commented lightly, trying to keep all the emotions he felt out of his voice.

"A lot of things were said last night." Jim returned.

Khan 'hm'ed in agreement, but didn't say anything else.

After a moment, Jim grew impatient. He cupped Khan's chin, tilting his face round to meet his eyes. "You know what I'm talking about."

Khan shifted around so he was laid on Jim's stomach, body facing Jim. He hesitated before saying, "Of course."

They both stared at each other, sat in silence as the tension filled them.

Jim barely spoke before Khan replied.

"Trust me."

"I do."

Khan sighed again, and sat up. He leant his head back and looked at Jim's body, starting from his toes, and slowly worked his way up to Jim's eyes.

Jim watched Khan looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Distractions. Won't. Work." Jim said, his fingers taking steps up Khan's arm with every word.

"You will not let this drop, will you, James?" Khan asked, sadness reflected in his eyes.

Jim frowned at what he saw. "What did Marcus do to you? What did he do that was so bad?"

Khan visibly shook at the thought. "You said you watched the video."

"I turned it off. I couldn't watch it all."

Khan nodded once. "Nothing you would even think of doing to me, and I know that. I know you are not Marcus."

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, doubting his fantasy of taking Khan; maybe this was asking too much of his lover.

"Yes." Khan replied with a voice of steel. "I know who you are, and you are," Khan almost spat, "nothing like him."

Jim nodded at him. He leant forwards, slowly, taking Khan's face in his hands. "Khan Noonien Singh..." Jim took a deep breath, "I love you."

Khan analysed Jim's expression as he smiled. He pushed himself further into Jim, kissing him momentarily. "I love you, James Tiberius Kirk."

"Ha." Jim was practically beaming. "Aren't we cute?"

Khan rolled his eyes. "Have you forgotten your breakfast, James?"

Jim rolled his eyes again. "You sound like my mother before school."

"Please do not compare me to your mother when we're in bed." Khan's face screwed up in disgust.

"Sorry." Jim said as he reached for the duvet and brought it up to his waist again, then picked up his breakfast plate off of the bedside table. "Omelette?"

"I thought you would like the eggs for the protein." Khan kissed Jim's shoulder as he hid a smile.

"You like me healthy and strong, don't you?" Jim grinned as he forked a large piece of omelette in his mouth. He groaned as the flavour hit his taste buds. "Oh Khan, baby, what's in this?"

"Surprise. One day I shall teach you how to cook."

"Hey, I know how to cook!" Jim lightly prodded him with the fork.

"I'm sure you do." Khan replied as he moved from Jim's shoulder to his neck, licking just above Jim's pulse before sinking his teeth in.

"Do you want me to eat my breakfast, or you?" Jim groaned as he titled his head to the side.

"Breakfast." Khan replied as he moved away, making Jim pout.

"Compromise. What if I ate you for my breakfast?" Jim muttered with a mouth full as he ate more omelette.

Khan smiled at him, "Now there's a thought." He licked his lips.

Jim didn't take the bait, instead he frowned at Khan. "Stop teasing me! I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast."

Khan tutted at Jim but stopped teasing him, and instead laid back on the bed, his head level with Jim's covered feet.

"You're like a child." Jim commented after he'd eaten his breakfast. He put the plate back on the bedside table with a content sigh, and leaned back into his headboard.

He had barely settled before he found Khan straddling him, kissing his shoulders and neck. "Are you hungry, Khan?"

"For you," Khan muttered before biting Jim's shoulder, "always."

"Stupid question." Jim winced as Khan bit down hard enough to draw blood. He caught Khan's face and brought it up quickly. "Play fair."

"But that's no fun, _Captain_."

Jim groaned before he brought Khan's lips to his own. As always, it was a battle of dominance, a war for ground to cover, but this time there was something different. It was a kiss that spoke their feelings, soft lips dominating, shy tongues engaging, hard teeth nibbling. It was a kiss that captured everything they had felt up until now, and conveyed it in a language they both understood... Love.

Khan was the first to break away. "James, I love you, and I trust you, and I want to do this, but I don't think I can."

Jim immediately placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Let me be there for you, let me see what damage he did, so I can help you."

"I don't want you to help me. I want to do this by myself." Khan looked down as he said so.

"See? You looked down because you know yourself what you just said was wrong. You know I'm here to help you, to be here for you, so let me... Fix you." Jim smiled as he lowered his hands from Khan's neck to his shoulder, then traced them down Khan's top.

Khan raised his arms once Jim reached the bottom so he could pull the top off easily. He had to lift onto his knees to reach Khan's stretched hands, then he threw Khan's shirt behind him, and kissed Khan's fingers. He trailed kisses along Khan's right hand, wrist, arm, until he reached his shoulder.

Jim pushed Khan back until he was laying down, then moved so he was hovering over him. He continued his trail of kisses along Khan's torso, as well as licking both nipples only until they had hardened beneath his wet tongue.

He moved to Khan's left ribs, gently kissing the skin, then moved across to the right and did exactly the same. Jim trailed his way to Khan's belly button, placing a kiss right on it.

Khan was watching him the entire time, his hands on whatever part of Jim's body he could reach; his shoulders, his neck, his hair.

As Jim's hands gripped Khan's hip bones, Jim furthered his trail until he was at the point where Khan's crotch met his thigh. He looked up at Khan, then kissed along his penis, up one side, winked at Khan as he licked the head, and down the other. When he reached the other side, he kissed the top of Khan's thigh, making Khan jump at the sensitive spot being touched.

He kissed all along Khan's leg, ankle, even foot, kissing the underside and almost making Khan squirm. He then placed a kiss on the end of every toe, then looked up at Khan with a smile on his face.

"Are we only doing the right side?" Khan asked, returning Jim's smile, with an added raised eyebrow.

"Of course not. I want to kiss every part of your body; it's beautiful. You're beautiful." Jim's sincerity was written on his face.

Khan blushed, and leant back before Jim saw. Never before had somebody paid this much attention to his body. He'd slept with men and women before, but he was always the dominating one, the one in charge, in control.

Not now. Not with Jim.

Having someone as handsome, as experienced, as Jim focus on him... It was what Jim would call 'an ego boost'.

But Jim was always the one pleasuring Khan. The blowjobs, this, even the sex, Jim always made sure Khan was fulfilled, even when it was supposed to be Khan doing the fulfilling.

Marcus didn't treat him like this. Marcus came in and pounded into him and left. It was as simple as that, but it broke Khan's self-confidence. The man came in and used him and Khan couldn't even fight back. He just laid there, turning over when he was told, taking all the insults Marcus threw at him for being 'weak', 'pathetic', 'a shame of a leader. What powerful leader would let another man take him like this.', suggesting Khan wanted this, wanted to be dominated by some human scum, wanted to be used and filled and... The words haunted Khan in his sleep.

How did Khan go from Marcus to Jim?

"Hey." Jim whispered, bringing Khan out of his thoughts. Jim was above him, surprising Khan; he must have zoned out of the left-side kisses. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Khan smiled back at him. The image of Marcus laid above him, snarling insults and getting harder over raping Khan, dissolving to be replaced by Jim, a smile on his face, his eyes full of love and joy and care.

Jim stroked his cheek. "Khan, if you want to stop, we can stop."

"No." Khan replied quickly, moving to kiss Jim's neck. "We need to do this, to overcome it."

Jim leant down to kiss Khan's neck. "We. I like the sound of that." He lowered himself onto Khan's body, letting his weight settle before he placed his hands on Khan's hips. "Where are you comfortable with?"

"Wherever you want me." Khan replied with a wink.

Jim grinned as he leant over to pick up the bottle of lube from his bedside table. He squeezed the bottle so his hand was covered, then wrapped his hand around his penis, stroking it a few times, making sure it was covered.

He spread Khan's legs, but Khan turned over so he was on all fours, pushing him bum in the air. Jim grinned before leaning forward to kiss Khan's right cheek, then sunk his teeth into it.

Khan hissed at him, making Jim chuckle. He covered his hand in lube again, and traced a finger around Khan's hole.

"Is this okay?" Jim asked as he entered one finger into Khan's anus, trying to spread the lube.

"Yes." Marcus never did this. Marcus never took Khan in this position, never put lubrication on, never-

Khan mentally shook himself. ' _Stop thinking of him. James' here. This is all about James, show him you can do this, for him.'_

Jim had his hands on Khan's bum as he kissed up his spine, until he reach his neck. "I love you." He whispered in Khan's ear, before moving away and turning Khan over in one move. He lined himself up. "Ready baby?"

Khan nodded, thinking 'This is how Marcus did it, but James isn't Marcus. Remember, James isn't Marcus'. He dispelled those thoughts. "Come on, James, I want you in me."

Jim entered Khan, pushing in and pulling out slowly as he got used to Khan's hole. "Oh, Khan, you're so _tight_!"

Marcus filled Khan's memory, his mind replaying Marcus leaning over him with that repulsive grin on his face, groaning as he ripped into Khan and said "Oh, Khan, you're so _tight_!"

Khan growled at the words. "DON'T SAY THAT!" He shouted as he rolled them both over until he was on top of Jim, pressing into him with all his weight.

"Khan..." Jim whispered, wrapping his arms around Khan's neck and holding him closer. The look on Khan's face told Jim he wasn't with him right now, he was lost in some memory. "Khan, it's me, it's James. Khan, listen to me, to my voice, I'm here, we're at home, we're good."

Khan shook his head, snapping out of the images that were replaying in his mind. "Jim..." He closed his eyes slowly as the guilt flooded over him, replacing the images of Marcus. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Jim said softly, cupping Khan's cheek, waiting for Khan to open his eyes. "Hey. Look at me."

After a moment Khan opened his eyes, expecting Jim to be angry or disappointed or sad, but he wasn't. He was looking at Khan with such an expression of concern that it hurt Khan's heart.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Do you want to stop?"

"No!" The edge's of Khan's mouth turned down. "I want to do this, for you."

"You don't have to do anything for me." Jim replied before leaning up to kiss Khan.

"But I want to. I want to overcome this, to show you how much I love you."

"We could do it differently?" Jim offered. "You could ride, be in control, decide on how fast or how close-"

"I want to do this. I need to." Khan replied as he rolled them back over.

Jim didn't reply, instead he carried on kissing Khan, laying on him comfortably and running his fingers along Khan's ribs.

Khan humoured Jim and returned the gesture, his hands dancing along Jim's spine.

After a few moments it was just like before, and Khan was the one pushing his hips into Jim.

Jim placed his hands either side of Khan's head, leaning up to look at Khan. "Are you ready?"

Khan wrapped his legs around Jim, pushing up his hips so he was positioned better for him.

Jim slid into him, watching Khan's face for his reaction. As soon as Jim was in, Khan was pushing him on with his legs. "Come on, James, fill me."

"Yes boss." Jim replied as he slid into Khan, rolling his hips at the same time. Going by Khan's moan, Jim guessed he was doing something right.

Jim lowered himself onto Khan, keeping himself braced up by elbows so he could properly thrust himself in, but also being low enough to cover Khan's mouth with his own. Every moan that came out of Khan's mouth went into his own, every breath Khan took Jim felt against his chest, every shiver of pleasure Khan had Jim felt it as if it was his own. He wanted to feel everything Khan felt, so he know Khan was happy.

He turned to Khan's neck, sucking and biting and kissing between half sentences whispered in Khan's ear, "So beautiful Khan... So fucking sexy... Mine, all mine... Love you so much... Fucking hell... Dominant, powerful, and sweet... You amaze me... You're the best person I've ever met... You make me so happy Khan... Khanny baby..." while he drove into Khan deeper, egged on by Khan's legs digging into his back.

"Look at me, James." Khan muttered between moans.

Jim moved back up to look at him, watching his expression as he hit his prostrate, deliberately stroking it slowly every time. "Do you feel that baby? That's how you make me feel all the time, that happiness, that pleasure, that's how I feel around you. I love you so much Khan, you're too much for me, you're too good, too powerful, too clever, too sweet, yet you're mine," Jim almost growled, "all mine."

"Yours Jim, always yours." Khan whispered as he wrapped his arms around Jim, dragging his fingers down his back and arching his own back into Jim as he continuously hit Khan's spot.

"Come on baby, for me, all for me, come, baby, Khan, my Khan." Jim babbled as he wrapped his hand around Khan's penis and stroked it. It didn't take long before Khan exploded a large amount of sperm onto his and, because they were so close together, Jim's chests.

Jim continued pumping Khan and thrusting into him as he reached his own climax.

Khan squirmed as he felt Jim come inside him, the feeling unusual but not unbearable. He watched Jim's expression, stretching up to kiss Jim's neck as Jim threw his head back.

Jim collapsed onto Khan, his head buried in his neck as he regained his breath. "I love you... So much..."

Khan smiled, then hummed, and he began to stroke Jim's spine.

They stayed in their comfortable positions for half an hour, both thinking, happy to lay in silence.

Khan suddenly turned his head. "James?"

"Yeah?" Jim lifted his head up so he could see Khan better.

"Thank you." Khan leaned closer so he could kiss Jim's forehead. "Thank you so much."

"I told you, I'm not him, and I'm here to help you overcome whatever problems you have, because I love you. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. If you were hitting me, and taking care anger for Marcus out on me, I wouldn't care because at least that's a way of dealing with it. I want to be here with you." Jim said honestly.

"How did you know what to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"The constant string of compliments?"

"Oh. Well." Khan could feel Jim's cheeks burning against his skin. "I thought that if I talked, it would keep you in the present. The compliments kind of rolled off of the tongue without thinking about it.

"Now I think of it, I bet it helped because that's not what he did. Did he?"

"No." Khan said quietly.

"Bastard." Jim muttered. "You're mine Khan, nobody else will ever touch you again."

Khan rolled them over so he was on top, and looked at Jim with narrowed eyes. "Did we switch personalities in the night?"

"Nope." Jim grinned at him. "I'm just saying how I feel more. I thought you'd like it."

"Oh I like possessive Jim very much." Khan replied with a dirty grin. "I like him very much indeed." He muttered as he bit Jim's neck.

Jim could feel the several love bites Khan was making, but it was nothing in comparison to the way he felt about what they had just done. Khan had completely trusted him, allowed him to dominate him, let him take control, everything.

It was another sign that made Jim's stomach flip that morning.

It was also the last. After that, after that amazing morning sex, connection they'd shared and relationship point they'd achieved, Jim thought his mood couldn't be put down by anything.

But it was. Approximately thirteen minutes after walking into Starfleet HQ, his amazing mood was destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everybody who reads this and leaves kudos and comments, thank you all very much my darlings, you don't know how much I appreciate it<3


	19. What Is Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't know anything, Kirk. He played you, and used you, now you're going to lose your job because of him. A criminal. All because you fell in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments, the kudos, the bookmarks, everything that has supported me and encouraged me to carry this on. Thank you<3

" **Kirk**!" A shout echoed across the entrance to Star Fleet HQ as soon as Jim stepped one foot in it. Jim looked up, spotting Harry on the next floor. "Up here, now."

 

Jim shared a glance with Khan, reaching for his hand to squeeze it before saying "Have a good day at work."

 

Khan nodded at him, "Have fun." He watched Jim half-run to the lift, frowning. Then he shook his head, and went to find Scotty.

 

"What's up Har-" Jim coughed. "Admiral Senior, what is the problem?"

 

"I need a word with you Captain, in private."

 

Jim searched Harry's face, looking for some clue to what was going on, but he found nothing.

 

They walked to Harry's office in silence, Harry staring straight ahead, ignoring everybody he walked past. Jim was constantly sneaking glances at Harry, still looking for some clue to what was going on.

 

Harry slammed the door behind them, making Jim jump. "What's going on?"

 

"Admiral Hobkinson has requested to see you, ASAP."

 

"Why have you brought me in here then?" Jim asked, frowning.

 

"Because, smartarse, we need to figure out what you're going to say. I think it's going to be about Khan's family-"

 

"Have you spoke to him about it?" Jim asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

 

"Of course not, don't be so stupid." Harry scolded him.

 

"How do you know what it'll be about then?"

 

"I don't, but what else could it be?"

 

"Last time I presumed what I was wanted for, I thought Pike was sending me on the five year mission. Instead he took my ship off of me. Don't assume anything." Jim shrugged.

 

"Let's hope your luck changes." Harry ran a hand over his face. "Saying this is about Khan's family, I want you to be very careful and not mention-"

 

A knock interrupted Harry's words. He rolled his eyes, striding to the door and yanking it open. "What?"

 

"Is Captain Kirk here?" A cadet was stood in the doorway, clearly shaken by Harry's bad mood.

 

"Yes. What do you want with him?"

 

"Admiral Hobkinson wants to see him now."

 

"He'll be there in a minute."

 

The cadet mumbled something, making Harry sigh impatiently. "What is it? Speak louder for god sake!"

 

"I have been told to escort Captain Kirk to Admiral Thomas' office."

 

Harry stared at the cadet for a long moment, then turned to Jim. Harry's expression changed over five seconds, flickering through different expressions, reflecting emotions that Jim picked up on and felt along with Harry. They stared at one another for a moment, before Harry nodded. "Best get going then, Captain Kirk. _Dismissed_."

 

Jim nodded at him. "Yes, sir."

 

The cadet lead Jim away from Harry in silence, giving Jim time to think and analyse and panic. What if somebody had found out about their plan? What if somebody had gone to Admiral Hobkinson before they had the chance to present their idea in the best light? What if everything they had worked for was ruined?

 

Jim couldn't forgive himself if he'd let Khan down. Everything he'd done over the past few months was for Khan, to make Khan feel happy, and comfortable again. To prove to Khan that Star Fleet weren't bad, that there were good humans on this planet, and they wanted to help just because it was the right thing to do. He wanted to show Khan that some humans were good, and give him back what he deserved.

 

The cadet stopped walking, and knocked on the door in front of him. When it swung open, he mumbled "Captain Kirk, sir." and ran off.

 

"He's a little jumpy." Jim commented with a raised eyebrow.

 

"He's scared of the man in charge, and right to be." Admiral Hobkinson replied gruffly. "Okay Captain Kirk, inside." He sighed.

 

Jim walked into the office, taking a look around at the basically supplied space. No family photos, no personal tokens, just a table, a few chairs, and a PADD.

 

The only thing that surprised Jim was seeing Scotty sat on one of the chairs.

 

"Scotty? What are you doing here?" Jim asked as he sat down next to him.

 

Scotty looked at him but didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Jim picked up straight away that this was serious.

 

"What's going on?" Jim asked, the formal situation finally making him sober up.

* * *

Six floors down, Khan couldn't find Scotty. Nobody knew where he was.

 

Perfect timing for Khan to check on his situation.

* * *

"Captain Kirk, would you say you knew Khan Noonien Singh?"

 

Jim frowned at the words. "As you know, Khan Noonien Singh is currently residing with me. Over the course of the last few weeks, I would say I have grown to know him rather well indeed, sir."

 

Admiral Hobkinson nodded. "And over the course of the past two months, have you noticed any suspicious behaviour from him?"

* * *

Khan walked, practically skipping with every step. He'd picked up a PADD on his way out of Engineering, his fingers currently dancing across the screen as he hacked into Star Fleet's mainframe.

* * *

"Suspicious behaviour?"

 

"Yes, Kirk, suspicious behaviour. Anything to suggest he might be planning something."

 

Jim shook his head. "No, sir. Khan knew the conditions of his release, he knows better than to plan anything. Regardless sir, Khan wouldn't plot against the people who have just given him back his freedom."

* * *

Khan memorised the trigrams, several letters and numbers that made up the codes that changed every day, on the PADD, nodding once as they registered in his memory. He put the PADD under one arm, and continued walking to the lower levels.

* * *

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, sir. Khan now respects Star Fleet, seeing the good that it produces and even working with Mister Scott here on a breakthrough that affects all the starships Star Fleet owns. He is a genius working for us, doing the work he loves."

 

"Hm." Admiral Hobkinson grunted. "I wouldn't be so confident with that assumption."

 

"Sir, what's going on?" Jim asked again.

 

"Well, I thought you might have known, yet you're clearly too blinded to see." He sighed, a minute sign to Jim that maybe he didn't want to continue this conversation. "Khan Noonien Singh has hacked into Star Fleet database to learn our level 9 codes."

 

Jim froze as his brain filtered what was being said to him. "Why?" He half-whispered.

 

"You don't know?" Admiral Hobkinson raised his eyebrow.

 

No. Jim didn't know a fucking thing, because Jim was too wrapped up in himself, his own plans, to realise the obvious; Khan was planning something. Just like always. And now he was getting his punishment. Whatever Khan had done, Jim was going to pay for it.

 

Khan hadn't told him anything. Jim let that sink in, along with the shock, the anger, and the disappointment. Khan was planning something, and he hadn't told Jim.

 

Of course he hadn't told Jim. Jim had been planning something to. How could he be mad at Khan for not saying anything to him when he hadn't exactly been keen to share his theories either? Whatever was going on, Khan had a reason for not telling Jim.

 

"I don't know, sir."

 

"Khan's been sneaking in to see his family."

 

Jim's eyes widened momentarily. "Well of course-" He controlled his outburst, processing his thoughts before speaking.

 

Admiral Hobkinson was watching him with a raised eyebrow. "Of course?"

 

Of course Khan was going to see his family. He wanted to make sure they're safe, they're still here, within reach. Khan didn't trust anybody with those he held most dear, so he went out to find the proof himself.

 

Jim almost grinned in relief that that was it. Khan wasn't to planning to leave him. It was all okay.

 

"Sir, if your family had been taken from you and placed somewhere else, wouldn't you want to make sure they're alive?"

 

"No, this is more than that, Kirk, and I'm sure of it. Khan is planning something, something dangerous, and we need to be ready for it."

 

Like what? To run away to the stars with his family? How could he even do that? Hijack the codes, move his family onto a ship, and leave, running for the stars?

 

Khan would never get away with it. The process would be too long, especially alone.

 

Unless he did it at night.

 

Is that why Khan's been spending so much time here through the night? Researching the security levels on the night shift, finding the breaches, planning his escape?

 

His escape from Star Fleet, or Jim?

 

Jim cleared his throat, pushing away his emotions. "Whatever is going on sir, I'm sure he has a reason for it."

 

"You're defending him? I'm telling you that this man, this criminal, is up to something. He's working on something, and you don't know anything about it. He's kept you in the dark. Why?"

 

Jim faltered on that. "I don't know."

* * *

Khan let a grin slip over his face as he nearly reached his destined floor, picking up the pace as he walked past the boring people with their boring lives, merely clouds on the scenery of his home.

 

Nobody gave him a second glance. Over the two months of him working there, everybody had got used to seeing Khan's face on a daily basis, and chose to ignore him, pushing they saw this murderer to the back of their minds as soon as they could.

 

An ambiguous act. Khan could choose to be upset by this ignorance, or, he could be happy that people pointedly turned a blind eye to him, and therefore where he was going.

* * *

“You realise Khan's been using you, don’t you son?” Admiral Hobkinson asked Jim, in a voice that suggested Jim was an idiot.

 

“No sir, he hasn’t.” Jim replied defiantly.

 

“For god sake Kirk, with the amount of people you’ve slept with and used, I thought you’d have realised this. Khan used you to get to his family, the people he really cares for and loves, which isn’t you. Look at this realistically, why would he want you when there are people like him, people better than you in more ways than you can imagine?”

 

“With respect sir, _you’re wrong_.” Jim’s teeth were locked together, grinding to push away the paranoid thoughts entering his head. What if Admiral Hobkinson was right? Khan had been up to something, maybe he had been using Jim, playing Jim like an instrument as Jim helped him achieve what he really wanted… Access to find his family.

 

“Do you know where he goes on his lunch break?” Admiral Hobkinson asked, his face almost sympathetic when Jim shook his head. “Mister Scott?”

 

“He told me he was going to see you Jim. I didn’t know he was… I thought he was telling the truth.” Scotty looked down, he couldn’t face Jim’s expression mirroring his thoughts as they fell into despair.

 

"Khan has been wondering around Star Fleet ever since he started working here. To what extent we do not know, but we do know he knows this place from top to bottom. Why would he need to know that, Captain Kirk? Why does he need to know the entire building of Star Fleet? Is he planning an attack?"

 

"No, no, Khan wouldn't do this." Jim muttered, a frown on his face as he looked at Admiral Hobkinson. "Look, sir, I've spent a lot of time with Khan-"

 

"I know you have. I know exactly what's going on there, and it sickens me."

 

"- _Sir_ , he wouldn't do this." Jim raised his voice.

 

"You don't know anything, Kirk. He played you, and used you, now you're going to lose your job because of him. A criminal. All because you fell in love." Admiral Hobkinson shook his head.

* * *

Khan tapped the access codes into the door, fully grinning when the door clicked open.

* * *

"I've handled the situation myself."

 

Jim snapped up at look at Admiral Hobkinson. "Sir? What do you mean?" 

* * *

Khan looked around the space before him, shock taking over his face.

* * *

"I have personally handled the situation. If you want a job doing, do it yourself." Admiral Hobkinson replied as he fiddled with the key on his desk.

* * *

"NOOOOO!" Khan screamed as he fell to his knees, tears overflowing from his eyes, hands balled into fists. "NO NO NO!"

* * *

"Sir," Jim shared a glance with Scotty, worry dominating his expression. "What have you done?" 

* * *

Khan pressed his hands into his eyes, trying to push away the sight he had just seen.

 

Everything he had worked for - gone. Everything he had planned - gone. Everything he wanted - gone.

 

Ever since he was in jail, Khan had planned this. He had planned it all to the very last detail, making sure it was fool proof. He had to make sure it was watertight, because he couldn't let them down.

 

But he had.

 

Once again, he had let down the people he held most dear.

 

They had taken his family.


	20. A Conflict Within The Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim wasn't anything special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter, your comments help me direction where this is going, inspire me when stuck, and give me the confidence when I think nobody likes it. Stupid and soppy, I'm sorry, but thank you<3

Jim walked dejectedly towards his front door, his pace slowing with every step. He didn't want to go in there. He didn't want to have this conversation.

 

Realistically, Jim wanted to run away, find some shitty bar, and drink away every stupid thought in his stupid head.

 

If this was anybody else, he would have done.

 

But what Jim knew was; he couldn't do that; he couldn't run away from Khan; he couldn't leave these questions unanswered.

 

Because the matter of the fact was, Jim loved Khan. Jim loved Khan more than he'd ever loved anything or anybody before. Jim wanted to do everything for Khan, to bring him the stars, every planet in the sky, and give it to him. Jim wanted to give Khan everything that could make him even the slightest bit happy. He saw everything that had happened to Khan, he saw all the pain and torment and anguish Khan had been through, and he saw a strong man who had battled through it all. Khan had lived through it all, dealt with it all, to be here today.

 

To be here today to meet Jim... Jim couldn't fully accept that idea. He didn't know if he believed in soul mates, or true love, but he knew nobody had ever made him feel the way Khan did. Khan understood him in a way nobody else did. Khan understands what Jim meant when Jim didn't didn't understand himself. Khan completed Jim's thoughts, taking them further, developing them and making Jim realise bigger theories, pushing his thoughts onto higher levels.

 

And Jim... Jim didn't know what he did for Khan. Yeah he'd helped Khan regain freedom, given him a place to call home and aided him with a job, but wasn't that what any decent human being would do? Jim didn't provide Khan with anything special, anything particular from Jim that he couldn't get from someone else, someone better, someone more like him. Jim wasn't anything special.

 

All the compliments Khan ever said to Jim echoed in his ear, but Jim shook his head. He couldn't believe them now.

 

Jim had spent all day in the office with Admiral Hobkinson. Pretty much 90% of that time was spent by Hobkinson destroying every millimetre of trust Jim had in Khan. Everything Khan had built up, Hobkinson had tore down.

 

Jim loved and trusted Khan, but the truth was there was still a lot Khan didn't tell him, and that was a slap in the face for Jim today. Hobkinson reeled off fact after fact about Khan, things Jim should have known, but he didn't.

 

Khan's upbringing. His leadership. His family.

 

What he was really doing at Star Fleet.

 

Jim leant his head forward until his forehead hit his front door.

 

He didn't know what, or who, was right.

 

Jim had been lied to before, convinced of a mistruth, put his trust in the wrong people. That was a norm for everybody.

 

But Khan had completely taken him in, and Jim had believed every word.

 

To have that belief snatched from him, and replaced with something else, and trying to make the new theory fit with the old... It was leaving Jim confused, and upset, and to be honest, fucking pissed off.

 

Jim didn't know what was right. But he was going to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is only short, but wait for the next one...


	21. A Broken Down Belief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I MATTER." Jim roared back at him, before he faltered, taking a step back without realising it. "Don't I?" He waited for Khan to speak, but he got nothing. He looked down at the floor as he took steps back, his world crashing, his body giving up.
> 
> He fell to his knees. "I don't matter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologise for the long break between updates, family and friend problems, college mock exams, the internet went down, all very stressful ~ thank god it's the holidays!
> 
> I hope you all like it, nearly done now...

"Do you know, how long, I have been looking for you?"

 

Jim had finally walked into their apartment, walking through it slowly as he looked for Khan, the panic rising in his body as he couldn't see any sign of him.

 

He had found Khan in their bedroom, his back against the window that made up the fourth wall, with his head in his hands.

 

Jim stared at him for a moment before asking him, "Do you know, how long, I have been looking for you?"

 

 

 

Khan didn't move.

 

 

 

"Hey. Khan! I'm talking to you." Jim's breathing increased as Khan continued ignoring him.

 

He talked to Khan, but he daren't move any closer. There was something about Khan, he was giving off... A feeling. A warning. To stay away. To not go near him.

 

Khan looked like a hurt predator, waiting to strike anybody who went near him to release the pain he was feeling.

 

Jim knew Khan was hurt, but right now, he didn't care. Khan had hidden this from him, gone against his releasing rules and not warned Jim about it, and consequently landed Jim in trouble.

 

Jim was pissed.

 

More than that, he was hurt. And he was confused. And he was disappointed.

 

Jim had trusted Khan, and Khan had thrown it back into his face, and now he didn't even have the decency to speak to him-

 

"Khan!"

 

There was still no response from Khan.

 

Khan; had his back against the window, his legs brought up to his chest, with his hands rested on his knees and his head resting in them, his hair was a mess. That was all Jim could make out about the man he loved.

 

"Khan? Are you even listening to me? I've been looking for you everywhere, nobody knew where you were, you're not answering your communicator, I needed you, to talk to you-"

 

"It doesn't matter." Khan replied, quietly yet with a hard voice clipped of emotion.

 

Jim stared at him, mouth hanging open. "What?"

 

"I said, it _doesn't matter_." Khan replied, his voice a little louder.

 

"It doesn't matter? Oh right, sorry, my mistake." Jim muttered quickly, his voice raising with every word. "It doesn't matter. No, you're right, course not. It doesn't matter that you've been lying to me. It doesn't matter that you've been plotting behind my back. It doesn't matter that you've been USING ME, TO GET TO WHAT YOU REALLY WANT."

 

Khan had gone back to ignoring Jim, so Jim continued talking, his silence riling Jim up even more.

 

"DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? I KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN GOING, KHAN. I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE _REALLY_ BEEN DOING. I KNOW WHAT THIS, ALL OF THIS" Jim threw his hands up in the air, "HAS BEEN FOR.

 

"And stupid, naive, _young_ , Jim, believed every word that came out of your mouth. I trusted you."

 

"None of it matters."

 

Jim closed his eyes as those words washed over him. "None of it matters?"

 

"None. Of. It."

 

Jim nodded slowly, Khan's words confirming what Admiral Hobkinson had spent the day **shoving** down his throat.

 

Of course none of it mattered. Why would anything here, in this age, matter to Khan? The only thing Khan cared about were his family, and everything else either was in the way of what he wanted or could be used to get what he wanted.

 

Where did Jim fit in those two categories?

 

He knew he fit in the latter, but that was earlier. What about now? What about when Khan found about what Jim had done? Then what would Jim be to Khan?

 

Nothing.

 

Before, he was a tool. Now, he is nothing. Jim had nothing to give to Khan; he wasn't an augment, he didn't have any special powers, there was nothing about him that made him stand above the rest of the human race.

 

Jim was nothing to him.

 

And if he wasn't already, he soon would be.

 

It was silent in the room as Jim stood by the door, just thinking, and Khan sat against the window, just thinking.

 

Just thinking.

 

Thinking.

 

Thinking until Jim didn't want to think anymore.

 

He suddenly moved, heading over to Khan with long strides.

 

He placed his hands on Khan's shoulders, and pulled him up.

 

Khan wasn't expecting it, he wasn't prepared, and that's the only reason why Jim managed to pull him up. Once Khan focused on the present, he pushed Jim's hands off of his body, growling at him.

 

Jim's face crumbled, showing just how hurt he was, before he shook it off and replaced it with anger.

 

"What am I to you? Where do I fit in with all these plans?"

 

Khan wasn't listening to him. He shook his head as if he was shaking off Jim, and half-fell back into his position against the window. "Don't you see? None of it matters."

 

"I MATTER." Jim roared back at him, before he faltered, taking a step back without realising it. "Don't I?" He waited for Khan to speak, but he got nothing. He looked down at the floor as he took steps back, his world crashing, his body giving up.

 

He fell to his knees. "I don't matter."

 

His mind became hazy, his body reacting in a way his mind didn't fully grasp. Jim could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, hot against his cold skin, leaving tracks behind.

 

He didn't matter.

 

It was as if a fog had fallen in the room, slowing down both of their thoughts, numbing them from the pain they were feeling, but from everything else as well. They both struggled to grasp the true meaning of their thoughts, going over and over the same thoughts in their head, yet still not fully sinking it.

 

"They've gone." Khan whispered. "They're gone... I failed them." He brought his hands to his face, cupping it as the truth finally hit him. His hands tensed into claws, caging his face as if he was locking the world out... Or himself in.

 

Jim looked up from his thoughts as he heard Khan's body-raking sobs in the air.

 

"What?" He asked, not understanding why Khan was crying, only now realising something was wrong with Khan. "What did you say?"

 

"They've gone, James. They've been taken away." Khan calmed down to whisper. "I failed them." He clenched his hands into fists, pushing the ball of his palm into his eyes, screwing up his face as the ugly guilt washed over him. "Again."

 

"No..." Jim muttered, watching Khan with a confused expression on his face.

 

"Yes." Khan growled at him, his eyes flashing as he glared in Jim's general direction.

 

"No... No, you haven't. Well, you have, but-"

 

Khan pounced on him, knocking him backwards and pinning him to the floor in one move. "Am I not feeling enough pain for you? Do you aim to make me feel worse?"

 

"Khan no, listen-"

 

"I know what I have done and I know the consequences of my actions. Do not test me right now James."

 

"They're not - Are you threatening me?" Jim's eyes flashed as the anger he felt earlier towards Khan resurfaced. "Everything I've done for you, and all this time you were just using me, and now you threaten me? Are you fucking kidding me?"

 

Khan was watching him with a bewildered expression, as if he was watching an animal prepare to attack. This line of thought meant he was prepared when Jim suddenly rolled them over, and he slipped out from underneath Jim before Jim had finished moving, making him fall against the floor.

 

"I have not been using you?" Khan stated a fact, but his confusion made it sound more of a question.

 

"Don't lie to me." Jim warned him.

 

"Have I ever given you any reason to doubt me?"

 

Khan took a step closer to Jim as Jim took a step back. "No, you haven't. That's the worse part. I completely fell for it, every single lie, I fell for it, I fell for you! I believed you and I trusted you and all along you've been planning your escape!"

 

"They are my family, what do you expect me to do? Leave them to freeze until somebody finds them and kills them off one by one?" Khan shouted at Jim, taking another step closer.

 

"I expect you to talk to me!" Jim mirrored his step. "I could have helped you, we could have... I expect you to trust me with helping you. Or, expected." Jim looked down as he adjusted his thoughts. "Now I don't expect anything from you."

 

Khan looked at him, ordering his sorrow to the back of his mind and narrowing his eyes as he thought over Jim's words. "What am I missing?"

 

"What?" Jim snapped at him.

 

"You, these are not your words, or your feelings. Who have you spoke to about me?"

 

Jim stared at him, a mental battle raging of whether to throw Admiral Hobkinson's name into the conversation and tell him just what he's been doing all day, or... "Get out."

 

"What?" Khan's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

 

"I said, get out. I don't want you here. I don't want you anywhere near me. Leave."


	22. Come Fly With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miracles, I guess, still happen now and then...

"Come with me."

Khan turned around as he heard the quiet words. His eyes found Jim, stood in the doorway of the laboratory, looking at him with an expression that twisted Khan's heart. His hands were behind his back, but Khan could tell Jim was fidgeting, obviously nervous about something.

Nervous about being around him.

His expression showed that. Jim looked hopeful, yet scared to be hopeful at the same time, and wary.

They hadn't spoken to one another in five days. Khan had left their,  _Jim's_  apartment, and gone to Star Fleet HQ, sleeping in the bed he'd made up when he'd first began the night shifts, going over everything in his head and piecing together what he'd been missing before.

"Am I allowed to be in your presence now?" Khan quipped.

"Don't, don't do that." Jim told Khan with a stern tone, but he looked disappointed by Khan's words, instantly making Khan regret his frosty greeting.

Khan looked down as he thought over the current situation and what would be the best way to handle it.

"Okay." He said simply.

"Okay, you'll come with me?" Jim asked, looking at him intensely, as if everything he wanted depended on Khan's answer.

No, Khan wouldn't let himself be so hopeful. Jim was right with everything he'd said, Jim had trusted him and Khan hadn't trusted him, despite knowing how much Jim would be hurt if he'd found out.

Khan had lied to Jim, but for the sake of his family. Does that make him selfish, or simply putting his family above Jim?

That all depended on how you looked at it, and Khan knew how Jim looked at it.

Khan had hurt Jim by planning without him and keeping this from him, because in Jim's eyes, Khan should have told Jim and they should have done this together. Jim would have wanted to work together, and if their plan didn't work, come up with another one, and keep going until they did it.

But Khan didn't want to achieve his goal after several failed plans, he wanted to achieve his goal after one plan, and he couldn't guarantee that while working with Jim. He couldn't guarantee that while doing it by himself, but working alone meant only one variable to keep an eye on.

But his plan had failed. He had failed. So maybe, maybe it was time he let Jim in, really let him in; to his plans, to his life, to his family.

Khan hadn't been using him, he wouldn't do that to Jim, and the thought that Jim believed that upset Khan, and made him want to slowly break every bone in the body of whoever had put that unbelievable idea in Jim's head.

But, despite loving and thinking of him as family, Khan had been keeping Jim separate from his family. Jim knew how much they meant to him, but he hadn't asked to find that out, he'd just seen it and realised it through the little things Khan had said. Khan had never spoken to Jim about his family; in fact, he'd avoided the topic around him. They were his and nobody else's, and even though Khan loved Jim, he didn't know if his family would love Jim. That's not an option he wanted to imagine.

"Khan?" Jim asked, biting his lip as Khan had left his question unanswered for too long to look good.

Khan looked at Jim, standing in front of him like a nervous school boy on his first date, biting his lip. The nervous twitch was the thing slipping through Jim's facade that everything was alright. Khan imagined what Jim would really be like underneath the facade, all nerves and insecurities and worries, and it made his heart hurt.

Khan had been separating Jim from his family because they were both his, and both very different parts of his life, and Khan wasn't sure if they would mix.

He couldn't do that any longer.

"Where are we going?" Khan asked with a tilt of his head.

"Surprise." Jim replied with a small smile. "Will you come with me?"

Khan nodded while thinking 'I'll never leave you.'

Jim nodded tensely and turned, walking away down the hall. Khan stared at him for a second before following; why was Jim keeping him separate while asking him to be with him? Was he going to tell him something? Did Jim have something to own up to? Or was Jim about to do something incredibly risky, and he wasn't sure how it was going to pan out, therefore being nervous about having Khan close to him in case he was only to be torn away?

As it turned out, all of the above.

They walked in silence, Jim slightly ahead of Khan, his walk not quite right.

Jim led Khan out of Star Fleet HQ and turned left, then right, right again, left, right, left, left, right, right, right-

"Where are we going?" Khan asked again, his voice deeper than he meant it to be.

"Here." Jim stopped suddenly and pulled out something from his pocket, inserting it into the door in front of him.

Khan looked at the building they had come to; it was old, a lot older than Khan had expected to still be around, possibly as old as him, small, made of bricks with posters covering every part of the wall, no windows, and the door had a hangover that cast shadows on what Jim was doing.

Khan took a small step closer to Jim, staring at him intently, willing him to face him so they could talk and he could apologise and they could sort things out; however, at the same time, Jim exclaimed "Got it!", pushing open the door and walking out of Khan's reach. Khan sighed minutely before following.

They walked into darkness, Jim fumbling with the wall until he found the light switch. He flicked it on, showing them to be in a small room, no bigger than a cupboard, with a rack to hang coats on and an umbrella stand. The walls were wooden, a deep brown colour that reminded both Jim and Khan of warmth. There was another door, opposite the one they came through, obviously leading to the rest of the building.

"This building is old." Jim pointed out pointlessly. "One of my friends, someone who works at Star Fleet, has had this in their family for hundreds of years. They were asked to sell it, so it could be torn down and rebuilt as one of the many new 'modern' buildings," Jim bent two fingers on both his hands around 'modern', "but they kept it."

"You do not like the 'modern' buildings?" Khan mirrored his actions.

"I don't think we appreciate the older things in life enough. They might be older but," Jim looked at Khan, "that doesn't mean they aren't as good."

Khan furrowed his brow at the double meaning behind Jim's words.

"Anyway, care to take a moment?" Jim held out a hand, a small, secret smile on his face as he waited for Khan to take it.

Khan slid his hand into Jim's, the ball of tension in his stomach lessening slightly at the contact.

Jim walked backwards, his smile grinning with every step until he reached the door. As he opened the door, music began to play quietly from somewhere, a tune Khan recognised but couldn't remember yet. He was too focused on Jim; Jim who was just a little bit taller than him, with his dirty blonde hair that he had obviously been running his hands through, messy and all over the place, just as Khan liked it. His eyes were shining; a giveaway of Jim's emotions, his eyes were always reflecting his feelings. His teeth still nibbled on his bottom lip, lips that Khan hadn't felt for days, and he missed the sensation of, oh Jim's lips matched Khan's perfectly, they belonged-

"Tut tut tut, not now." Jim whispered softly as he turned his head to the left, making Khan kiss his cheek. "Save it for later, honey."

They walked through the darkness, passing by what felt like curtains, until finally they reached an opening.

The music was louder now, almost within hearing distance...

Jim pushed open the last curtains, walking through the gap and pulling Khan behind him. Without the curtains to separate him and wherever the music was coming from, Khan could clearly hear the music now.

" _Welcome to my world, won't you come on in?_ " Jim sung in Khan's ear as he placed an arm around his waist and kept their clasped hands together, held further away than before. Khan recognised the position straight away, and raised a hand to cup around Jim's shoulder.

"You still want me?" Khan asked, unable to forget his worries until they were solved.

Jim smiled sadly as they danced, singing " _Miracles, I guess, still happen now and then..._ " His smile faltered as he realised how what he'd just said could be taken. "I don't mean, the other way around, I mean, what I meant was, it's a miracle you want me..." He looked down, biting on his lip again before looking back up decidedly. "I'm getting ahead of myself, I have some things to tell you-"

"I don't care." Khan interrupted.

"-What?" Jim stopped dancing, frowning at him.

" _Step into my heart, leave your cares behind_." Khan sung in time to the music in reply as he twirled them around. "I have in my arms the person I care most about, and that is  _all_  I care about. I have you, you're here, and nothing else matters. I love you, James. I should actually apologise, for what I did, for not trusting you, it was unforgivable of me yet I stand before you asking for forgiveness... If you could?"

Jim stared at him momentarily before shaking his head. "Wait, Khan, let me speak first, I need to get this off of my chest-"

"James, whatever you've done, it doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does, I owe you an explanation-"

"No it doesn't, your actions are always justified and I understand that now-"

"I have your family." Jim blurted.

They stilled before Jim had even finished speaking.

Jim watched Khan, catching every emotion that flickered over his face and the speed at which they did so. He expected Khan to put on his poker face and hide this from him, instead, he let Jim see every feeling he had to what Jim had told him.

Jim didn't know what was worse; seeing Khan feel anger and hatred and disappointment and betrayal and pain, or having everything Khan felt hidden from him.

"Explain." Khan said curtly.

Jim took a deep breath before tightening his arm around Khan's waist and his hand wrapped around Khan's. "When you were in prison, it was Harry I turned to to help me get you out. We worked endlessly, looking for loopholes and laws and evidence we could use in your defence, and then we, _I_ , found all the videos…" The look on Khan's face told Jim to hurry up. "… But that was never our end game. In one of our meetings, we found files on your family, and we knew we had to do something. We couldn't, _I couldn't_ , just leave them, so cut off and isolated from the world, and from you, their leader."

Khan registered those words. "What happened next?"

"We focused on helping you first, then after you were released, we started on your family. That was… I thought defending your case was hard, but trying to awaken your family…" Jim released a breathe. "Me and Harry ended up arguing several times on how to do it and how to go about it, we wanted to tell the least people, hurt the least people and damage as little people's as possible reputation. It was the right thing to do, but there was a slim chance of us winning, and we didn't want to bring down the few good members left with us.

"After so long, we agreed that we needed an expert, somebody who could fill in all that scientific blah-blah-blah that could make what we wanted sound like it was needed, not just for you but for the greater good. Harry asked Professor Kia to help, and once Harry went over everything with her, she was with us.

Jim was still holding Khan, and it wasn't as if Khan had let go of him yet. They were both still holding on to the other, and that gave Jim the confidence to continue with the next part. "That was when we had a slight… Crack." His hand in Khan's tightened, bringing it closer to him and resting it against his chest.

"Admiral Hobkinson called me to his office, where Scotty was, and he told me what you'd been doing, what you'd been… Keeping from me." Jim fixed his eyes on Khan, staring at him intently and with such emotion that it took Khan's breath away.

"You nearly messed this all up. You, and your plan, we were so close Khan, _so close_ , to losing everything, for it all to backfire. I had Hobkinson on one side of me making up this extravagant plan that you had in motion which involved using three different members of Star Fleet, and Scotty on the other side, telling me how you'd been sneaking off, pretending to come and see me, when really you were going to see your family. Both of them, having all this thrown at me, and I mean really thrown at me, Hobkinson has the perfect voice for shouting… I nearly lost it. I had nothing to say, I was defending you but I had no proof to support what I said.

"We were in there for two hours, Hobkinson losing his patience with me and, I swear, playing on all my insecurities - they must be written down on a file somewhere because  **damn** , he ticked them all off." Jim smiled, pretending to be okay and jokey, but Khan could see the way his face tightened, and his eyes took a sheen to them.

"Then, Harry knocks on the door. As soon as I was in the office with Hobkinson, he went to get Professor Kia, Spock, and Bones. The four of them had devised a case to present to the Admiral, so well thought-out and developed, I could kiss them all. I won't, kinda taken, hopefully." He smiled sadly at Khan.

"Anyway, Admiral Hobkinson listened to them, and any arguments he had, they ripped apart. He was sneaky as well, going for Spock because, obviously he can't lie, and asking him leading questions. That was when Scotty came in, referencing everything you'd done while working for Star Fleet and proving every negative comment Hobkinson had to say about you wrong. It was beautiful."

Khan stared at him for a moment, taking in how many people were working on trying to get his family back to him. Maybe he'd been wrong about Star Fleet, maybe there was more good, more potential, there than he had realised.

Jim continued talking, "I realise now, why you couldn't tell me. Trust me, I get it. I did exactly the same thing, because I couldn't tell you, and I understand that's how you felt. I can't exactly stand here and shout at you for it now, because I did it. I didn't talk to you about my plan, and that was wrong of me because they're your family, and it's your business what happens to them, and… I hope you can forgive me for that."

"This is all well and good, but what happened to my family?" Khan asked quietly, brushing his thumb across Jim's hand to show he wasn't as angry as his voice made him sound.

"When Hobkinson had found out what you were doing, and assumed you were planning to run away with them to the stars, he moved them to another location.

"After we argued with him, he saw things from our point of view, and realised he really had no idea of the potential your family held. You see, everyone had ever so slightly emphasised how happy you and your family would be to help Star Fleet, developing their ideas and improving everything we had, not to mention outside of us. Hobkinson realised this was beyond him, and turned the responsibility onto someone else.

"Now, we have your family, and we can wake them all back up." Jim's face slowly lit up as he spoke, ending with his grin taking over his face and his eyes shining. "Khan, you can have your family back. You can go see them anytime, and later, they'll be here with you, where they belong."

Khan stared at him, unsure of what to do or say and going over everything in his head, working out what Jim had done to do all this and what everybody else had done to make this happen.

Jim laughed at Khan freezing. "Khan, they're back with you, they're  _home_."

Khan focused on Jim's face, his laugh, and wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, swinging him round as he laughed along with him. "We really have them?"

"We really do. They're in a locked room that only one person has the key to." Jim giggled that infectious laugh again as he pulled a key card out of his pocket. "Me."

Khan stared at him in shock, then began laughing again. Their laughter filled the room, bordering on hysterical, before Khan twirled Jim around and began dancing, this time with Khan obviously leading and dominating him. They turned a few times, laughing and staring at each other and just contaminated with this happiness that everything had paid off and no one had got hurt.

Khan stopped suddenly, his eyes narrowing as something clicked. "You said later."

Jim's laughter died and his smile fell. "What?"

Khan leaned closer to him. "You said, later they'll be here with me. Later. Not now, not soon, later." His voice had taken on that low, deep, dangerous tone again.

Jim swallowed as he realised what he had to tell Khan now.

"There were... Conditions."

"What conditions?" Khan asked quickly.

Jim swallowed before taking a step back. He fumbled with something behind his back, not looking at Khan as he ordered his thoughts.

Another song came on overhead, but Khan dispelled the acknowledgement. It wasn't important.

"Jim. What. Conditions?" Khan asked again.

"Every week, I have to have a meeting with Hobkinson, and fill him in on what your crew have been doing and where they're heading, keeping him up to date and informed."

"What else?"

Jim frowned slightly. "I can't make a decision without it being improved by Harry, Professor Kia, and Bones. Everything I decide has to be discussed and agreed with by them."

"Okay. And now the problematic condition, if you would be so kind." Khan smiled at him harshly, knowing full well that Jim was saving the worst condition until last.

Jim swallowed again, running his hands through his hair. He turned away from Khan, deliberating before turning back and standing closer to him than before.

He paused before saying, "You have to wait five years."

"WHAT?" Khan exploded, gripping Jim's shoulders in his hands.

"In five years, we can awaken them all. We'll adapt them to our world, in a safe environment with only people we trust there. After that, we'll integrate them into society; give them jobs, and houses, and places to call home. They'll be  _living_ , in this day and age, with us."

"Why five years? Why not now?" Khan asked, his voice almost painful.

"I know that's what you want to do, and I realise you probably won't even want to do this, or be anywhere near me, trust me I get that, nobody does, and I understand that it'll be tedious and boring and below your level, but it could be-"

"Kirk, what are you talking about?" Khan asked, releasing Jim's shoulders as Jim babbled.

"Listen." Jim said, then didn't say anything.

"What?" Khan asked.

Jim pointed upwards. "Listen."

Khan listened to the music playing - the song that he had dispelled from his thoughts.

"Yes, what about it?"

"Listen." Jim slightly scolded him.

" _It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say, come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away…"_  The lyrics filled Khan's ears as he realised.

"Are you asking me?"

Jim smiled at him. "Admiral Hobkinson says we have to wait until the mission is over. I know you're mad at me, and you have every right to be, but, I want you to think; I did everything I could, I got you out of jail, and I gave you a home, and a job, and I got your family back-" Jim shrugged his shoulders as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. "-I know you might not want to be anywhere near me, I understand why, but I thought you could, if you really wanted to, come with us, on our five year mission... Come fly with me.

"I love you Khan, I love you more than I ever thought I'd love somebody. Hell, I didn't even think I could love somebody the way, or the amount, I love you. Yet I do, here I am. All I want, is to make you happy, and to give you everything I can. I would do anything you asked Khan, because you've done so much for me and I can never repay you for that. Everything I've done, there was no hidden agenda like you expect from Star Fleet, there was no selfish motive, I just… Love you. It really is as simple and deep as that. I love you."

Khan looked at Jim; the man who'd risked everything to help him, who'd risked other people's jobs to help him; who'd made Khan fall in love him and fallen in love with Khan in return; who'd saved Khan's life, and now his family's, who was now stood in front of him, nearly exploding from the amount of insecurities filling him.

How could Jim think Khan wouldn't want to be with him? Had Khan not told him repeatedly that he wasn't going anywhere, that he was always going to be here with him, that he loved Jim too?

Jim didn't realise how much he mattered to Khan.

But he would do, 'later'. When he heard it from others, who knew Khan better than he knew himself, then maybe Jim would believe.

"Five years, of travelling in space with  _you_." Khan cupped Jim's cheek and smiled at him. "Five years to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before?" Khan winked at him, making Jim laugh, a single tear falling from his watery eyes. "How could I say no?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ The End ~
> 
> Thank you all, so much, for reading this, and leaving me the kudos and the comments to keep on writing. I cannot thank you, or show much how much I appreciate everything, enough.
> 
> Kudos to all my fantastic readers<3
> 
> PS. This is the point at which my other stories - The Captain and the Menace, & Naughty Captain - could be classed as sequels. If you liked this, check them out :)
> 
> Thank you, and goodbye


End file.
